Dear anonymous,
I don't want to try anymore... I don't want to try for your affection. You obviously don't care about me. Or I suppose I should say, care enough about me. You seem to care a little bit in that you go out of your way to spend time with me at work, but whenever I try to make real plans, you turn me down or stand me up. I don't know why I care about you and part of me thinks I don't really. That would be the side that comes out when I really feel there is nothing to connect to. The other side of me really believes that I care about you and knows if you'd just show it back we'd really have something. I am such a cliche'. Look at me writing this self indulgent dribble. I think I am happy most of the time. Which is the same as saying I am happy. The more time that goes by though, the more time without a girl who I know without a shadow feels something real and tangible about me. the more I feel that every little negativity from the opposite sex is a complete rejection of me and who I am. This of course is, none of it, your fault. Even on a good or bad day, most of me knows you are just the vessel of my unrequited love. Maybe this is me asking what I should do about that. Pessimism says that even when I try to expand my somewhat limited pool of possibilities I usually end up with already involved girls in one form or another. Optimism shouts back more fierce and over the top to keep trying and stay motivated. Self motivation is something I am getting better at these days. It's probably a combination of both that will end me up out of this excruciating downward spiral of self doubt. In any event, I'm sure this has been very confusing for both of us although likely more so for you, but I think the point I'm aiming for is that I'm not going to pretend I'm never going to let myself care about you, but know that within these coming months I intend to slowly ween myself off of you, the fake love, the holding me back girl, until I am completely done with you. If I'm lucky I'll have found my real somebody already. If I am not, then I know by the time I can say no more and stand my ground, she won't be too far off.
Passingly yours,
Jacob
I don't want to try anymore... I don't want to try for your affection. You obviously don't care about me. Or I suppose I should say, care enough about me. You seem to care a little bit in that you go out of your way to spend time with me at work, but whenever I try to make real plans, you turn me down or stand me up. I don't know why I care about you and part of me thinks I don't really. That would be the side that comes out when I really feel there is nothing to connect to. The other side of me really believes that I care about you and knows if you'd just show it back we'd really have something. I am such a cliche'. Look at me writing this self indulgent dribble. I think I am happy most of the time. Which is the same as saying I am happy. The more time that goes by though, the more time without a girl who I know without a shadow feels something real and tangible about me. the more I feel that every little negativity from the opposite sex is a complete rejection of me and who I am. This of course is, none of it, your fault. Even on a good or bad day, most of me knows you are just the vessel of my unrequited love. Maybe this is me asking what I should do about that. Pessimism says that even when I try to expand my somewhat limited pool of possibilities I usually end up with already involved girls in one form or another. Optimism shouts back more fierce and over the top to keep trying and stay motivated. Self motivation is something I am getting better at these days. It's probably a combination of both that will end me up out of this excruciating downward spiral of self doubt. In any event, I'm sure this has been very confusing for both of us although likely more so for you, but I think the point I'm aiming for is that I'm not going to pretend I'm never going to let myself care about you, but know that within these coming months I intend to slowly ween myself off of you, the fake love, the holding me back girl, until I am completely done with you. If I'm lucky I'll have found my real somebody already. If I am not, then I know by the time I can say no more and stand my ground, she won't be too far off.
Passingly yours,
Jacob