I know I have vanished, but I'm alive. Swear.

I got a bunny. It's name is Audrey Hopburn.




I feel great, I love summer, I want to have fun.

I'm back for a bit...

What's up everyone?

I had a little bit of free time... well, when I say alittle, I mean A LITTLE!

How is everyone?

I've been in school... working... going crazy being 21...

I think I might not be renewing my account.... I don't have time to really go on.... i peak in now and again.

My 21st is on Tuesday, so.... birthday present, i'll accept a new account

If not, it's okay... I understand.

You might see me around, I plan on applying to SG.

First off... HELLO FRIENDS! I've really been missing the scene here in the glorious land of SG. I found out tons of dirt reading some of the blogs... Like who is dating who from the site... What a big trend! I really think that SG should make a commercial for their site and advertise it like Match.com... but with more pervs, plus naked ladies, tattoos and peircings. What y'll think? Haha.

My life has done a 180*... and I finally feel the way I have been wanting to feel. I love beauty school, this was the best decision I've ever made with my life. I love that I wake up, go to school, come home for a minute to get change to work... I wake up at 7 AM, at school by 8:45, done school at 4PM, and have to be at work by 5PM and don't get out until 9PMish.... Big change from waking up at 11AM and farting around the house until I had to go to work at 5pm. I finally feel productive.

School is great... and the girls and 3 guys I'm in class with are great! It's so funny, not to sound full of myself or anything, but EVERYONE in the class wants to be my friend! There are 21 girls, and 3 guys... and they all ask me to hang out... go to lunch... everytime I decide I want to have a cig on my break, they all come outside... if I don't go outside, they stay wherever I am... It's weird, I have never really been well liked in school.... I'm kinda the class comedian, whatEVER i say, they laugh at. I mean, don't get me wrong, I consider myself funny... but not chuckle for 10 mins. funny. I said this stupid thing that only deserved a little pretend chuckle, and the whole class was cracking up for 10 mins and looked like they were going to wet themselves... I felt like I was in a different world. Seriously. I could say "Excuse me, are we supposed to be cutting or doing perm rods right now?" and they would crack up. I'm kinda getting annoyed with it...

Speaking of perm rods...
MINE SUCK OUT LOUD! I'm the WORST at them in the WHOLE CLASS!
I kick ass at cutting hair....
BUT I SUCK AT THESE FUCKING THINGS!
I'm determined to get mine perfect.

I have lost a total of 12 pounds in 4 weeks following weight watchers.... and it's seriously the best thing I have ever done for myself. Eating correctly is the best feeling in the whole entire world. I have more energy, I feel better... it's just great. I never even noticed what eating certain foods would do to my body, internally.... if you know what I mean... This is my new way of living, for now on... It's so easy to maintain!

Can you tell?


Incase you missed my face....


Halloween! I don't know what I'm doing yet... I'm pretty sure there are a few parties.

But, I need your help...
I'm either doing the whole Snow White thing.... or the Queen of Hearts... I am leaning more towards the queen of hearts... but what costume do you like better?

OR!....



Have any of you girls bought costumes online before? Because... I think I would be an extra large, but are they slip ons or do they have zippers and shit? All the proportians are right, except my hips... but it's kinda a-lined, so I think I could get away with it, what do you all think?

Alright, gotta get ready for my long week!

Love you all

Wow, I haven't updated in a while...

How is everyone? I haven't been around much lately... Sorry I haven't commented. I promise, I will have to catch up on a lot of you through blogs.

Hmm... what to report....
I got a new jacket! I love it. Friends and Fam keep calling it my members only jacket... but I don't give a fuck what they think.


I joined Weight Watchers. Dang... was I surprised by my weight when I stepped on
But, I'm 1 week down and I lost 5.8 pounds in ONE WEEK!

I've been doing good on the diet... It's not even really a diet, it's a life style. It teaches you the correct way to eat... portion sizes and all. I don't really deprive myself of the things I want, I just eat them in moderation.

I've been on weight watchers before to stabalize my weight after having anorexia and gaining my weight back... well, too much weight. It did the job ... Then I got lazy, I was only a kid.

Now, I am trying my best to make this my new way of life.

So, to remind myself...
Here is a picture before weight watchers:




I hope I don't loose too much of my hips and ass... Last time I was really thin, i was barely a teenager.



I start beauty school next Monday! I'm so excited!!!


I'll be around to comment a bit this week... then it's busy, busy, busy.

bye guys!

Happy Labor Day....weekend!

Drama has been going down... on here and in real life. I'm going to keep it light on here for now on... I'll read everyone else's blogs and get indepth with you guys... but not about me... just the skinny on me... and due to my boyfriend's request, he will no longer be featured in anymore pictures or discussions. It's my fault, I turn something that was supposed to be fun and turned it into a place to harbor my sick and twisted obsession.

I just recently realized the down fall of my character. Some sick and twisted thing I have done since I was in elementry school. I'm going to do my best not to do it anymore, but geting to serious on here sucks me into doing it.

So, that's why everything is going to be kept real lite in my blogs.
Thanks for understanding, in advance


On to the FUN!

This is my best friend, Theresa, and me. We're hot.
We were in a bathroom at this place in Philly... that has naked men, old fashioned, muscle men in key holes on the doors... I thought it was hot.


I'm liking this outfit i paired up... I felt really confident in it.



My good hair day.

How are you all doing? Tell me about your weekends... I mean, if you hadn't already in your journals.

I've been slacking on the whole internet thing since I got back from vacation....
I wanted to take a break from it all.... mostly because I don't want to get really sick of it... you know?

Vacation was.... alright....
Justin and I stayed with....

My....
--bitch ass mom
--utterly annoying dad
--slut sister and her slut friend (they're 15 and badddd....)

