IPOD
RADIO
I don't think anyone values silence these days. I'm not really talking about absolute silence, I mean... does there always have to be someting to say?
Do we always have to have an opinion or an answer to everything. Since when does my silence, or lack of things to talk about become offensive to someone else. Because I have nothing to say, doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you. Because I don't bloat an answer with a million words, that doesn't mean I'm being dismissive.
Most of the people know me would probably say that I have no problem talking, but at the asme time would probably be describe me as silent, and the quite type. Maybe? You tell me.
It's true, it takes some time for me to warm up to people, but I think thats true for everyone. I don't think I've ever just thrown myself into the mix without feeling totally comfortable. I guess my friends are my friends because they understand that everything that comes out of my mouth isn't poignant , poetic or thought invoking, I don't have to pad a conversation, when I want to talk I talk, when I want to listen, I listen and when I want to shout something random, its appreciated (I hope)
Some people aren't this way, some people wouldn't get me because of a huge generation gap, or a difference in style, taste or culture, and those people get silence. What bothers me is how those people could be offended.
If I didn't want to be around you, I wouldn't be there, I wouldn't just show up and sit there silent and for asshole's sake. I'm not talking because I have nothing to say, I have nothing to add to the current conversation. Your attempt at sparking a conversation has been noticed but I don't feel like I should be forced to talk to you. Look, I like you, or I wouldn't be around. If I have something to say, I'll say it. If your question requires more than 1 word, you'll get them, and if it happens to spark an interest, something we can both agree on being conversational, we'll talk, and I won't stop talking. But why do I have to talk to make you feel comfortable? Talking when I don't want to talk makes me feel uncomfortable.
so·cial (s--'sh?l) pronunciation
adj.
1.
1. Living together in communities.
2. Of or relating to communal living.
3. Of or relating to human society and its modes of organization: social classes; social problems; a social issue.
2. Living together in organized groups or similar close aggregates: Ants are social insects.
3. Involving allies or members of a confederacy.
4. Of or relating to the upper classes.
5.
1. Inclined to seek out or enjoy the company of others; sociable.
2. Spent in or marked by friendly relations or companionship.
3. Intended for convivial activities.
6. Of, relating to, or occupied with matters affecting human welfare: social programs.
n.
I don't see anything in there about talking to you to make you feel better about being around me. I'm in your presence, I make eye contact when needed, I smile, I say thank you, I say please. I'm polite. I laugh at your jokes because they're funny. I really do like you. But don't be offended because I don't always have something to say.
I'm a listener, even if I don't always pay attention. I watch even if I don't always remember. I'd much rather write the script than act it out. Thats who I am, thats what I'll be forever and ever. Deal with it. It doesn't mean I hate you.
No one appreciates how itimate silence can be. How silence can say more than words sometimes.
Anyway... I guess I hope some people read this and give me some feedback.
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Do we always have to have an opinion or an answer to everything. Since when does my silence, or lack of things to talk about become offensive to someone else. Because I have nothing to say, doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you. Because I don't bloat an answer with a million words, that doesn't mean I'm being dismissive.
Most of the people know me would probably say that I have no problem talking, but at the asme time would probably be describe me as silent, and the quite type. Maybe? You tell me.
It's true, it takes some time for me to warm up to people, but I think thats true for everyone. I don't think I've ever just thrown myself into the mix without feeling totally comfortable. I guess my friends are my friends because they understand that everything that comes out of my mouth isn't poignant , poetic or thought invoking, I don't have to pad a conversation, when I want to talk I talk, when I want to listen, I listen and when I want to shout something random, its appreciated (I hope)
Some people aren't this way, some people wouldn't get me because of a huge generation gap, or a difference in style, taste or culture, and those people get silence. What bothers me is how those people could be offended.
If I didn't want to be around you, I wouldn't be there, I wouldn't just show up and sit there silent and for asshole's sake. I'm not talking because I have nothing to say, I have nothing to add to the current conversation. Your attempt at sparking a conversation has been noticed but I don't feel like I should be forced to talk to you. Look, I like you, or I wouldn't be around. If I have something to say, I'll say it. If your question requires more than 1 word, you'll get them, and if it happens to spark an interest, something we can both agree on being conversational, we'll talk, and I won't stop talking. But why do I have to talk to make you feel comfortable? Talking when I don't want to talk makes me feel uncomfortable.
so·cial (s--'sh?l) pronunciation
adj.
