Im quitting the site. I think my membership runs out on the 3rd June.
I went for drinks with a woman tonight and it was going well initially (I was 'very interesting 'and 'a nice guy' apparantly) until I went into one of my blabbermouth confessions that I'm a member of this site and dated someone from it and she kind of flipped out. Suddenly she was saying we didnt have enough in common and that she "isnt the suicidegirl-type girl I'm looking for". Hmm. I'm not too down about her in particular but this hasnt been an isolated incident recently.
I feel like Johnny Marr at the end of The Smiths - something that made me happy now hinders me and I need to move on. My heart hasn't been in the site for some time and just producing journals quoting lyrics is doing a disservice to the interesting people on my friend's list. (Did you know the last journal was a Nelly Furtado lyric?).
Some things have niggled me about this site. I feel that too many people value the concept of stuff more than the actual reality of it. I could give examples but I'd be preaching to the wrong people. I pruned my friend's list before writing this so if you are reading this as a friend then it means I think you are great.
So yeah, I'm not sad to leave and I may even make the odd 1 month return in the future. Im not leaving the planet either so if you want to keep in contact with me hit me up online or email me: ldwarren@hotmail.com
Lots of love to you all, especially darling Iggy.
Leon
x
I went for drinks with a woman tonight and it was going well initially (I was 'very interesting 'and 'a nice guy' apparantly) until I went into one of my blabbermouth confessions that I'm a member of this site and dated someone from it and she kind of flipped out. Suddenly she was saying we didnt have enough in common and that she "isnt the suicidegirl-type girl I'm looking for". Hmm. I'm not too down about her in particular but this hasnt been an isolated incident recently.
I feel like Johnny Marr at the end of The Smiths - something that made me happy now hinders me and I need to move on. My heart hasn't been in the site for some time and just producing journals quoting lyrics is doing a disservice to the interesting people on my friend's list. (Did you know the last journal was a Nelly Furtado lyric?).
Some things have niggled me about this site. I feel that too many people value the concept of stuff more than the actual reality of it. I could give examples but I'd be preaching to the wrong people. I pruned my friend's list before writing this so if you are reading this as a friend then it means I think you are great.
So yeah, I'm not sad to leave and I may even make the odd 1 month return in the future. Im not leaving the planet either so if you want to keep in contact with me hit me up online or email me: ldwarren@hotmail.com
Lots of love to you all, especially darling Iggy.
Leon
x
He has gone
Like meaning from a song
He is gone
Like a vampire in the sun
Apologies, but no thank yous please
He is gone
Like a bullet from a gun
So my wheels are turning
And this heart is yearning
Daddy give me one more chance
At least another dance
Across the floor
Spin me round
Throw me up
And push me down
Throw me back
But pull me up close to your heart
He has gone
Like a teenager from home
Whens been spun
And the funeral march has been sung
And the wheels are turning
And my hearts are burning
Daddy give me one more chance
At least another dance
Across the floor
Spin me round
Throw me up
And push me down
Throw me back
But pull me up close to your heart
Throw me down
And pull me up
Crash into me and then break apart
Throw me down
But pull me up close to your heart
Follow my eyes across the room
You drunken groom
What a surprise
Music stopped the issue has dropped
If you go then I go
If you throw then I throw
But you know and I know
I just can't dance with anyone
Throw me down
Pull me back
Crash into me and then break apart
Pull me up
Just pull me up close to your heart
Throw me down
Pull me up
Crash into me and then fall apart
Pull me up
Just pull me up close to your heart
He is gone
(Fade to end)
Like meaning from a song
He is gone
Like a vampire in the sun
Apologies, but no thank yous please
He is gone
Like a bullet from a gun
So my wheels are turning
And this heart is yearning
Daddy give me one more chance
At least another dance
Across the floor
Spin me round
Throw me up
And push me down
Throw me back
But pull me up close to your heart
He has gone
Like a teenager from home
Whens been spun
And the funeral march has been sung
And the wheels are turning
And my hearts are burning
Daddy give me one more chance
At least another dance
Across the floor
Spin me round
Throw me up
And push me down
Throw me back
But pull me up close to your heart
Throw me down
And pull me up
Crash into me and then break apart
Throw me down
But pull me up close to your heart
Follow my eyes across the room
You drunken groom
What a surprise
Music stopped the issue has dropped
If you go then I go
If you throw then I throw
But you know and I know
I just can't dance with anyone
Throw me down
Pull me back
Crash into me and then break apart
Pull me up
Just pull me up close to your heart
Throw me down
Pull me up
Crash into me and then fall apart
Pull me up
Just pull me up close to your heart
He is gone
(Fade to end)
Just looked through my mobile and there were of loads of names/numbers in my contacts that I havent got the foggiest idea as to who the hell they are. Dawn? Who the fuck is Dawn? Vicky? Huh? Emma Brown? Oh hang on, eww, I wish I could have forgotten about her.
