Schwiggity-schwell, today only experienced some minor bumps in the road. The bus ride home from the mountain was unbeLIEVably annoying. It's like people lose IQ points when the go on vacation. Don't you bastard skiers know that skis go on the OUTSIDE of the bus?! Assholes. Also we hit traffic in the most random place, all of which made me miss the BBQ a good buddy of mine was throwing for the baskeball game. Not that I care two shits about basketball, but he's a good man and I was pissed I couldn't contribute.
On galactically lighter notes, I had yet another spiritual journey through the snow today. I mean, we're talkin knee-deep powder across the board, and so many freakin face-shots all day that I had to stop every 20 min or so just to figure out where the hell I was. Hell, there were points during the day where visibility was so low I started getting vertigo from lack of a reference point. Un-fucking-believable. It's days like today that redeem my entire return to this not-so-God-forsaken town. Well, that and the two stupidly unappreciated two years I spent with a wonderful girl here, but that's a horse of a different color. Anyway, if you ever get the chance to shred while listening to Iron and Wine, I highly recommend you do so. It is so choice.
Also, I got drunk tonight at my fav techno/house bar. Below are some lyrics that made me step back a bit today on the mountain (all fantastic artists = listen to them!):
No more fighting.
This is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.
You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.
-I Want To Know Your Plans by Say Anything
Found your mittens behind a box of pictures
You would wear them before I brewed the tea
That's one memory I can easily conjure
Weary memory I can always see
-Weary Memory by iron & Wine
Please show me how to live.
Please show me how to have a day.
I don't want to wake up now-ah.
Why do I have to wake up anyway.
-White Lexus by Mike Doughty
On galactically lighter notes, I had yet another spiritual journey through the snow today. I mean, we're talkin knee-deep powder across the board, and so many freakin face-shots all day that I had to stop every 20 min or so just to figure out where the hell I was. Hell, there were points during the day where visibility was so low I started getting vertigo from lack of a reference point. Un-fucking-believable. It's days like today that redeem my entire return to this not-so-God-forsaken town. Well, that and the two stupidly unappreciated two years I spent with a wonderful girl here, but that's a horse of a different color. Anyway, if you ever get the chance to shred while listening to Iron and Wine, I highly recommend you do so. It is so choice.
Also, I got drunk tonight at my fav techno/house bar. Below are some lyrics that made me step back a bit today on the mountain (all fantastic artists = listen to them!):
No more fighting.
This is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.
You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.
-I Want To Know Your Plans by Say Anything
Found your mittens behind a box of pictures
You would wear them before I brewed the tea
That's one memory I can easily conjure
Weary memory I can always see
-Weary Memory by iron & Wine
Please show me how to live.
Please show me how to have a day.
I don't want to wake up now-ah.
Why do I have to wake up anyway.
-White Lexus by Mike Doughty
Not the most exciting day in the world, but pretty good nonetheless. Vannah's still the same old Vannah, though apparently wears a smaller size than she did in high school. Such a great girl. Too bad the majority of the time I've known her, and it HAS been since 9th freakin grade, I was far too socially awkward to know how dating works. All good though, seeing as I now have a super-rad friend to hang out with. Besides, I like the dude she's leavin, and ya just can't hate on that situation. Far too recent, and far too messy to get involved in. Not really what I need to be lookin for for myself at this point either. You get the idea.
As always, even at a snail's pace, snow = therapy. It's definitely spring snow, and things are goin downhill quickly (yuk yuk yuk). Even though I only ended up with enough days to pay for a pass, still a VAST improvement over last season's pathetic attempt at winter.
I also always love calling 20 or so people and having everyone be so lame as to prefer staying home over goin out and havin a good time. It's like people just assume you have to be incredibly boring in order to be an adult. I'll never understand it, and I refuse to slow down. Life's too short.
