IPOD
RADIO
Does anyone know the exact date in 2012 that the world is supposed to end? I have plans to make and it wouldn't make much sense to book a room if I'm not going to be there to use it, know what I mean?
Courtesy of Bill Maher:
That's right. The Pope is coming to America this week, and, ladies, he's single! Now, I know what you're thinking: "Bill, you can't be saying that the Catholic Church is no better than this creepy Texas cult! For one thing, altar boys can't even get pregnant."
But, really, what tripped up the "little cult on the prairie" was that they only abused hundreds of kids, not thousands all over the world. Cults get raided. Religions get parades. How does the Catholic Church get away with all of their buggery? VOLUME, VOLUME, VOLUME!
If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you "Pope."
It's like if you can't pay your mortgage, you're a deadbeat, but if you can't pay a million mortgages, you're Bear Stearns, and we bail you out. And that's who the Catholic Church is, the Bear Stearns of organized pedophilia. Too big to fail.
When the current Pope was in his previous Vatican job as John Paul's Dick Cheney - he wrote a letter instructing every Catholic bishop to keep the sex abuse of minors secret until the statute of limitations ran out. And that's the Church's attitude: "We're here, we're queer, get used to it."
Which is fine. Far be it from me to criticize religion. But, just remember one thing: if the Pope was, instead of a religious figure, merely the CEO of a nationwide chain of daycare centers where thousands of employees had been caught molesting kids and then covering it up, he'd be arrested faster than you can say, "Who wants to touch Mister Wiggle?"
That's right. The Pope is coming to America this week, and, ladies, he's single! Now, I know what you're thinking: "Bill, you can't be saying that the Catholic Church is no better than this creepy Texas cult! For one thing, altar boys can't even get pregnant."
But, really, what tripped up the "little cult on the prairie" was that they only abused hundreds of kids, not thousands all over the world. Cults get raided. Religions get parades. How does the Catholic Church get away with all of their buggery? VOLUME, VOLUME, VOLUME!
If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you "Pope."
It's like if you can't pay your mortgage, you're a deadbeat, but if you can't pay a million mortgages, you're Bear Stearns, and we bail you out. And that's who the Catholic Church is, the Bear Stearns of organized pedophilia. Too big to fail.
When the current Pope was in his previous Vatican job as John Paul's Dick Cheney - he wrote a letter instructing every Catholic bishop to keep the sex abuse of minors secret until the statute of limitations ran out. And that's the Church's attitude: "We're here, we're queer, get used to it."
Which is fine. Far be it from me to criticize religion. But, just remember one thing: if the Pope was, instead of a religious figure, merely the CEO of a nationwide chain of daycare centers where thousands of employees had been caught molesting kids and then covering it up, he'd be arrested faster than you can say, "Who wants to touch Mister Wiggle?"
There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
From today's Charlotte Observer:
Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police said Wednesday they believe they caught two of the three thieves who have been using stolen garage door openers to break into homes in southern Mecklenburg over the last two weeks.
The arrest followed a confrontation Wednesday afternoon between a suspect and a break-in victim, who used a golf club to defend himself, police said.
Capt. R. M. Golding of the South Division gave this account in an e-mailed release issued Wednesday evening:
Around 1:30 p.m. Wednesday, thieves broke into an SUV parked at Providence Country Club off Providence Road, taking the garage door opener and bills.
They then headed to the victim's home address, in the same neighborhood. The victim, near the golf course, noticed his dog in his yard after leaving the animal in his house. Returning to his house, he saw the burglars' vehicle parked in his driveway with the engine running. The resident took the keys to the thieves' van and went back to the golf course.
One of the suspects chased the victim onto the golf course and confronted him while brandishing a flag from the golf course. The victim was able to fend off the suspect with a golf club, the police account said.
An off-duty police officer, who works for Providence Country Club, happened to be in the area and was able to catch one suspect on the scene. Officials found a second suspect in the Longview Community in nearby Union County.
Ok, let me get this straight: when the homeowner saw that his house was broken into, did he call the police? No, he took the keys from the burglars' van AND WENT BACK TO FINISH HIS ROUND OF GOLF….
And when the burglars saw that the homeowner had taken the keys from their getaway vehicle, that they had conspicuously left running in his driveway, did they hot-wire the van and get the hell out of there? No, one of them RAN AFTER THE HOMEOWNER TO GET HIS KEYS BACK….
