sooo... i'm wondering who gifted me with the wonderful world of sg? i've been off the sight for like 2 years now and some mysterious person has supplied me with a shiny new 3 month subscription. i didn't think anyone really cared when i left to be honest. but to whoever reopened my profile, i'd like to thank you, if you wish to remain anonymous that is your prerogative, but i must say i'm very curious as to who and why.

yours,
lbj

by by

dear the national,


i've been stirring in my bed for the past few hours over this, i didn't even realize it at first, but in between the rare moments of sleep that i've gotten, it's all i can think about... time to get it out.

i don't get excited about many new bands anymore, the national being the only real exception that i can think of at the moment. needless to say, i don't get out to many shows these days. last night i saw the national at the el rey, a really nice venue; it's not the troubadour, but a good place to see a show. the band put on a flawless performance in my opinion, but something was missing.

as the band started to play, i noticed something, about the crowd, about the level of excitement in the room, or, the complete lack of excitement in the entire building. i didn't pay too much attention at first, i was there to have fun with my friends, listen to great music, drink, and get a little rowdy.

well into the show, it was obvious that this crowd was showing about as much enthusiasm for the national as they did for the opening act. it seemed like the only people that were thrilled to be there were my little group of friends and a few other exceptions. it was obvious to us, and to the rest of the crowd, so much so that on two separate occasions, a few of us were told to shut the fuck up, by other crowd members, myself included. by my account, we weren't doing anything out of the ordinary for a rock concert, just singing and dancing, badly mind you, but still, not unreasonable things to be doing; i've definitely seen people doing worse things at other shows.

since when has it become the cool thing to do, to just stand there stone faced and stare at the stage? sure, everybody applauded at all the right moments, like little puppets, they finally cheered when the band made a comment about the silence.

after the show, my friends and i were standing around, talking about the show, how great the band was, how lame this crowd was. we started to notice that most of the band was standing outside talking to fans. and then we saw bryan, the drummer, i shouted out to him "you're our favorite drummer!" and he walked right up to us, lit a cigarette (instant points in my book) and started talking. he was very tall and soft spoken, so soft spoken we could barely hear what he was saying, but he was very nice, and appreciative of our admiration. we started talking about the show, and we apologized to him for this subdued LA crowd. he said he didn't really care about that, but he did notice it. we asked him where the best reaction they've gotten was, he mentioned dublin and paris were the best crowds he's seen, i felt ashamed of my city and wished we could have given them a warmer reception. after that, we shook his hand, thanked him for a great show, and were on our merry way.

i don't know, maybe it's too much to ask a jaded fan base like los angeles to get excited by such a great band. my guess is a lot of these people go out and see a show every week, perhaps even more frequently than that. but, when asked about his favorite crowds, bryan didn't mention the bands home, new york, or even their hometown cincinnati, i was hoping that he would mention at least one US city, but no. i think this says a lot about the state of music here, especially in the LA area, possibly in the united states.

so, to the national and other bands, i would like to apologize on behalf of my city and my country for not showing them the love they deserve. and i would like to thank bryan, and the national again for a great show and for giving me hope for the future of music.

your friend,

bill

don't be stupid- episode 2- something completely different

i keep going back and fourth on deciding whether i'd like to die young and tragically, like jesus... or get married.

i would like to have someone eternally long for me, and also be the bane of their existence, the love of their life, and the thorn in their side... perhaps that's an inappropriate desire.

what would happen if you threw yourself away? i mean put yourself in the trash, into the garbage truck, and off to the dump? would you be discovered? the first living person to put them self into the garbage? would you become famous? like paris hilton? ... i'd be on fox news, i can see it now... "yeah, i threw myself away, so what? i just wanted to see what would happen."... "nah, it didn't turn out to be as cool as i thought it would be, but i did find my old star wars lunchbox (and matching thermos) that my mom threw out all those years ago, so that was pretty ok." ... "all things considered, i probably won't do it again, i did break my nose and a couple of ribs when i was dumped into the truck." seriously, i do miss that lunchbox, it was a crushing moment when i realized mom didn't give a shit about star wars lunchboxes... or maybe it was indiana jones, but you get the point.

and now for something completely different...

untitled country song...

when we wake up in the morning
we'll forget where we have been
pounding headaches from the alcohol
that we have taken in
but tonight we'll set the world afire
our troubles we'll forget
and tonight we will sin
we will sin

let the wild turkey flow into our cups
and on the floor
there is plenty to go round
and you will never want for more
cause tonight is just another night
no different from before
leave your worries at the door
at the door

don't be stupid- episode 1- a new hope

- this is will be updated semi-weekly.