Others
--dad's best friend growing up (Paul)
---his nazi ultra conservative extreme wife (Candy)
----Paul's girls from his previous marriage
------Ashton, who's 11 and a little sweet heart
--------Alex, who is Paul's 17 year old daughter who is really really pretty. Like, too pretty.
----------Paul and Candy's kids
-------------Christian, who is a 3 year old ADHD terror. Seriously.
---------------Julia, a cute 2 year old who still sucks a pasifier.

The reason why I listed them is because it's kind of a big story and I want to break it down in a nut shell.
Candy, the ultra conservative extreme, is this southern bell who married Paul about 6 years ago, is evil step mother extreme. She makes BIG deals over things that don't need to be that big of a deal and considers my age the same as her step children. Other than Ashton and Alex, Paul has an 18 year old son named Nick who lived with them in NJ, while Ashton and Alex lived with their mother in South Carolina. Nick has gotten two underages and is trouble. So, Candy takes out her resentment mostly on Alex.

Candy seems really jealous when it comes to Alex. Alex is developed and dresses very fashionably, I wouldn't say slutty at all. Alex would come down in a tube top and Candy would make Paul make her change it because her cleavage was showing.

Candy also has a big "disrepect" thing.... you could open your mouth to breath and she thinks that you are being disrespectful....

So, since Justin and I are 19 and 20 years old, we kinda hung out with the kids and the adults. So we had to hear about all the gripes and moans about eachother from both parties.

My sister and her friend were caught smoking cigarettes on the porch... we had to hear about that over and over.

The adults thought they were drinking.... we were allowed to, but they were trying to accuse them of it.

Candy would go on about how we shouldn't smoke cigarettes and bull shit.

Candy turned my mom into a tyrant while we were down there... Like, everyone in the house walked on egg shells around Candy...

Candy would send Ashton to spy on the girls, and would insist that the girls take Ashton.... which pissed the girls off because they thought that Ashton was just going to rat everything they do out... which wasn't the case.

Candy also had a lot to say about Paul's children, but never mind her own are crazy little bastards that cried at everything.... EVERYTHING! And stomped on people's heads to wake them up. The kids were NEVER satisfied by anyone's entertainment for them. Bastards.

Basically... It was just Beach Bitch Fest 2007...

The reason why I have beef with Candy is because when I was 16, I lived with them for a summer to go to a summer course at FIT in NYC....
My parents never warned me of Candy's political views before going to their house.... So I said I supported gay marriage, and she basically told Alex to stay away from me because I was a lesbian.... told my parents what she thought... It almost ended my parents relationship with them....


Anyways, other than ALL the house drama... Justin and I found it in ourselves to have a good time....
We went to the beach....
Justin built sand castles with the kids...




I worked on this poem that has been haunting my mind for months....

We had dinner at the Lobster house, which is EXPENSIVE! Shhheeeshhh!





We went to the board walk...went on rides with Ashton...






We smoked pot and looked at the stars....
Went crabbing...
and played bullshit (card game) with the girls and chugged back a couple beers... (us, not them.)

That was pretty much vacation...

I'm off to the Jer-Zeee shore.
I'll be back next Thursday...
Don't miss me toooo much,
Ok? haha...

I need a vacation. I'll hit you all back with comments and post pictures when I return.
<3 You all.

Something in me clicked this weekend...
I'm not happy, and I haven't been for a while.

Everytime I hear" the click",
I know that's when I finally have to do something about it.



But...
I truly don't have the energy.



I used to be such a mother fuckin fighter.
Now,
I just feel weak and ashamed.

I don't know exactly how I got this deep,
but I know I'm much to comfortable to move.




I'm finally me...
and the one person I love(d) the most...
doesn't want any parts of it.



I grin and bare it,
and tell myself it's me.
It's always me.
I'm always the problem.

It always comes back to me.
Always.

So, It's already August...
Wow, time goes by quick.

I'll be heading off to cosmetology school at the end of September... Crazy.

I am going to the Jer-zee shore on the 11th-18th... very soon

I have a few things that I really haven't accomplished yet, which makes me feel like I waste time.
-Figure out money for school
-Learn how to roller skate
-Work out more often
-Write more often in my poetry book.

I probably had more, but then I got high

I got my tattoo all finished!
Plus, my next tattoo is free But I won't be getting another one for a very, very, very, lonnng time.
Going back into a tattoo to get more work on it after it's only healed two weeks hurts like hell. Never do it.

Before:


After:



I looove it!

I was laughing about this yesterday with my boy, I seem to have facial expressions that I do over and over again in pictures.

I don't trust the mirror, ever. So, when I think I look nice... I take a few pictures...

Like, when I'm having a good hair day.


I always make that "hey, i'm innocent" face... it kinda pisses me off.


Or bite my lip... how lame.


Or.... pretend I'm marilyn monroe, or a pin up girl.


Or when I can't see what my sunglasses look like because it's too dark in them to look in a mirror, I take a fucking picture.


Some of my closest friends and realitives call me vein. But honestly, I just don't trust mirrors. Everyone always has a different view when they look in the mirror than what other people see you as... and I just find that taking a picture lets me in on what other people see when they see me. That's all.
Not that I care what the other people think, I just want to make sure I look the way I think I do.

Don't know how many times I walked out of the house looking like an idiot before digital camaras!


Music I'm diggin:
-Cold War Kids
-Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs
-The Cranberries
-Handsome Boy Modeling School...

Just some good beats... old and new.

This weekend...
Is coming up so fast! I actually don't have any plans for this weekend.... strange. I know Justin needs some new clothes, we have to go shopping for him. I also know that Bourne Ultimantum comes out and I really want to see that... I could go on my Dad's boat...

Who knows, the possiblities never ever end