i'm back... how's that possible??? thank you, my unknown generous friend!!!!

okay peoples!!!! new news... been awhile since i've updated my shit... as nea was so kind to point out... wtf!!! how are you guys???

life's been going on here... i've been working as usual... not a whole lot of change on that front... just can't make up my mind if i want to stay here or not...

i've been cranking out new artwork... got into spraying... stencil work and all that shit...

i cut my hair

i got a new car...

I'm risen... whole again... and these scars will only make me stronger!
I may be hopeless... but I refuse to not believe...
das Leben liegt vor mir... Ich suche...

heya guys!!! my b-day party was insane! mass quantities of stout and potcheen were consumed... by ME!!! i'm not sure what everybody else was drinking... maggie's b-day was monday, but she was really sick and her party didn't fly so well cause of her strep throat... bummer... so we'll have to make up for the loss of fun!!! i think i'm going to be buying some tat equipment here pretty soon, it's something i've always wanted to do, and i'm not one to let my dreams go... want some ink??? big paintball game coming up next month in attica, we'll be playing in an abandoned hotel!!! going to the ohio ren fest in october, can't wait fer the mudd show!!! it's hilarious! and of course football is starting!!! GO BLUE!!! think the wolverines can go all the way this year... and i'm following IU this year too cuz maggie's cousin nick sexton plays for em, gives me a reason to go to the stadium and tailgate!!! and the colts will be playing something other than shitty preseason games... as for ummm football... werder bremen is sucking this year so far, got their asses handed to em by bayern... liverpool, is well like always, just liverpool... strongboy, you gotta give me some pointers on the irish league, i'd love to follow some footies from eire... nuff fer now...

birthday party at our place this saturday!!!! if you luv me, you'll be there!!! LOL!

heya peoples!!! things have gotten much better!! i was getting worried there for awhile... seemed like we were stuck in some kinda shitty phase... just had to break out of it... it suffocates... otherwise... maggie is my bestest friend, and thank the gods because we are so very close it's possible to talk to her even when it seems soooo hard!!!

umm, otherwise... life is good, my wee ones are doing great, carolyne hat ihr abschluss bekommen, gymnasium!!! bin so stolz... patricks birthday is next month, he'll be 8, hope he likes the stuff i've found for him, lots of flugzeuge und hubschrauber... he likes that stuff now...

und was ist mit klose??? der sack hat werder verlassen!!! bisschen boese bin ich schon...

works good, always have the few people who suck, but i just finished revising our count policy for surgery... huge project! and it's in place and working well, and looks very fine in my resume, i must say... maybe this promotion'll take me somewhere after all... meanwhile maggie's struggling with her studies... she's going to school to get her nursing pre-reqs... and right now she's trying to knock out A&P in just 8 weeks... she's not doing bad but the school she's at requires their nursing applicants to have straight A's... bummer... she'll prolly retake it, but that cost more time and money... wish i could be more helpful...

paintball is rolling right along, our team is getting alot of good publicity and exposure and i'm having a good time with these guys... played in attica a few weeks ago... in an abandoned hotel!!! awesome!!! wanted to play more, but i got called into action when some chick fell and broke her arm... they canceled the rest of the games for that day... check out our teams site at www.unit55.org

i went and drove a new jeep yesterday, having a new car would be so nice... but i'm saving money...

cuz... WEDDING!!! finally got a date set... august 9th 2008... um, just so you guys know, i don't really have any actual family of my own cept for my kids, so if anybodies interested in sitting on my side of the gig... LOL!

luv you guys, talk to ya soon...

what am i doing wrong??? ya know, life's been great to me lately, i have all the necessities, food, place to live... i've got a good job, promotion n a raise, my girl is amazing and i love her with every speck of my soul... but somehow all this fucking unhappiness keeps wanting to creep in on me... we got inna argument last week over nothing, and the next thing i know she's packing her stuff!!! she cooled down over the next couple of days, and never did leave and she swears that she loves me more than anything on earth... now i know that compared to her i'm a big piece o shit, and that i don't deserve even someone half as good, but i,m still not that bad of a person and if it's so easy for her to pack up and leave over some small shit, what's she gonna do when it's about something important, and how much can you actually love someone if you can just leave em when you get pissed off? i feel like i haven't done enough to show her what she means to me even though i'm constantly doing something for her... does that make any fucking sense? and she's almost the same way, constantly asking me if i'm okay, calling me, telling me how much she loves me... is it possible to love someone too much??? LOL! i guess the biggest problem right now for me is trying to be less self-fucking-centered... she wants me to be a part of her life and do things with her... my time is very precious to me though and i like to spend it doing things that don't waste it ( meaning i hate plan changes, surprises, and just plain sitting around somewhere when i'd rather be doing something else! LOL! ) but because i care about her i try to accommodate her wishes... problem is, i'm terrible at hiding my distaste for whatever the fuck she's dragged me along for... HOW DO I HIDE IT???? LOL! ya know, we talk about everything... and it's really a simple thing, but it drives me feckin nuts... don't want to fuck up my relationship, but how do you change yerself???

WASSUP PPLS?! okay, sorry i haven't written inna couple o weeks, but i'm a busy dude! hmm, to start with vacation was a blast, and once i get a chance to copy the file i'll share some pics...

Deftones kicked ass! they were absolutely amazing to see live! we left here at about 10 in the morning and got there 5 hours later, waited three hours at the front of the line with some other ppl, some of which i found a bit annoying, got in slammed 2 beers each, listened to the shitty opening act Fall of Troy, and then ( drum roll ) DEFTONES!!!! we stood up front about 4 feet away from the left stack ( very deafening ) at first there was some pushing and elbowing, but i'm not the smallest dude, so it calmed down pretty quick around me... small venue ( city hall in nashville TN ) maybe 500 ppl... amazing show... caught a bottle of water steph threw to me... security assbag cheated me outta 2 picks from steph, grabbed out from under my nose and gave em to 2 chicks!!! damn!!! got home around 5 in the morning...

works been a pain in the ass, i got promoted, but they can't seem to manage to get my raise added to my account... more responsibility, but for some reason they think i can continue to do my old job and the new one at the same time... good to vent, but i hate to get all riled up on my day off...

one o my best friends got married and i was a groomsman... looked real hot in that tux with the mint green vest and tie... lol

gwen broke down again!!!! on the way home from the wedding... about 10 miles north of evansville in the rain, got her pulled over in a gas station, checked under the hood, saw the belt was broken, hicks in the station wouldn't help us, payed 70 bucks for a cab to evansville, o'reilly's stayed open an extra hour for me, got the belt, taxi driver thought i looked like a stoner and was asking like he wanted to buy from me, hilarious, got back to the car, state cop stops while i'm working on getting my tools and stuff, asks what i'm doing, well i thought it was obvious that my car is broke down and i'm trying to fix it!!! duh! no help from him either, get under the car and discover that the tensioner is shredded! nearly start to cry... maggie suggest we just get it towede to b-town, okay, call tow company, 300$, we don't care just get us home, wait 2 hours for truck, drive home with friendly redneck, get to sleep at 5 in the morning again... skip paintball game that was sposed to start at 7.... arggggggggghhhhh!!!!! car's fixed, cost me 160.... i'm shit assed broke!!! thank the gods for credit cards....

summer's here, no more road trips for awhile, paintball, pool, parties, what i'm about!!!

love you guys!

hey ich brauche Loewensenf fuer meine wurstchen!!! LOL!