Welcome back, lyris! Why thank you.

Things I like today: sexy girls and their sexy parts, sexy boys and their sexy parts, cookies, daydreaming about other people jacking off while thinking about me, friends coming for visits.

Things I don't like today: stupidity, being in charge of making stupid people smarter, my car not starting.

I"m very good at procrastinating.

Well Mexico was beautiful. There were waves and pyramids and fishes (to eat). Plus, we went to one of the all inclusive resorts all on the sly and drank and ate on some wrinkly hags' dime. That was officially a good idea. I am now freckled and happy.

Also, Mayan ruins totally fucking win.



We got to the climbable one in Coba and passed some dude saying "it's not really worth going to the top." Our reply, "not worth it? but it's _there_." So we did climb it and man was it worth it.

Now I have to paint/draw. I have a show at the end of the week and nothing for it. And then pack. Because fuck this apartment.

Apparently, I return.

Tomorrow is Mexico. There is sun there, I am told. This is a good thing.

Three words:

LOVECRAFT FILM FESTIVAL!!!!

Yessir. That's happening the first weekend of next month at the Hollywood theatre in portland.

Be there or be an enemy of kthulu



also. i'm going to the uk for two weeks. on tuesday. i'm freaking out because it's happening right now and i feel like i'm completely unprepared and i worry that i will run out of money and then not be able to pay rent when i get back. bad idea. so we'll see. hopefully that will not be the case and everything will work out just fine... right?

god i hope so.

I don't usually hate people. I don't enjoy it. But let me tell you that there are people in my life right now whom I hate. They are manipulative and frankly evil. Truly. Evil. If I were an evil person, I might try to think of something horrible to do to them to ensure pain, suffering, and hopefully, the inability to reproduce. But I am not evil. So I am simply trying to excise them from my life.

In other news, I have an apartment. I live in it with the boy, which means I live mostly alone because he works nights. I'm jobless, which frankly sucks. I hate worrying about money, but what can you do at a certain point? I'm trying to live cheaply and to find a job. I'm also trying to exercise. And to find furniture. Because we're living off the floor right now.

I'm doing art. I am working on a comic, which is pretty cool. And I'm also doing this big thing for to hang in the dining room.

So that's my life. I'm freaking out a little about how happy I am with the boy. I get scared that I'm stuck, which I don't really feel I am, but which scares me. And I need some more friends. Especially considering the fact that I'm jobless.

There's an interesting thing about love. It's addictive, and I say that meaning all of the negative connotations of the word. I think that, for the vast majority of people, love creates a dependence and an inability to imagine life without love that is incredibly harmful. I bring this up because, just recently I decided that I was the happiest with my SO that I've ever been simply because I knew that I would be happy without him. This seems so backwards to so many people that I know and I set about to understand what I was trying to say and also to get a sense of how that was different from what I had felt before and also what I hear other people experiencing. This was my conclusion: I am able to make a conscious choice, unhindered by dependence, every day to be with him. I can say that I enjoy every aspect of my day that involves him and every aspect of my day that does not. I can enjoy the thought of our trip to europe this summer and I know that if something comes up and he cannot go, I still will and I will be happy doing so.

One of my dear friends is in an abusive relationship and everyone but her can see that he will become violent. And she wants to rush home immediately to patch things up with him rather than spend five days with the two girls she's known as sisters since birth but hasn't seen in over two years. Pathological dependence.

Another friend and I are on the rocks right now because of the fact that I lived with her for six months and she basically refused to spend time with me. She made the choice (a false choice, as none is required) to be with her boyfriend rather than me and she made that choice every day. It got to the point where I broke the lease we'd signed together because being around her made me so unhappy and although I tried to talk to her about how her choices were affecting our friendship, she continued to consiously sabatoge our friendship because she believed that was what was required of the Relationship she was in. Pathological dependence.

I'm tired of this kind of behavior and I don't know how to maintain friendships that I have cherished for so long while the other parties in the friendship continue to assume that they are significantly less important than the Relationships they're in.

Oh. My. Dear Lord.

I finished my job on Friday. I have time to sit. I have more than one day off in a row. I also don't actually have a job at this point, but I do have a dedication to my projects. I need to find some work. I need to find a home and I need to start drawing my graphic novel, painting some of my three series, writing the short stories in my head, the book/manifesto and generally getting shit done.

That's the plan anyway.

Oh. PS. I need friends. I'm back in Portland and need bowling buddies etc.

On monday I went to my mom's house to make a little money helping her file and organize her garage. That afternoon, I got a call from a friend of mine who was, as far as I knew, in Australia. He said that he was actually back in the states and that he got a job at a camp and wanted to know if I wanted one too, because someone who was supposed to work simply didn't show for training.

That was monday. I leave in three days. For ten weeks. Hopefully. Mandatory drug screening.... so. We'll see. I'm drinking almost more water than my body can handle. But at least I quit my job. And it'll work itself out. Somehow.

Now i have to pack everything I own.
k

Today at work, one of the girls working with me told me that she really really wants to get married right away. She's 21. I asked her why and she said that she wants to get married and have kids now so that she can be a MILF. I thought she was joking but she continued to assure me that she really aspires to this.

I failed to not chew her head off and told her that I thought that raising a child should probably take precedence over her own vanity.

Sometimes I want to bash my skull in.