1.
1. Living together in communities.
2. Of or relating to communal living.
3. Of or relating to human society and its modes of organization: social classes; social problems; a social issue.
2. Living together in organized groups or similar close aggregates: Ants are social insects.
3. Involving allies or members of a confederacy.
4. Of or relating to the upper classes.
5.
1. Inclined to seek out or enjoy the company of others; sociable.
2. Spent in or marked by friendly relations or companionship.
3. Intended for convivial activities.
6. Of, relating to, or occupied with matters affecting human welfare: social programs.
n.
I don't see anything in there about talking to you to make you feel better about being around me. I'm in your presence, I make eye contact when needed, I smile, I say thank you, I say please. I'm polite. I laugh at your jokes because they're funny. I really do like you. But don't be offended because I don't always have something to say.
I'm a listener, even if I don't always pay attention. I watch even if I don't always remember. I'd much rather write the script than act it out. Thats who I am, thats what I'll be forever and ever. Deal with it. It doesn't mean I hate you.
No one appreciates how itimate silence can be. How silence can say more than words sometimes.
Anyway... I guess I hope some people read this and give me some feedback.
null
A current blog... there's nothing really current about it. I'm still doing the same old stuff. My life sucks, and thanks to this here blog, I'm just reminded how mundane and boring I am...
Damn, it's about that time I post something again. So yeah... work is getting better with this new assistant, I get to take more naps and masturbate 7 times a day instead of 3... just kidding... I think I work as much, but the hours are better, I'm not working into the wee hours of the morning trying to play catch-up.
In other news, I'm enjoying the time with my son. He's so funny, even when he plays these games where I have to prentend he's a zombie and I have to kill him with a foam bat, but he comes back to life like a bazillion times... haha, kids. Love em. He's already been here for more than a week, he goes back home on Saturday. That fuck sucks, I hate that part. I pray one day it will get better. Something will happen in my favor and we'll see eachother a lot more. I love him. And that's all I have to say about that.
I do miss Vanessa though, when my son is over, we work out this weird arrangment with my parents, and I stay with them for a couple weeks, so there isnt any travel, I can stay here and watch him while I work. Our house isnt equipped or safe enough to house a 4 year old. With all the cats, the booby traps, the spikes hanging from the ceiling, the frayed wires and open electrical sockets and our endless supply of things to stick in them, it's pretty dangerous... just kidding. It's just easier this way, and he's closer to the rest of the family.ZOMG but I miss Vanessa so much, I miss her smell, and her vagina, and her boobies. I hope she comes over to tonight so we can totally fuck in my parents house, it's such a turn on. LOL, just like the good ol' days. Right babe? I love you.
Ok... back to work.
In other news, I'm enjoying the time with my son. He's so funny, even when he plays these games where I have to prentend he's a zombie and I have to kill him with a foam bat, but he comes back to life like a bazillion times... haha, kids. Love em. He's already been here for more than a week, he goes back home on Saturday. That fuck sucks, I hate that part. I pray one day it will get better. Something will happen in my favor and we'll see eachother a lot more. I love him. And that's all I have to say about that.
I do miss Vanessa though, when my son is over, we work out this weird arrangment with my parents, and I stay with them for a couple weeks, so there isnt any travel, I can stay here and watch him while I work. Our house isnt equipped or safe enough to house a 4 year old. With all the cats, the booby traps, the spikes hanging from the ceiling, the frayed wires and open electrical sockets and our endless supply of things to stick in them, it's pretty dangerous... just kidding. It's just easier this way, and he's closer to the rest of the family.ZOMG but I miss Vanessa so much, I miss her smell, and her vagina, and her boobies. I hope she comes over to tonight so we can totally fuck in my parents house, it's such a turn on. LOL, just like the good ol' days. Right babe? I love you.
Ok... back to work.
