Been a rough couple weeks, or more like couple months or even years, when seen in hindsight... Just took a trip down to visit a bunch of friends down in Oklahoma, and [inevitably] some things have changed. We never really want them to change when we find some place that, to us, through timing or fate, is perceived as "magical" in it's serenity. Wishing it back the way it was doesn't do much, so adjustments are made. Was a long drive, but those always give me time for introspection. I half-assed "finalized" a couple tattoo ideas, and was just contemplating life in general.
As so often happens, a song came on my MP3 player that broke through the hypmotizing effect of the road. Lyrics are here, dark as they seem.

5. Darkness Within - Machine Head ("Unto The Locust" album)

Here in the darkness that I lay
Depression heavy in its weigh
And how my body aches to leave
To sing its final eulogy
My sons I love you evermore
And though the road beckons once more
I see the damage that I've done
In search for redemption
But I am just a broken man
Whose souls cries out to understand
How the madness shatters me
Upon the stage on bended knee
I scream out loud at skies above
That answer mute bereft in love
I struggle not to fall from grace
Or sing the hymns of my disgrace

We build Cathedrals to our pain
Establish monuments to attain
Freedom from all of the scars and the sins
Lest we drown in the darkness within

Mystery's forgotten chords
I strum in vain to please the lord
But he has never answered me
My faith has waned eternally
In empty men who pass along
The woes of all religions wrong
But now the shadowed veil it falls
Heed the Clarion call
So pray to music build a shrine
Listen in these desperate times
Fill your heart with every note
Cherish it and cast afloat
Because god is in these clef and tone
Salvation is found alone
Haunted by its melody
Music it will set you free
Let it set you free

We build Cathedrals to our pain
Establish monuments to attain
Freedom from all of the scars and the sins
Lest we drown in the darkness within

Music my saviour (save me)

We build Cathedrals to our pain
Establish monuments to attain
Freedom from all of the scars and the sins
Lest we drown in the darkness within

Hello SG! Been a long time away...9 months or so. Was deployed to Afghanistan, and now I'm BACK!! in the States! Yay me! Got alot of catching up to do, in actions and in life in general. Going to check out all the lovelies I missed out on, all the new stuff from the ones I already knew, and might even check out this new "dating" thing I've seen advertised (but had no access too). Not much hope there as I'm too old and such for most SGs, but what the hell? I'll at least give it a look
Was a long deployment, and I'm happy to be out of that stupid country. Hope to never go back there, too! Bunch of dirty, stone-age morons on that side of the world. Can make a bomb out of seemingly nothing, but haven't figured out indoor plumbing. I mean, really?! Whatever... LOL

So, life sucks, my boss is an asshole (but alot of them are, so that's not really a shock), and...It's snowing, damnit!! Ugh, why must I perpetually live in places with harsh winters? I'm originally from SoCal, and this white shit falling from the sky has GOT to stop! I mean, looks cool on a post card or in movies, but the real-life effects are just crap. I'm going to boycott shoveling, if it comes to that. It rained and was windy all day, so the ice layer underneath, provided we get enough snow on top, might help us get out of work tommorrow. I'll keep my fingers crossed on that one, but not holding my breath...lol Come on lottery! Take me away!!

Thought for the day:

So, it's a new year, and plans are in the works. Better things for 2011? Possibly... Back in the Army, after a 7 year hiatus, in just under a week. Get this though; Have to go back through the ENTIRE basic/AIT thing (for me it's actually OUSUT, as I'm a CAV Scout) for 17 straight weeks of thrills, chills, fun and excitement! Why am I putting myself through this kind of hell? Because my civilian life is going absolutely nowhere, be it fast or slow! I'm 35 now, turning 36 while in training for extra added fun, and figured that I might actually live long enough to need something resembing a retirement. Crazy, right? Working odd jobs with no sign of a "carreer" in sight, no motivation to go back to college [unless it's for the hot girls and parties], and living pay check to pay check has had me feeling down for quite awhile now. My friends who are still in say it's changed dramatically, but whatever, I'll just have to see for myself. A new adventure is coming up, and I'm ready for that... I mean, how bad could it be? LMFAO! Did I just curse myself asking THAT?!?!

How to start this 1st blog, and what the topic should be, have been on my mind this past couple days. I don't blog much on any of my other social network sites (MS, FB, ect.) but when I do I like to have something to say that might mean something to the reader. So, here goes... I figured my re-introduction to this site might be a good starter:
I've bypassed being an "active" member of SG for awhile now, and I don't really know why. Guess I never really looked into it, or past the pics of the gorgeous girls! I've been very busy/active with other sites, but they're easier to get into being mostly previously known family and friends. I have been working on a rock/metal website pretty heavily for about a year now that some friends and I run as well, but that's a pretty specific crowd. These seem like excuses to me though, and pretty poor ones, for my inactivity. I mean, I'm paying for it, right? LOL Whatever, I'm actually joining groups, posting comments, and such like now in an effort to see where this "new road" will take me.
One path that I have not dared tread yet is in actively making "friend requests". I don't know exactly how it'll be recieved if a 35 year old dork suddenly pops up and wants to be a cyberpal (or whatever it would be called) on a site primarily focused on "beautiful, naked, tattoed...girls". Kinda creepy and stalkerish? Might be, I don't know, and of course I'll NEVER know until I take the plunge, but whatever. I'm not to that point yet, I guess. I'm not in enough groups, haven't posted enough comments, yada yada... to get a real feel of the folks I'm in here with yet to see who I would want to be friends with anyway. I mean, besides a bunch of my "faves" of course. See what I mean about the "creepy..." thing? That didn't even sound right to me, and I'm typing it! Ugh... I'll get there eventually. Without friends and such, this can be a lonely place again.
Found some interesting looking groups and board topics today, and applied for another 2 groups, but am "pending" right now. We'll see how that goes. There are just so damn many out there it's easy to get lost in the maze. I've got to try and figure out some of the pathways and backdoors (pun intended?) through stuff to make it easier to navigate. Every site has them, it's just a matter of finding the time to work with it.
Well, I'm off to check msgs in those "other" sites, but I thought I'd throw this up here to help fill out my profile a bit. I wonder if it worked?

Joe