SG is kind of the same for me. Apart from a core set of people Im sure a lot of people have drifted through my friends list and Im sure I exist on a lot of people's friend's list and they think "who is bateman?".
My mum lambasts me sometimes saying how stubborn I am and she goes "dammit, you're as stubborn as me!" and I've always been like that from an early age. One of my nicknames is Terr (short for terror) as whilst I was a mostly placid, sensitive kid I would cause hell if you tried to make me do something I didnt want to do. I dont find being in groups comforting and I feel like people willingly surrender their identities to be 'accepted', to be a team player. But where's the comfort in being part of a team if you cant be yourself? I see this a lot on SG and it saddens me as I think SG at its best is a joyous celebration of personality.
Jesus, bit deep today arent I? You know what, in about 6 hours time I will be in Islington (still gutted for Arsenal btw, couldnt concentrate on the Yeah Yeah Yeahs gig as I was checking the latest score on my phone) and be really pissed and really stupid.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
SG is kind of the same for me. Apart from a core set of people Im sure a lot of people have drifted through my friends list and Im sure I exist on a lot of people's friend's list and they think "who is bateman?".
My mum lambasts me sometimes saying how stubborn I am and she goes "dammit, you're as stubborn as me!" and I've always been like that from an early age. One of my nicknames is Terr (short for terror) as whilst I was a mostly placid, sensitive kid I would cause hell if you tried to make me do something I didnt want to do. I dont find being in groups comforting and I feel like people willingly surrender their identities to be 'accepted', to be a team player. But where's the comfort in being part of a team if you cant be yourself? I see this a lot on SG and it saddens me as I think SG at its best is a joyous celebration of personality.
Jesus, bit deep today arent I? You know what, in about 6 hours time I will be in Islington (still gutted for Arsenal btw, couldnt concentrate on the Yeah Yeah Yeahs gig as I was checking the latest score on my phone) and be really pissed and really stupid.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
"Serenade my love
Is all I can do
And I know yes, I know it's wrong to be so
Vigilant and so far gone
It goes on and on and on "
No I'm not in love but I met someone who made me flutter a little. Im not sure what she is thinking, she is so fucking nice and polite it's impossible to read but I always seem to impress the ones i dont care for and the ones I want remain out of reach. Same old story for a lot of us im sure. My friend mentioned the fact that most relationships have a lover and the beloved and that's vaguely depressing. When it seems equal its a magical thing.
***
"And when they come to swallow you
I'll be the water to wash you through"
Friendship/love is purity. Everytime I email you I cry at the end as you make me feel innocent. Wanting is usually a selfish concept but my only want is seeing you happy.
***
"don't waste no time the streets are on fire
hold out your arms , yes, it's called desire
getting quite sleepy but you held the door
the light from your eyes asks me for more"
I'm becoming sluttier. Part of me still feels I havent achieved all the sexual things I want to, the other half feels rather sickened at my animal instincts. Like I said in my previous journal - libido and conscience.
***
Lyrics by the lovely:
Confused ramblings by my goodself.
Tonight provoked questions. Three different people, three different situations but the question is the same "Why (did you) do you act like that?".
Her: "Do you not wonder why it turned out like it did? How can you get closure without the reasoning?"
Me: "I accepted the closure a long time ago and the reasons have become irrelevant"
But just because they are irrelevant, doesnt mean that they dont pop into my head every so often and say to me "what the fuck was that about?".
***
When the revolution takes place
I'll be late and
I'll be shot as a traitor
***
I've noticed that the imagery and words I'm using in terms of this site have become quite warlike and it's not so random. I've realised that my conscience is at war with my libido
Lights go out
Walls come tumbling down
Her: "Do you not wonder why it turned out like it did? How can you get closure without the reasoning?"
Me: "I accepted the closure a long time ago and the reasons have become irrelevant"
But just because they are irrelevant, doesnt mean that they dont pop into my head every so often and say to me "what the fuck was that about?".