- my trip to san francisco was great... lots of great food and bars, no need for cars- just take the muni or walk, there's just so many things to do there.

- some memorable moments... trying to toss a cigarette up to a scantily clad woman on her fire escape. she kept falling out of her top, not seeming to care. i had a great view, after about five minutes of this, she finally came downstairs. i handed her the smoke, and she gave me a big hug, and by big, i mean big, i'm not one to judge, but i think she was a hooker... chinese new year in china town is fun, you should try it... magnolia cafe on haight st. is great, really good beer (they have their own brewery) and good food. being lost and drunk on our first night, getting serenaded by our crazy homeless man/ guide, something about butterflies and sawdust.

- some reasons why i have to go back... i love the feeling of tall oppressive buildings surrounding me... a great music scene... everything i could possibly need is within walking distance... why can't i think of any more reasons? i just wanna, ok?! stop pressuring me!

- what's the deal with signs that say "watch your step?" shouldn't they say watch our step, or watch this step, or watch my step? my feet work fairly well, i rarely ever have to watch my own step. if there is a recurring problem with steps in your building, why put all the pressure on your guests? if i had a step, or steps, that need watching, my sign would say this "watch out for my treacherous steps, i'd like to make things safer for you, but my budget will only allow for this informative sign."

- one of my favorite things to get asked "are you drinking that wild turkey straight up?" my usual response "what? are you serious? you're looking right at it, don't be stupid, it has ice cubes in it."

- some things i like... hats, making play lists, discovering new music, entire pots of coffee just for myself even though i never finish them, making breakfast in the middle of the day, spending my days off in my PJs, long lists, lists within lists, blog-offs, crepes, and picnics with giant ash trays.

- i'd like to know where certain sayings come from, for example... got you over a barrel, no spring chicken, caught red handed, knock on wood, crocodile tears, jump on the bandwagon, on the wagon/ off the wagon, more than one way to skin a cat, head over heels... doesn't that just mean standing upright? what are some sayings you'd like to know about?

Shame on me for being such a bastard

I want you to look at me
The way I want you to
I'm tired of wishing
I could bite your upper lip

I wanna peel your clothes off slowly
While you're tugging on my belt
I want you to feel the way I feel
I want you to scream my name

I want you to feel
Naked when I look at you
I want you to feel ashamed
I wanna take you
On a couch
On the floor
And in your dreams

I want you to look at me
The way your picture does
I want you to be my
Naked inspiration
In my car
In your room
And on the street

Mess your hair
Taste your breath
And kiss your feet

Old Skin

Let's run away together
Let's run away tonight
We'll do all those cliché things
Like look up at the stars
And swear our love
While I hold you tight
Let's run away from the world
Let's peel off our old skin
And start life anew
I swear it, I mean it
I could live my life a thousand times
And always come back to you
Let's run away to Spain
Let's never regret a thing
Leave behind the worries
The stress, and the long hours
We can be free, just you and me
Whatever we want to be

i'm not really sure why i'm blogging about this, i've never really bought into the whole thing... but, today out of boredom, i was reading about my own sign, virgo... and it turns out, i fit the mold, like almost too well.

i'm critical of my self and others, controlling, sarcastic, witty, i give out a lot of advice, i'm a perfectionist, and i love routines, i'll eat the same thing at the same time for weeks at a time, i hate being dirty, but i am not a tidy person, i live a very cluttered existence... but i think the tidyness thing might be a misconception, and i think it goes back to being controlling, i have complete control over my mess, and nobody better mess with my mess. i'll know when someone goes into my room when others probably wouldn't, it's a lot like having ocd, i think...

so, that's it, not sure how knowing this is going to help me in any way. but it's definitely interesting, to me anyways.

