The other night I went out to celebrate a good friend's birthday. She requested that the men dressed up all fancy so I decided to go the whole nine yards. I busted out my best three piece suit and tie, slicked my hair back, and shaved.

Later that night I met up with my brother Dizzy to celebrate his fiance's birthday. When I walked in the first thing she did was touch my bare face and say “Oh my god, I can see you.”

A little later she asked me why I didn't get Lasik and since I had imbibed quite a bit of alcohol I said the first thing that came to my mind, “because I like to hide my eyes behind my glasses.” I realized then that it wasn't just a way to change topics but a truth I let slip.

After some thinking on the subject I've come to realize that what I do best is hide. I hide my eyes behind the glasses. I hide my face by wearing my hair down and rocking a mighty beard. I distance myself with the way I dress. I hide my thoughts by making jokes. I am one big walking defense mechanism.

Seriously, I almost never make direct eye contact when talking to people and when I do they usually always ask me what's wrong. Maybe the eyes really are the window to the soul. People have always had far too easy a time reading me through my eyes. I've been told that my eyes are too sad, or that they're intense and hungry. I guess that's why I decided to make sure the windows to my soul are double paned.

I hide my face with them as well. I chose larger frames than is fashionable just for that purpose. If I had bought my own frames instead of them being a gift I would have gone bigger. Like the government issue style big black frames.

You see, I also have a really expressive face. That's why I wear my hair down and keep my beard. I'm just too easy to read.

I even dress the way I do to keep strangers at bay. I don't regret it since most people suck anyway but I know I do it and have always admitted it.

The other night I went out to celebrate a good friend's birthday. She requested that the men dressed up all fancy so I decided to go the whole nine yards. I busted out my best three piece suit and tie, slicked my hair back, and shaved.

Later that night I met up with my brother Dizzy to celebrate his fiance's birthday. When I walked in the first thing she did was touch my bare face and say “Oh my god, I can see you.”

A little later she asked me why I didn't get Lasik and since I had imbibed quite a bit of alcohol I said the first thing that came to my mind, “because I like to hide my eyes behind my glasses.” I realized then that it wasn't just a way to change topics but a truth I let slip.

After some thinking on the subject I've come to realize that what I do best is hide. I hide my eyes behind the glasses. I hide my face by wearing my hair down and rocking a mighty beard. I distance myself with the way I dress. I hide my thoughts by making jokes. I am one big walking defense mechanism.

Seriously, I almost never make direct eye contact when talking to people and when I do they usually always ask me what's wrong. Maybe the eyes really are the window to the soul. People have always had far too easy a time reading me through my eyes. I've been told that my eyes are too sad, or that they're intense and hungry. I guess that's why I decided to make sure the windows to my soul are double paned.

I hide my face with them as well. I chose larger frames than is fashionable just for that purpose. If I had bought my own frames instead of them being a gift I would have gone bigger. Like the government issue style big black frames.

You see, I also have a really expressive face. That's why I wear my hair down and keep my beard. I'm just too easy to read.

I even dress the way I do to keep strangers at bay. I don't regret it since most people suck anyway but I know I do it and have always admitted it. Strangers are less likely to approach the big biker looking guy in all black and a Fear Factory T-shirt but if they do they are probably worth knowing.

Yet I'm the one who's always laughing and joking. I'm the Sage, the Adviser, and the Fool. I make people feel better. Why you would come to the one who's coasted through life for wisdom I will never know but as far as roles go it seems to have stuck.

Yet am I actually happy? No. I just appear to be. This is not my life. I just hide my thoughts and feelings from others to play the role cast upon me. I'm happy to help but I still know that there are many things missing from my own life. Of course none of that matters. I'll always be there with my stoic wisdom or a bad joke.

Even my closest friends don't really know me. I keep myself to myself. They may know about the things I've experienced. I share stories to help them through rough patches. Yet to them I'm a mystery. There are maybe four people in the world who really know me. People may think they do but they just know a mask.

I've gotten far too good at hiding for anyone to really know me. How fucked is that? The strange part is I'm not sure I want to be found. The person I project is the person I want to be.

Oh well.

Olly Olly Oxen Free.