notes in darkness
this blog goes out there in case anyone cares.
if no one cares, it's just a blip on an unwatched radar, a statement of weakness before whatever happens next.
The great quest has failed. the attempt to carve myself a new life, identity, job, a fresh start on a tropical island... this has fallen to nothing.
We returned to richmond with our tails between our legs. I blew 250 on a plane ticket home. another 500 on a laptop (because my friend freaks out whenever someone uses his computer) so i could send out resumes. another 80 on a wireless router.
Now, after all my expenses, i have about 30$ left to my name. No job.
I'm unwelcome in this house, that much is for sure. I'm a squatter in their living room. eating their food and sleeping on the floor.
the welcome will shrivel soon, and the embrace will turn into a choke.
I have but one escape, but that escape means a closure of a good friendship, the final nail in the coffin for some big dreams, and throwing myself on the support of not strangers, but good friends.
I wish many things were different. I made decisions that led to leaving my apartment, giving up my job, losing my girlfriend... all for what?
to lose more friends and opportunities?
when will the cycle of samsara end?
when will i burn through the bad karma, and move on with my life?
how can i be free?
this blog goes out there in case anyone cares.
if no one cares, it's just a blip on an unwatched radar, a statement of weakness before whatever happens next.
The great quest has failed. the attempt to carve myself a new life, identity, job, a fresh start on a tropical island... this has fallen to nothing.
We returned to richmond with our tails between our legs. I blew 250 on a plane ticket home. another 500 on a laptop (because my friend freaks out whenever someone uses his computer) so i could send out resumes. another 80 on a wireless router.
Now, after all my expenses, i have about 30$ left to my name. No job.
I'm unwelcome in this house, that much is for sure. I'm a squatter in their living room. eating their food and sleeping on the floor.
the welcome will shrivel soon, and the embrace will turn into a choke.
I have but one escape, but that escape means a closure of a good friendship, the final nail in the coffin for some big dreams, and throwing myself on the support of not strangers, but good friends.
I wish many things were different. I made decisions that led to leaving my apartment, giving up my job, losing my girlfriend... all for what?
to lose more friends and opportunities?
when will the cycle of samsara end?
when will i burn through the bad karma, and move on with my life?
how can i be free?