because i am starting school in january and i'm currently in a band while working a part time job he's willing to live with me and us help each other out. though i am excited about continuing to pursue the life i've always dreamed of having i'm also very scared about the unknown. as of right now i have no interest as far as pursuing a relationship with a woman, but i am going to explore a more open lifestyle as none of my friends really know about my secret. as i feel more comfortable i will open up about it. he's heartbroken, but he keeps telling me that he wants me to work my feelings out and wants my happiness more than anything else. i couldn't ask for anything more. he's wonderful.
i guess it's easy to put it out there on here, because everyone essentially is faceless and much less intimidating. so much of me wants these feelings to not be there. i've had a lot of terrible things happen to me as a result of it, but i know it's not realistic to think it will just go away. it's become much more intense the older i've gotten. i just hope that i'll become more independent and stronger in the process. as grateful as i am for his support i know that this is a journey i have to walk on my own.
thank you for the responses and brutal honesty. i needed the push. i guess i'll keep updating as things progress. i'm sure this mostly falls of deaf ears and that's fine. i just needed to get this secret off my chest. it was eating me alive.
stay kew kyds...
DEC 17, 2010 02:50 PM
DEC 17, 2010 03:32 PM
DEC 18, 2010 02:43 AM
I think what Skoosh is doing would be a good idea for you for now until you are really sure that, that is what you want...
most importantly congrats to you for realising who and what you are and not just trying to fix something you cannot fix which people do all the time!
@skoosh your not crazy everybody else who lives a lie are the crazy ones 
all the best Kewkyd!
DEC 18, 2010 01:35 PM
I think what you did took a lot of courage, you did the right thing. You're being real to yourself and it will bring you happiness. And its especially great that your husband is being so understanding about things.
I come from a very traditional mexican family, and I have not one but TWO gay sisters! when my older sister came out to my mom, it was so hard for me because she made my sister go away, but eventually she came around and is now accepting of both of my sister's lifestyle. It will be hard to tell the people around you, but if they really love you, they will accept you unconditionally.
I hope you're doing well