Not only did he run after the homeowner, he grabbed a flag stick on the golf course as if it were a spear or something….
So what did the homeowner do then? HE BRANDISHED HIS GOLF CLUB LIKE A SWORD AND THEY HAD A FENCING MATCH….
If it wasn't for the fact that an off-duty cop happened to be nearby, those two wackos might still be having their sword fight….
Now THAT'S your local news.
Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police said Wednesday they believe they caught two of the three thieves who have been using stolen garage door openers to break into homes in southern Mecklenburg over the last two weeks.
The arrest followed a confrontation Wednesday afternoon between a suspect and a break-in victim, who used a golf club to defend himself, police said.
Capt. R. M. Golding of the South Division gave this account in an e-mailed release issued Wednesday evening:
Around 1:30 p.m. Wednesday, thieves broke into an SUV parked at Providence Country Club off Providence Road, taking the garage door opener and bills.
They then headed to the victim's home address, in the same neighborhood. The victim, near the golf course, noticed his dog in his yard after leaving the animal in his house. Returning to his house, he saw the burglars' vehicle parked in his driveway with the engine running. The resident took the keys to the thieves' van and went back to the golf course.
One of the suspects chased the victim onto the golf course and confronted him while brandishing a flag from the golf course. The victim was able to fend off the suspect with a golf club, the police account said.
An off-duty police officer, who works for Providence Country Club, happened to be in the area and was able to catch one suspect on the scene. Officials found a second suspect in the Longview Community in nearby Union County.
Ok, let me get this straight: when the homeowner saw that his house was broken into, did he call the police? No, he took the keys from the burglars' van AND WENT BACK TO FINISH HIS ROUND OF GOLF….
And when the burglars saw that the homeowner had taken the keys from their getaway vehicle, that they had conspicuously left running in his driveway, did they hot-wire the van and get the hell out of there? No, one of them RAN AFTER THE HOMEOWNER TO GET HIS KEYS BACK….
Not only did he run after the homeowner, he grabbed a flag stick on the golf course as if it were a spear or something….
So what did the homeowner do then? HE BRANDISHED HIS GOLF CLUB LIKE A SWORD AND THEY HAD A FENCING MATCH….
If it wasn't for the fact that an off-duty cop happened to be nearby, those two wackos might still be having their sword fight….
Now THAT'S your local news.
This was less of a vacation than a pilgrimage from one Gold's Gym franchise to the next along the West Coast. On the road, we bought water-packed tuna and ate it dry, tossing the empty cans in the backseat. We washed it down with diet soda and farted the length of Interstate 5.
Ed and Bill shot preloaded syringes of D-ball, and I did everything else. Arginine, ornithine, smilax, Inosine, DHEA, saw palmetto, selenium, chromium, free-range New Zealand sheep testicle, Vanadyl, orchid extract….
At the gym, while my friends bench-pressed three times their body weight, pumping up, shredding their clothes from the inside, I'd hover around their giant elbows.
"You know," I'd say, "I think I'm putting on some real size with this yohimbe bark tincture."
Yeah, that summer.
The only reason they let me hover was for contrast.
It's the old strategy of choosing ugly bridesmaids so the bride looks better.
Mirrors are only the methadone of bodybuilding. You need a real audience. There's that joke: How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three - one to screw in the bulb and two to say, "Really, dude, you look massive!"
Yeah, that joke. It's not really a joke.
- Chuck Palahniuk, "Stranger Than Fiction"
Ed and Bill shot preloaded syringes of D-ball, and I did everything else. Arginine, ornithine, smilax, Inosine, DHEA, saw palmetto, selenium, chromium, free-range New Zealand sheep testicle, Vanadyl, orchid extract….
At the gym, while my friends bench-pressed three times their body weight, pumping up, shredding their clothes from the inside, I'd hover around their giant elbows.
"You know," I'd say, "I think I'm putting on some real size with this yohimbe bark tincture."
Yeah, that summer.
The only reason they let me hover was for contrast.
It's the old strategy of choosing ugly bridesmaids so the bride looks better.
Mirrors are only the methadone of bodybuilding. You need a real audience. There's that joke: How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three - one to screw in the bulb and two to say, "Really, dude, you look massive!"
Yeah, that joke. It's not really a joke.
- Chuck Palahniuk, "Stranger Than Fiction"