***
When the revolution takes place
I'll be late and
I'll be shot as a traitor
***
I've noticed that the imagery and words I'm using in terms of this site have become quite warlike and it's not so random. I've realised that my conscience is at war with my libido
Lights go out
Walls come tumbling down
When I saw you at the grocery store
you were sharing a shopping cart with her
and I couldn't turn and run away
I didn't know what to say
You introduced us for the first time
and I had to look her in the eye
but you could not imagine my surprise
can't you see
you're leaving me
for an ugly girl
Does she talk about politics
and all the stuff that used to make me sick
does she smoke cigars and stay up late?
oh she's so great
Does she tell you what you want to hear
and I bet that she can grow a beard
I'd feel better thinking you were queer
it's not fair
I can't compare
to an ugly girl
ha ha ha
ha ha the jokes on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
is she so nice that it makes up for her face
there's no way
Do you have to keep your eyes closed
do you have to keep the lights down low
oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold
can't you see
you're leaving me
for an ugly girl
you were sharing a shopping cart with her
and I couldn't turn and run away
I didn't know what to say
You introduced us for the first time
and I had to look her in the eye
but you could not imagine my surprise
can't you see
you're leaving me
for an ugly girl
Does she talk about politics
and all the stuff that used to make me sick
does she smoke cigars and stay up late?
oh she's so great
Does she tell you what you want to hear
and I bet that she can grow a beard
I'd feel better thinking you were queer
it's not fair
I can't compare
to an ugly girl
ha ha ha
ha ha the jokes on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
is she so nice that it makes up for her face
there's no way
Do you have to keep your eyes closed
do you have to keep the lights down low
oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold
can't you see
you're leaving me
for an ugly girl
Had a weird moment. Drunk at Victoria, waiting for the last train, after getting the last tube, eating a fucking horrible burger, the scent of a girl on my fingers whom I will never fall for, I just kind of thought - I used to be sensitive and innocent..what the fuck happened?!
The romance, the hidden sea of passion it's still there though, it seeps out it little ways.
It seeps out listening to the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album, inspiring me.
It seeps out at the Fiona Apple concert where her singing was so pure I was grinning and a big tear rolled down my cheek.
It seeps out talking to Iggy, where something primal kicks out; protection, love, affection..whatever you want to call it.
I needed to reassure myself.
The romance, the hidden sea of passion it's still there though, it seeps out it little ways.
It seeps out listening to the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album, inspiring me.
It seeps out at the Fiona Apple concert where her singing was so pure I was grinning and a big tear rolled down my cheek.
It seeps out talking to Iggy, where something primal kicks out; protection, love, affection..whatever you want to call it.
I needed to reassure myself.
This girl is telling me I've made a rash decision and I "really am impatient" for calling it off with her and not discussing it with her. Eh? It's the most coolly-taken decision of my life..you didnt excite me, let it go.
***
SnowballInHell you rule! Thanks for alerting me to a gig in April by another of my fave artists..
FIONA APPLE!!
I have booked my ticket already. This is great. Juliana in March, Fiona in April, Yeah Yeah Yeahs in May.
***
SnowballInHell you rule! Thanks for alerting me to a gig in April by another of my fave artists..
FIONA APPLE!!
I have booked my ticket already. This is great. Juliana in March, Fiona in April, Yeah Yeah Yeahs in May.
bateman is a bad boy. Well, kind of.
The girl I've been going on dates with sent me a message last night and wanted to find out what was going on between us. After the weekend I decided I wasnt really into it and I told her so. She wasnt best pleased and launched a communication blitz via text, phone and email.
I had no idea whether she liked me or not but I guess she did. She said I had 'betrayed' her...umm, ok. She said I had used her (I might concede that one) and bizarrely added "Is it because my boobs are not big enough?".
I guess it was an experiment for me. Im used to being the emotional, passionate one in a relationship and I thought it would be fun to play the role of someone relaxed and not too involved in it. I wanted to see what doing couple-y things was like again, maybe I just wanted practice.
But yeah, I was playing a role. I had no passion for it and its left her smarting and me non-plussed so I guess the experimentation is over.
The girl I've been going on dates with sent me a message last night and wanted to find out what was going on between us. After the weekend I decided I wasnt really into it and I told her so. She wasnt best pleased and launched a communication blitz via text, phone and email.
I had no idea whether she liked me or not but I guess she did. She said I had 'betrayed' her...umm, ok. She said I had used her (I might concede that one) and bizarrely added "Is it because my boobs are not big enough?".
I guess it was an experiment for me. Im used to being the emotional, passionate one in a relationship and I thought it would be fun to play the role of someone relaxed and not too involved in it. I wanted to see what doing couple-y things was like again, maybe I just wanted practice.
But yeah, I was playing a role. I had no passion for it and its left her smarting and me non-plussed so I guess the experimentation is over.
