so i'm an idiot.

i was in the mall. walking down some steps. wasn't looking where i was going. missed the last stair.

i rolled my "good" ankle, and jarred my bad one. cried alone in the mall. limped home. stayed home from work.

WELL now my ankle doesn't work at all so i'm on crutches i don't think it's broken but i think i'm going to the hospital after work tomorrow. it's super swollen. it doesn't hurt as much as yesterday but it's huge and i can't put any weight on it at all. i really hate the thought of going into work tomorrow and making a spectacle of myself. but i need the money and i don't want to mess this job up. so i don't have a lot of choice.

so basically for work i'm redacting peoples personal information from confidential interviews.

now i'm typing transcripts (of the interviews) which i haven't done for a couple years now.

typing all day is way harder than it sounds. it's frustrating and tiresome and you get all sorts of stupid achy pains. hopefully my carpal tunnel doesn't come back.

i don't have any pictures for you today. sorry!

oh also trying to take a shower when you only have one working foot is not easy.

went to the CNE today. for all you non canadians (and torontonians? does the CNE go on in other cities? pretty sure it does....) the CNE is the Canadian National Exhibition. basically it's like a really really big fair. so you have the midway with games, you have rides (mostly ones that can be torn down - eek!!) and then you have a couple big buildings with various things. there's the international building with vendors from different countries (where i usually spend all my money), an "arts and crafts" building which pretty much just means that it's all independant creators and sellers, then the "animal" building which is mostly farm animals, some llamas and so on, and a lot of canadian farmer info. it's kind of sad really. "here are some pigs that will one day be food!". creepy.

then there's an automotive building, a place with super cheap clothes from different inexpensive retailers, another space where they have different vendors selling home stuff like fancy shower heads, kitchen gadgets, art, big tvs, etc etc.

OH and the food building. which is exactly what the title says it is.

the CNE is essentially a COME SPEND YOUR MONEY HERE event. it's pretty cool though. if you're ever in toronto at the end of the summer you should check it out.

aside from that it was a date with the boy which was nice.

my dad gave me money for it and said something along the lines of "we have to figure out if i should give you a larger amount that you chip away at or give you a certain amount at the same time every week" or something, which made it sound like he plans on giving me more money, which is really awesome. i have a really hard time asking him for money though so i'm not sure how we're going to work this all out. it's nice he's finally come around though. i think the combination of me having to yell at him last week about how he has no idea what it's like to be in my situation (because he's a chartered accountant, and people always need accountants, so aside from his age he doesn't have issues finding a job when he needs one) and the fact that he can tell i'm so down lately, AND my stepsister being a total shit last week, he's softened a bit.

the bit about my stepsister? she was generally an asshole to me last week and wasn't willing to lend me $9 to get home from her family cottage after she practically dragged me out there. my dad would have paid her back as soon as we got home, but the point is she was being shitty. though all this i had to confess to my dad that i only had $10 in my bank account (which i couldn't access because bank machines only give out $20s and the banks were closed), which is why he freaked and decided to start giving me money.

my stepsister just graduated university. she is now going to fucking PARIS for 8 months, for academic courses. only she's graduated, and it's going to give her 12 credits that might not apply at her school (soooo what are those credits for). she's doing it to learn FRENCH. because we live in canada where no one ever speaks french and learning it is impossible. it's not like we have an entire province that speaks french or anything. no, instead of staying in the country, learning french, maybe getting a job in montreal...she's taking out a student loan and moving to europe for 8 months. my dad seems to not agree with this whole idea (because she's never really had a real job) so i think that's why he's sticking up for me lately. i found out that her mom paid for her 5 week venice trip, and that my stepsister still owes our parents about $2000 from her 5 week trip to greece/turkey. soooo i wonder if she'll need any help while she's in paris? PROBABLY.

and my dad knows this, and probably thinks it isn't fair that they've spent so much money on her and her trips and her university and her housing while she was there.....so he's decided to help his own kid out.





this was really long. i'm sorry. i've been having a lot of crazy person verbal diarrhea lately. but at least the majority of the crazy should be settled by now and i should be going back to normal.

so anyways, here's a couple pictures to make up for the ranting:







those were each taken a week apart. i swear i don't just make sexy eyes at my computer all day hahaha


and here's some fire from our camping trip. with the d3100, no flash, nighty night time





aaaaand here's the most adorable kid in the world, my wee little cousin, destroying some (obviously non-fishy) sushi, and making a huge mess in the process






and here's what happens when you go outside and mosquitos love you. i get bit a LOT but no one else seems to. everyone else gets a couple, i look like i have some terrible disease. my feet are even worse. i finally figured it out - when i leave the city, almost everyone i'm with is very canadian. BUT my very not-canadian mother gets bit like crazy too. so maybe even though i look like the whitest person ever, maybe the mosquitos can taste? smell? the exotic () blood i have





or they can smell all the cookies i eat. lol.

sorry for the novel!

.....must stop looking at old pictures.

.....must stop being a crazy person.



on the plus(?) side, my dad seemed to finally clue in to how upset i am lately. after my stepsister spent the last 48 hours being an asshole, my dad actually took my side. and in the process, told me that i shouldn't have to worry about money, and that he knew i would need to be able to get around and stuff for jobs and to get me out of the house, and that he would float me some money until i can get back on my feet. he kept using phrases like "you're in the start up phase".


so me and my dad don't get along much, so that really meant a lot to me and made me weep like an idiot. my dad was going to take care of things, i wouldn't have to be so desperate....etc.


so i came home and found $40 in my room.


......beggars can't be choosers? i'm going to have to really budget this start up fund


at the very least, it righted the universe again. my dad thinking that $40 will last me until my first paycheque from an undetermined job on an undetermined date is much more true to his character than saying i shouldn't have to worry about money.