ok freaky things (or at least freaky to me) and I need somewhere to write them down to get them out of my head. Can't really talk to anyone about them, cos most people here are too conservative to understand and also cos I have a sore throat and am losing my voice- bummer.

So a year and a half ago my girlf and I were geographically separated by an entire ocean. she was here and I was back in SA. I moved over here approx 6 months ago. So our adult, seemingly mature, decision was to have an open relationship, which we did. We both had various horizontal encounters with people, and one of my horizontals turned into, well, a fuck buddy. she was a lithe redhead, 8 yrs younger than me, identified as a lesbian (she claims she hooked up with me all the time because she viewed me as a lesbian), and had a tendency to show up at my house in the middle of the night, which I realise was a booty call, now that I've come to the States, and found out what a booty call was from friends (ie my friends told me, not that they called me- although it might not be unwelcome if it came from one particular friend, but anyway that's neither here nor there). It was fun, and I think I ended up being more of a friend than a casual fuck to her.

anyway, I left to come to the States a little quickly and the last few days before were hectic. I saw her but didn't get time to say goodby properly, mostly because (i think) she wanted one last time and that was complicated for me at the time. I haven't emailled her since I left cos I don't have her email address, but out of nowhere I get an email from her yesterday wanting to know how I was and slipping in questions about my single/partnered status, comments about missing me and crying, and dropping in the possibility of "email sex". Obviously our interaction meant more to her than I realised, which I can understand is a regular occurrence, but 'email sex'? I live 6 hours difference of time zone away, not to mention an entire ocean away?

She obviously want's more from me. I feel bad. I wish I could be that person to her, but I have enough issues (only current, and definitely temporary (as in my issues, not my relationship) - see comment about cute friends and booty calls) making sure I am that person to my girlfriend. I hate my life right now- everything's so complicated here and although this should be a non-sequitor, this is adding to the confusion. aaargh

there... off my chest... maybe internal resolution will result. holding thumbs

ta da!

slowly working up speed to writing stuff in my journal- have always failed at journals, not because interesting stuff doesn't happen to me or because I can't write, but rather because the last journal I wrote was filled with interesting stuff that I when I re-read it, I realised I didn't want to remember any of it. But perhaps that self-indulgent phase has passed...

tho I don't really have anything particularly interesting to write about now. I usually have the most time to do stuff on this site when I pull a night-session (at my part-time gig) saving the state's citizens when they take stuff they shouldn't be.

which is where I am now. nothing to crazy yet tonight, tho I have had people who swallowed all sorts of stuff in the past.

anyway, nuff sed. thanks to krashdance who's added me as a friend, despite my dumb-ass question about her really being from botswana. I've only just figured out what 'nunya' means- moving to the States means having to learn the English language all over again. that's it for now- calls are coming in thick and fast. hopefully no more ricin panic calls