Finally, I totally had a moment last night. I guess everyone does here and there. The igniting factor really wasn't that big a deal at all, as it turns out. Guess there's probably still a little pent up pain hangin around in my guts somewhere.
Anyway, time for Darjeeling, Ltd.
Today's Points of Happy:
Snow
Vannah
Kickin ass in FFX
Finding out things aren't as bad as they seemed.
Finally watching Darjeeling.
Edit: Also Wes Anderson. I've been feeling sorry for myself all along.
As always, even at a snail's pace, snow = therapy. It's definitely spring snow, and things are goin downhill quickly (yuk yuk yuk). Even though I only ended up with enough days to pay for a pass, still a VAST improvement over last season's pathetic attempt at winter.
I also always love calling 20 or so people and having everyone be so lame as to prefer staying home over goin out and havin a good time. It's like people just assume you have to be incredibly boring in order to be an adult. I'll never understand it, and I refuse to slow down. Life's too short.
Finally, I totally had a moment last night. I guess everyone does here and there. The igniting factor really wasn't that big a deal at all, as it turns out. Guess there's probably still a little pent up pain hangin around in my guts somewhere.
Anyway, time for Darjeeling, Ltd.
Today's Points of Happy:
Snow
Vannah
Kickin ass in FFX
Finding out things aren't as bad as they seemed.
Finally watching Darjeeling.
Edit: Also Wes Anderson. I've been feeling sorry for myself all along.
Haha, wow. Worst night of sleep ever. Only thing that sucks about working out again is your muscles get so sore you end up never being able to get comfortable enough to sleep. Bring on the snow, bitches!
I broke down again tonight. My heart finally broke, and the weight of everything crushed the tears out. I don't cry normally, but it seems like all I want to do lately. I've decided that I can't keep living like this. My massive mistakes keep breaking me down, and I won't survive if I keep letting it happen. I've ruined a lot of really great things in my life, and if I don't figure out a way to stop doing so, I'm afraid I won't make it any further. It's just not normal to imagine yourself freefalling from the building you're in, and praying for the impact below.
The bottom line is, I'm not happy. With anything. My career, myself, my loneliness...everything. The worst part is I've put myself right where I lay. I was the one that left the last three amazing loves in my life. I was the one who decided I needed to find some sort of career to be worth anything. I was the one who left behind every good thing I've had in my life. I wanted so badly to call someone, anyone, that could comfort me tonight, and I realized that there was no one I could really call. Sure, there's plenty of numbers in my phone, but none of them could help me. Not one. I'm surrounded by people every day and I'm constantly alone. And the ONLY times when I've felt not-so-alone have been with the last three loves I've treated so poorly. Beyond those times, I can't really say I even know for sure what makes me happy anymore.
Snowboarding lets me forget, and I've had some incredibly transcendant moments on the mountain, but it only lasts until I leave the snow. Skydiving's the same, but I never have the money or a freakin ride. Drinking and partying, well, they make it easy to forget, so long as I can have a good time with the people I'm around, but it usually just intensifies the depression when I can't. Not to mention that sort of thing can't last forever. Traveling can be really great, but that's also temporary. School in no way makes me happy, thats for damned sure, but I've come so far it's just too hard to quit. Video games are just a mindless way to distract myself. Sometimes I can feel really good when I'm workin out, but that's rare, and I'd much rather be playing a team sport or something.
That's kinda all my life consists of now. School takes up so much fucking time that I barely get to do anything else, and that really makes things hell. The schooling alone could ruin the entire damned career for me. It stops me from doing whatever it is that makes me happy. But maybe if I figure out what that actually is, I'll be able to find a way to be happy more often, at the very least until I have love again. So I guess that's where I'll start. Here's to learning how to be happy.
Things that made me happy today:
Watching ducks with someone in the park.
Running.
Thoughts of an old friend/flame.
Being invited on a cruise by someone I can call an aquantance at best.
Boarding tomorrow with someone that made me happy often a long time ago.
