It's Hard To Let Go Of The Only Thing You've Ever Wanted To Hold On To. There's Something That Always Draws You Back To It. Even When It's Gone It's Presence Of Once Being There Still Stays. You Become Different When You Lose Something So Close. It May Not Always Be Something That Shows, But Somewhere In You Something Has Changed. You May Want To Run Away Or Just Give Up. I Don't Really Know How To Explain It, But It's How I Feel. Lost, Without A Clue Of What To Do Or Who To Ask For Help. Somewhat Emotionless To Everything, I've Become. I Don't Show My Feelings Cause I Don't Know How To Express Them. I Have All The Words To Express Or Say What I Want, But There's This Feeling I Get. The Feeling Of My Heart Stopping The Second I Try To Form These Feelings Into Words. Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Response I Get. Maybe I'm Not Confident Enough To Say It. Maybe It's Just Not Meant To Be. All Of These Things I Think Aren't Really What Keep Me From Saying What I Want Or Feel. I Keep Myself From It. Why? I Try To Put Others Before Myself, But I Always End Up Leaving Myself Out Of It. I Try To Hard Or Too Little To Where I Mess Up. I Don't Get Why These Things Happen. Why I Feel A Way To Where My Heart Speeds Up Or Gets So Calm From Just A Word Said To Me. I Used To Feel Like I Could Die Happy From What I'd Hear Or Feel. Matter Of Fact... I Don't Know What The Fuck I Want Or Feel. I've Lost The Only Thing That Had Meaning To Me, But Yet I'm Finding The Meaning To So Many Things. I Don't Give A Fuck To Be Honest, But Yet I Spend My Time Doing Shit Like This. I Can't Explain It, All I Know Is It Helps Me Not To Think. I Hate Myself So Much For What I've Done, But At The Same Time I Can't Hate Myself. If I Knew What I Would've Done Or Said To Make Things Wrong I Wouldn't Have Done It. I've Been Running Away For Some Time Now And I Think It's Time To Stop. I'm Stuck In One Spot Because I Can't Make A Decision. Knowing This, I'm Sure The Decision Will Be Made And I'll Hate That I Didn't Do Anything About It. I Really Don't Know Why I Do What I Do. Maybe It's So That I Know What Not To Do And To Help Others From Making My Mistakes. Damn I Make Way To Many Mistakes. It's Life, You Live And You Learn. I Wish I Could Say Things Better Cause Writing Never Really Shows How One Feels If They Can't Understand You Through Writing. I Feel Like I'm Drowning On Land. I Don't Explain Or Say Everything Cause That's Not Me. I'm In Sinking In Water And It's Not Even Above My Knees.