I'd like to offer some advice to the non-redhead population. Whatever your genocidal redhead ethnic cleansing plan is, stop tipping your hand. I would rather be caught off guard. About a dozen random people have come up to me to tell me that redheads are going to be extinct by 2060. Really? I'll turn 77 in 2060. That's well within a reasonable lifespan. It's not like they turned the redhead gene off In 1983 either. There's still redheaded kids running around. It's like their telling me that they're going to start rounding up redheads and throwing us in the back of trucks, but not for another 43 years. Right now they're just busy writing the first draft of the History Channel documentary. Have you ever seen that M.I.A. - Born Free video? Fucking YouTube it. It's weird as shit. They're either in L.A. or some war torn eastern European city and they just show a SWAT team raiding an apartment building, rounding up redheads. They break in and there's two fat people plowing and they don't even stop for the raid they just keep their heads down and their hips moving. Eventually the SWAT team rounds up enough redheads to fill up a Greyhound bus. Bullshit. There has never been enough redheads in one place to fill one of those buses ever in the history of man. So then they drag these poor fucks off to a concentration camp. There's firing squads. They're making redheads run through mine fields. It's fucked up! Basically, fuck you South Park. After that episode where Cartman tries to lead the redheads in open revolt my life went to shit. Granted it was never great before that. I've been called "Daywalker" more times than I can count. There was actually one time they called me that shit at a bar and some random fucker comes running in out of left field and says, "Oh shit! What movie is that from?" I politely explain that it was from an episode of South Park, not a movie. This fuck knuckle says, "No. there was a movie what was it?" I reply, "What? Fucking Blade?" I look a lot like Wesley Snipes. It's the tattoos." He didn't fucking get it, but for some reason it's me that can't convince someone to reproduce with me. Hence this extinction that's going to happen while I'm still alive. I think Just For Men is in on this conspiracy. I recently found about ten white hairs in my beard. Just what every under thirty year old male hopes for. Between that and my mom giving me shit for my receding hairline my self esteem is at an all time high. Anyway, back to the conspiracy. Just For Men doesn't make a single product for redheads. They have five shades of blonde, five shades of brown, white person black, and black person black. That's it. Then they run that commercial about the last grey haired man vanishing. It's because they sent the last redhead to that M.I.A. video, not because they solved his problems. Rant over.
Sorry,
Paul
Sorry,
Paul