just now i decided to update my journal. i wanted to record my thoughts on matters that i felt were important to me, and matters i just wanted to get off my chest. my magnificent surgically-enhanced chest. my thoughts take the form of a one-act play:

JEAN-PAUL ENTERS, STAGE LEFT.

HE TOSSES ASIDE A BUSHEL OF FLOWERS HE HAS BEEN CARRYING. HE LOOKS BEDRAGGLED AND WORN OUT. COLDPLAY'S "YELLOW" IS PIPED FROM THE SOUNDSYSTEM.

JEAN-PAUL: Turn that off! I hate Chris Martin!

VOICE OF GOD: You hate apples.

JEAN-PAUL: No, I have a bushel of flowers right here. I'm totally a salt of the earth type of guy, and nearly vegan. I love apples!

SMELL OF GOD: Is your nose picking that up? That's me, freshly baked apple pie.

JEAN-PAUL: I'm diabetic. is it sugar-free?

TASTE OF GOD: I am cinnamon. I enhance anything and everything. I am omnipotent.

JEAN-PAUL: OK, I'm lost here.

SIGHT OF GOD: Then follow me, and I shall save you.

JEAN-PAUL: You're so soft.

TOUCH OF GOD: I know. You like that, don't you? Mmmm, right there, yes. Mmmm...

NIETSCZHE ENTERS, STAGE RIGHT, AND EXTERMINATES THE ENTIRE CAST. WE ARE DEAD, THOUGH OUR SENSES LIVE ON.

why, greetings! say hello to me, goddammit. this is my inaugural address using this impressive Patented Journal Technology....from here on out i hope to religiously keep these precise little diaries that document my exciting, fun-filled life.

six hours ago, i had sex with ashlee simpson.

it was phenomenal.

neither of those last sentences is true. that's the benefit of an inaugural address! i'm just like the current president in that i can make empty promises and lie through my teeth!

yay!