I am back. I amfeeling much better now. I have moved out of my home amd am taking a break away from my husband. We have agreed to work things out and I am 'cautiously optimistic' about the fate of our marriage. He has been much nicer and is willing to do counseling and look at his health.

I am also in therapy and doing AA. I am sober for over 90 days now. I am feeling much more focused and clear in everything that I do.

Sorry about not logging in for so long but I can't log in at work (HOLY ADULT CONTENT BATMAN!!) and don't have a 'puter of my own.

Hope tp write soon. Best wishes to everyone who happens upon my humble little page.

HUGS.
JB

BLANK. I feel blank. I have lost myself. Now that I am sober and working a program, I am feeling a lot. I mostly feel like I have lost myself and empty. Could it be that the reason he is bieng so mean, that I am doing something positive for myself?

I did apply for a new job at my company. I really hope that I get it. I will interview this week. Wish me luck all.

Anyway, I do feel lost. My SO thinks that I should be working out and that will make me feel better. I have been going for walks at lunchtime, but since he is not seeing any changes in my appearance, he thinks I am lying about it.

I am thinking of joining a gym, but we don't have any money so I can't do that. I would love to go back to
kickboxing ( I used to do Muy Thai) , but now that I am going to AA meetings, I've been told that I am away from home enough as it is.


Anyway, I wanted to say hello. I have now been clean & sober for 28 days. I am hoping that I can regain myself this year. I have come to the conclusion that I have lost myself, and that's got to change.

Signing off...

JB

What a great weekend so far! We cleaned up the whole living room and moved all the furniture around. It looks great! I am so glad that we could work together to get it done. I have a bunch of laundry to get done today, but I am already off to a great start. I am excited because there are two football games on today that should be GREAT GAMES.

Anyway, tomorrow is my birthday, so I am hoping to get things my way. I won't hold my breath, though, cause I know that's not how it will work out for the most part.

Love all.

MD

Happy Friday. I am home and waiting until it's time to go to this AA meeting near my house. I have had a really long week, even though we were off on Monday. My husband has been off work since late december and it is really stressing me out. He is grouchy and mean because he's depressed, but he won't go and get help. I am looking into getting myself some help on the jiffy.

Hey now. Happy Monday. As for this weekend, we're on day 4 of 4 and I have to get back to WORK tomorrow. Work is a four-letter word after all. That sucks. Oh well. I hope I don't have too much to catch up on from Friday.

Oh yeah, Monster Jam was awesome! Here's a pic of me and the kids:



Pretty nifty, huh?

We got to meet all the drivers, which the kids loved.

I was hoping to do more fun stuff this weekend, but we are really low on cash, especially now. Anyway, I will go now and try to get some housework done.

JB

Happy Saturday to all. I am doing ok since I wrote last. I am struggling with trying to stay sober while my other half is hiding in the bottle, but I need to do what's good for me and the kids. I have been clean and sober since 1/08/07. I am documenting the date so I don't take it so lightly.

Anyway, we are having a good weekend so far, tonight all of us (me, digity, and the 2 kids- girl 7/ boy 3) are going to MONSTER JAM tonight in SFat AT&T park. It's going to be cold as a wich's tit, but we're going to bundle up and have a blast! I love monster trucks and am thrilled that my daughter and son share my enthusiasm as well.

I miss the city. I grew up there and lived there for twenty + years, but I haven't been there in over 2 years! As if I am so far away here in Hayward. I need to get there and see my homies someday soon. I don't like not being 'allowed' to go over there.

I hope that things are quiet for the rest of the weekend and that we can figure out how to be a happy family.

Hope everyone else has a great weekend!

Much love.
Justblue/ SF/

Happy New Year. I'm back. I've been acting up a bit and didn't want to talk about it. I am ready to behave now. I am clean and sober for 4 days now. I hope that it will work this time. I am bummed bacause there's some drama in my home life that is making it really hard to stay sober, but I am going to do my best anyway.

Like the fairy tale girl, Cinderella, I can't go to the ball until my chores are done/ Only for me it's not the Ball that I want to attend, only a few AA meetings each week. Oh well. I will have to try it on my own for awhile - at least until I can catch up on the housework.

That bieng said, I am going so say goodbye, finish my 2nd cup of java and get my gloves on for kitchen, bathroom (x2) and vacuuming fun.

Take care all, and I hope that the last month has been great for all.

XOXO

JustBLUE!

Holiday Stress sucks....
While I like the parties and extra days off, I hate the stress. I am trying to keep it together while keeping my bills paid and shopping for gifts. I am afraid that I don't have the best judgment when it comes to this task.

I hope that I can make it through this season without doing too much damage (to my credit, health, marriage, job, etc). It sucks to start off the new year with a bunch of guilt and shame.
Tonight is my job's holiday party. I reserved a room at a nearby hotel so me and my hunny can have a little alone time. I hope that it works out well. I have been kind of an ass lately.

Anyway, here's to me not drinking and being nice to my husband.

hope everyone has a swell saturday niht, wherever you are and whatever you're doing.

jb.

It's FRIDAY!!!! I have had kind of a crazy couple of weeks. Glad I get a weekend to relax. I hope I can work on what looks like laundry mountain again. If i keep this stuff under control, it will not be so overwhelming.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Love y'all!

JB

I am home with my sick kid today. I hope he is better soon. It's really no so great when I miss work, because there's so much for me to do the next day. My kid needs me and grandma isn't available today. I need to clean house and go shopping, as well as hit an AA meeting too. I hope I have time for all of that stuff. This means I won't sit online for too long today.

Hope everyone is havoing a great day today.

justblue