YAY! My fucking sexy ass GIRLFRIEND joined SG! I'm so happy... Check her out SickGirl78 OMG... Anyway.... that's it. Say hi to her... hopefully I can get her to post some pictures of her most wonderfully amazing goods... 
Alex went home on Tuesday... I wont get to see him again till August. Sucks. I fucking hate when she says she misses him when he's gone, it makes me sick. How dare she say that to me. She doesn't know the meaning of the word.
I wish I had more money at the time of the trial, I could have fought more, I could have won custody maybe. Theres nothing I can do now but wait.
It sucks... I really try not to hate her, but she says things about me that I don't deserve. I shouldnt care what she thinks about me, but something tells me that my son will one day hear her say something about me. I hope he doesnt beleive it.
I love him so much, more than he ever know until he has a child of his own. He makes me want to be a better man, and I wish he was with me all the time.
he's gonna be a rockstar
I wish I had more money at the time of the trial, I could have fought more, I could have won custody maybe. Theres nothing I can do now but wait.
It sucks... I really try not to hate her, but she says things about me that I don't deserve. I shouldnt care what she thinks about me, but something tells me that my son will one day hear her say something about me. I hope he doesnt beleive it.
I love him so much, more than he ever know until he has a child of his own. He makes me want to be a better man, and I wish he was with me all the time.
he's gonna be a rockstar
2:30 am... Thursday morning... I just finished watching the Chronicals of Narnia - The Lion the Witch and The Wardrobe. It got me thinking, if I were to step into a magical wardrobe, what would be inside? Dead hookers? My secret stash of drugs and guns? Or maybe my own fantasy world filled with gnomes, elves.... girls with large breasts who dispense the best beer from their pretty pink nipples... I'd call this place... Heaven... imagine what your own personal heaven would be like... a liquor store on every corner, fully stocked with flaming hot cheetos and guiness. Bars open 24 hours a day where they would only allow girls I thought were hot inside. Girls were always drunk enough to want to do me... but never too drunk to have a nights full of passionate sex with a fat mexican. Girls would wouldnt mind my small penis, because they were amazed by how funny I was (and I have the only penis in a trillion miles) Girls who would obey my every command and wish. I could summon midgets to dance on my order, and have the deftones play at all of my parties. Id probably get bored with it.
A post from the boards... something I though I'd post in my journal too...
So, I've been having these dreams about ninjas... They don't start out weird, they actually start out pretty normal, they take place in real life places and situations. I remember this one I had last night very vividly. I'm driving, I decide that my car needs gas (I always drive a pink bmw 5 series in my dreams) I pull into the station, and just when Im about to swipe my card at the pump... ninjas, everywhere surround my car, its like a movie... they're all circling my car, and at any moment I know Im going to feel the cold pain of a blade through my liver or something. They're everywhere, they're jumping over cars, jumping down from the roofs of neighboring buildings... EVERYWHERE. I never wake up with any resolution... I always wake up just before the ninjas strike...
So I ask my friends, they think I need more sex, some say I need to START doing drugs, because then my dreams will make more sense or something. Other people tell me that the ninjas represent unsolved issues in my life, stalking me... Hmm...
So... Any suggestions? Thoughts? I don't know... I need a cold imported beer and a smoke. Where's the ninja icon?
So, I've been having these dreams about ninjas... They don't start out weird, they actually start out pretty normal, they take place in real life places and situations. I remember this one I had last night very vividly. I'm driving, I decide that my car needs gas (I always drive a pink bmw 5 series in my dreams) I pull into the station, and just when Im about to swipe my card at the pump... ninjas, everywhere surround my car, its like a movie... they're all circling my car, and at any moment I know Im going to feel the cold pain of a blade through my liver or something. They're everywhere, they're jumping over cars, jumping down from the roofs of neighboring buildings... EVERYWHERE. I never wake up with any resolution... I always wake up just before the ninjas strike...
So I ask my friends, they think I need more sex, some say I need to START doing drugs, because then my dreams will make more sense or something. Other people tell me that the ninjas represent unsolved issues in my life, stalking me... Hmm...
So... Any suggestions? Thoughts? I don't know... I need a cold imported beer and a smoke. Where's the ninja icon?
OCTOBER 2007
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AUGUST 2007
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