The bottom line is, I'm not happy. With anything. My career, myself, my loneliness...everything. The worst part is I've put myself right where I lay. I was the one that left the last three amazing loves in my life. I was the one who decided I needed to find some sort of career to be worth anything. I was the one who left behind every good thing I've had in my life. I wanted so badly to call someone, anyone, that could comfort me tonight, and I realized that there was no one I could really call. Sure, there's plenty of numbers in my phone, but none of them could help me. Not one. I'm surrounded by people every day and I'm constantly alone. And the ONLY times when I've felt not-so-alone have been with the last three loves I've treated so poorly. Beyond those times, I can't really say I even know for sure what makes me happy anymore.
Snowboarding lets me forget, and I've had some incredibly transcendant moments on the mountain, but it only lasts until I leave the snow. Skydiving's the same, but I never have the money or a freakin ride. Drinking and partying, well, they make it easy to forget, so long as I can have a good time with the people I'm around, but it usually just intensifies the depression when I can't. Not to mention that sort of thing can't last forever. Traveling can be really great, but that's also temporary. School in no way makes me happy, thats for damned sure, but I've come so far it's just too hard to quit. Video games are just a mindless way to distract myself. Sometimes I can feel really good when I'm workin out, but that's rare, and I'd much rather be playing a team sport or something.
That's kinda all my life consists of now. School takes up so much fucking time that I barely get to do anything else, and that really makes things hell. The schooling alone could ruin the entire damned career for me. It stops me from doing whatever it is that makes me happy. But maybe if I figure out what that actually is, I'll be able to find a way to be happy more often, at the very least until I have love again. So I guess that's where I'll start. Here's to learning how to be happy.
Things that made me happy today:
Watching ducks with someone in the park.
Running.
Thoughts of an old friend/flame.
Being invited on a cruise by someone I can call an aquantance at best.
Boarding tomorrow with someone that made me happy often a long time ago.
"I loved it!" 
Well no.fucking.shit! You loved to see a naked girl from the privacy of your own masturbatorium! Congratulations you slothy fuck! Is it just me, or is it undeniably awesome that popularity of photosets are based on sheer number of comments?! God forbid it actually have to do with depth or the ability to use English (or any other language for that matter)!
Missy, I'm sure you'll never read this, but if you do, hows about we just keep a tally of the astronomical numbers of "I'm too lazy to type anything in response to this lovely girl putting herself completely out there in all her glory, so I'll just click this button, cause this box won't go away if I don't do anything," also known as "I loved it!" That way, we won't have to scroll through thousands of the same three words just to see what people ACTUALLY thought about a set. There can be a litte box on the side that could say "X amount of people 'Loved It!'" Or you could do one sarcastically better, to encourage actual participation, and make the box say "X amount of people took the time to look at this girl naked, rub one out, and then were too tired to do anything else but click one button that vaguely resembles an actual response." I think that could work, right?
End diatribe. Love that you lazy Americans.
Well no.fucking.shit! You loved to see a naked girl from the privacy of your own masturbatorium! Congratulations you slothy fuck! Is it just me, or is it undeniably awesome that popularity of photosets are based on sheer number of comments?! God forbid it actually have to do with depth or the ability to use English (or any other language for that matter)!
Missy, I'm sure you'll never read this, but if you do, hows about we just keep a tally of the astronomical numbers of "I'm too lazy to type anything in response to this lovely girl putting herself completely out there in all her glory, so I'll just click this button, cause this box won't go away if I don't do anything," also known as "I loved it!" That way, we won't have to scroll through thousands of the same three words just to see what people ACTUALLY thought about a set. There can be a litte box on the side that could say "X amount of people 'Loved It!'" Or you could do one sarcastically better, to encourage actual participation, and make the box say "X amount of people took the time to look at this girl naked, rub one out, and then were too tired to do anything else but click one button that vaguely resembles an actual response." I think that could work, right?
End diatribe. Love that you lazy Americans.
