into: Carving miniature figurines, giving lap dances to cancer patients at my local hospital and building my convenience store empire.

makes me sad: Taxes. Cops.

5 things i can't live without: 4 dirty water hot dogs fresh from the cart and my baby's lovin'.

vices: Panhandling.

occupation: Solid Gold dancer, Liquor Baron

current crush: Mrs. indigoboy

stats: One calorie.

body mods: Breast implants. Wig. Artificial stomach. Extra liver. Spare ribs. Mmmmm....spare ribs.

gets me hot: My enormous collection of nude Rosemary Clooney photographs.

fantasy: 10 pounds of creme brule', a mop bucket and an able staff of circus sideshow performers.

sign: Taurus/Gemini mutt

most humbling moment: Spilling a drink on Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top in a strip club in Minneapolis.

i lost my virginity: Back in 1927 to a shopkeeper with a soft touch and gentle manner while bent over a 100 pound canvas sack of corn starch.