LOOK!!!! i added some more pictures!

i just added an ass load of pictures.

so went to the dmv paid them more money and now i can drive my volkswagen again. yay. i drove it around the hood for a few laps and it drives ok. its actually really scary. i remember it took a while to get used to that car. but once i did i was so comfortable. i drove it any where. now remembering traffic in early am chico on the freeway, it kinda makes me wonder how i did it before.i guess i was driving that much slower and things all happened in front of me rather than behind me or along side of me. it seriously is a tin can on wheels. ive got a large list to do to it and a few things as i write (i m remembering now that the list has been printed).everything with me is ok. we have a new clean up girl. she thinks im stupid. i dont understand why but i either gonna have her fired or she better do things the same way everytime. my bass and i arent progressing very far. i bought some books while i was in los angeles but have yet to make them worth the money. someday. i get songs in my head and i sit down and figure riffs out here or there. makes me feel alright. i should probably be looking for someone to love about now. but somehow im still not willing. someone take me out.

well i guess i should update, even though no one reads. but im back from LA. that was good the drives were fun. seeing my grandfather was good. having the ipod was good stuff too. i spent the night at the pacific palms. it was a lovely hotel. it needs a bar again. neat views of west covina la puente and baldwin park. it looked huge at night during the day i realized i was only seeing 15 miles. back at work. long days still kinda normal. just trying to stay calm.

i got a bass and all i can play are 6 string songs. granted i know 3 songs.

ive been thinking more and more about counseling. i probably should go. i think i am getting delusional. during the day i have all these happy thoughts about EPM and i still living the life that i thought we could have. by the time i get home i stop, realizing its not reality. the hard part is is the delusion of the happiness is what is getting me through the day.

there are too many people fucking with me being me.

ughh i had a bad dream
im not ok
this is not a good day at all. with the holiday crap going on, my sister and kid moving in, the loss of my lover, the constant reminder that shes using the time off from school to disconnect from me, work and trying to be good at it, the whole ipod excitment/drama; im falling apart. the dream went like this as best as i remember.... me and epm were together here in ca. and we are playfull and talking getting along and i make mention of me wanting her and she kindly slips in; her hands on my arms, but im married and i look at her left hand big fat ring on her finger and i proceed to lose it laying at my work crying in the door way. work is going bad. door lock motor doesnt work now, an alternator bolt broken, a hesitation problem that wont go away and now i think a nut has ended up in the engine again. the bad word there is again it happened once in 2004. its rather depressing of course cuz they all lead back to me.

my journal is lacking some serious comments. oh well i think im done with this place.

well turkey day is over. it was ok. watched football mostly. this weekend is long, but now its like 'hmm i dont want it to end'. i get to go back to a cold damp shop. i cant wait ha. i'll live. the girl i work with thinks im strange cuz i dress the same when its 100 degrees, 70 degrees and 40 degrees. my lil love affair with EPM has taken a nose dive. its deeply saddening to me. i had a grand idea of like starting over with her but it appears that cant be the case. ive got to move on.find me another woman i guess. nothing i hate more looking for a good girl. im not sure exactly what to do with my life right now. so im gonna sit content and idle and maybe some day i'll know what to do with my self.