If you were an ex-girlfriend
You'd be the one I miss the most
And time will tell if this is true
There are some things I will never do
a test
my heart
to late, can't start, won't last that long
this time
I'll wait
thumb out my eyes are never wrong

If you were a friend of mine
This is the time you'd jump right in
And all these things I've done to you
These are the things I will never do
again
this place
can't breath, to much, my mouth is gone
can't see
can't hear
this is the place that I most fear
reject
connect
whisper your mind into my ears
we'd sing
this song
when every thing is going wrong

If you were my saving grace
I'd never be alone again
And if you said the end is near
The waves are the place we'd tread to fear
set sail
the sea
the ocean is the death of me
pockets
in hands
my mind, my place will never be
with you

It's all my fault

too many words...

This gravity, it weighs me down
It feels just like an anchor
This heavy smoke, it burns my eyes
It feels just like a lie
This thing called love, it sucks me in
It feels just like an arrow

Try not to speak, see what happens
Try not to see, see what happens
Try not to hear, see what happens

This lack of sleep, it's self imposed
It feels just like a sickness
This crown of thorns, it serves me well
It feels just like mental jewelry
This addiction, it hurts my heart
It feels just like a dagger

Try not to move, see what happens
Try not to breath, see what happens
Try not to sleep, see what happens
Try not to think

Try not to speak, see what happens
Try not to see, see what happens
Try not to hear, see what happens
Try not to feel

_____________________________________

There are things that we will never do
There are places that we will never go
There are people that we will never meet
There are foods that we will never eat
There are times that we will never sleep
There are tears that we will never weep
There are songs that we will never sing
There are bells that we will never ring
There are lips that we will never kiss
There are faces that we will never miss
There are that we will never
There are that we will never
This much I know

__________________________________

sometimes

sometimes, i get panic attacks.
sometimes, you'll hurt my feelings, but i'll never tell you about it.
sometimes, you torture me.
sometimes, i'll pretend like i don't care.
sometimes, i just don't care.
sometimes, i drink more than i lead you to believe.
sometimes, i let the truth slip out.
sometimes, it's an accident.
sometimes, i want to believe you.
sometimes, you make it kind of hard.
sometimes, the simplest answer, is the correct one.
sometimes, it's not.
sometimes, i contradict myself.
sometimes, i'm too truthful.
sometimes, i'm not truthful enough.
sometimes, i wish my heart was unbreakable.
sometimes, it breaks.
sometimes, i want to tell you.
sometimes, i think you know.
sometimes, you take my breath away.
sometimes, i don't get you.
sometimes, i really don't get you.
sometimes, i do.
sometimes, things are complicated.
sometimes, i wish they weren't.
sometimes, i've had better days.
sometimes, i fall apart.
sometimes, i love you.
always, you're on my mind, sometimes.

sometimes part II

sometimes, i am sorry i'm so truthful.
sometimes, i am untruthful.
sometimes, i hate myself.
sometimes, i wish i could take back things i have said.
sometimes, the things i say, are just words, no more, no less.
sometimes, my words hurt.
sometimes, they hurt me.
sometimes, my feelings get the best of me.
sometimes, i don't want to feel, anything, ever.
sometimes, i wish you were here.
sometimes, i wish we never met. another untruth.
sometimes, i let the whiskey do the talking.
sometimes, the whiskey should just shut it's mouth.
sometimes, i have dreams about you, nice ones.
sometimes, my dreams feel so real, that i don't want to go back to reality.
sometimes, i want you to tell me what you really think of me.
sometimes, i'm afraid of what you might say.
sometimes, i know what you'll say anyways.
sometimes, i don't think you'll ever know what you mean to me.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry that i'm weak.
i'm sorry that i'm a fool.
i'm sorry if i hurt you.
the last thing i ever wanted was to make you hate me.

__________________________________________

Love me, lavish me with your attention
I will not do the same, but I'll make you wish I did
Give me presents, I'll grace you with my presence
I am better than you, I am a big deal

I am loved by many, but crave the attention of no one

I am a gold digger, digging inside my brain
For golden words, to lay down on this page
So I can sing you to sleep, with my golden voice
I am gold, I am lost in my own metaphor

Give me everything I ask for, I give nothing in return

I am the reason you come home every night
I am your reason for living
I am the reason that the dogs won't bite
I am your protector
I am the reason for the sun and the moon
I am your starry night
I am the reason that you'll come home soon
I am your bottle of booze

I am the most impressive person you will meet

______________________________________

I'm in like with you
I want to sleep all over you
Give me one good reason not to
And I smile because I know you do too