Hrm... some thoughts about life...
I need to think a bit about life (life in general but especially about my own life) and I usually can do this the bes when I simply write down some thoughts. That's why I now write down some thoughts - don't mind me, you won't have to conitinue reading here, I actually just write this down for myself (and I publish it because I often like to read the craph I have written some weeks ago ).
Sooo let's start the game. I've been working a normal 40hr/week job for the last three years now. The job is fine, work makes fun, sallary is good and my colleagues are absolutely fabulous. Except of 1-2 smaller issues it's more or less my dream job. Everything would be fine. But it isn't. I'm working for 40hrs, I go out partying on weekends and I have some weeks of holiday in the year. And besides these small time frames I have nearly no time for myself, for things I want to do, for things I want to change, for things which matter, for things which do not matter. For whatever the fuck I want. And I have seen a slow but constant movement of my personality in the last few years - I start to care less, I start to be more like 'them', I start to hate 'them' less, I start to get comfortable with an easy life. But I don't want an easy life. I want to be who I am and I want to change things in the world and I want to have time for myself and I want to do whatever the fuck I want to do. But I can't because I'm too exhausted after work and the small timeframes of weekends and holidays are simply not enough to do all that I want to do. I want to have a great time with my friends, I want to be politically active, I want to be a geek and play computer games for several hours, I want to relax and do nothing for several hours, I want to learn new stuff, want to meet new people, live new adventures and explore new things. I want to live a life. I don't want to be a living working zombie for the rest of my life. And I hope I never will be one.
Because of this some months ago I decided that I want to stop working and go studying again for 2 years as soon as I've collected enough money to simply study for two years and stop working and live on the money I have saved the last years. Additionally I wanted to move to Sweden because the universities are really cool and they offer exactly the studies I want to visit and Sweden is simply a great country overall. It would have been a cut in my life where I don't know what comes next - for two years I would be studying and would still have enough time for all the things I want to do. Sounded like a great plan.
However, the last few weeks I began to worry. My friends are the best friends in the world. There is simply no way I would find other people matching these guys somewhere else or that I have such a good time with anyone else as I have hanging out with my friends. Additionally my working colleagues are also starting to get part of this circle of friends and I also like them a lot. Basically what I try to say is that my situation here and now is actually so extremly good that I also don't want to destroy it. I don't know if it would still be that good when I come back from Sweden after two years - all the people are getting older, are getting more tired, are getting less active. I think half of them would not be the kind of people anymore as they are now in two years.
I don't wont to go away and loose my friends and the comfortable life I have right now. I don't want to stay and live the stupid live of an every day person.
Damnit I thought after writing all this stuff my thoughts have cleared an I no what's the right decision. But I still don't know. Seems like I have to write a bit more.
Basically I have three options:
1) continue to live the life as I do right now
2) go to Sweden and study for two years
3) stay here and start studying here for two years
Option 1 is no real option to me. I DO NOT WANT TO GET BRAINDEAD. Option 2 has some drawbacks as mentioned above. Fuck, I really love my friends and my surrounding right now Option 3... it's neither fish nor flesh. I don't know if I would get happy with this option. No. I wouldn't. Option 2 is the only option with which I could possibly get happy. Although it has some risks. But I was never afraid of taking risks so why should I be this time... Sweden it is.
Writing thoughts down to a blog rulez
I need to think a bit about life (life in general but especially about my own life) and I usually can do this the bes when I simply write down some thoughts. That's why I now write down some thoughts - don't mind me, you won't have to conitinue reading here, I actually just write this down for myself (and I publish it because I often like to read the craph I have written some weeks ago ).
Sooo let's start the game. I've been working a normal 40hr/week job for the last three years now. The job is fine, work makes fun, sallary is good and my colleagues are absolutely fabulous. Except of 1-2 smaller issues it's more or less my dream job. Everything would be fine. But it isn't. I'm working for 40hrs, I go out partying on weekends and I have some weeks of holiday in the year. And besides these small time frames I have nearly no time for myself, for things I want to do, for things I want to change, for things which matter, for things which do not matter. For whatever the fuck I want. And I have seen a slow but constant movement of my personality in the last few years - I start to care less, I start to be more like 'them', I start to hate 'them' less, I start to get comfortable with an easy life. But I don't want an easy life. I want to be who I am and I want to change things in the world and I want to have time for myself and I want to do whatever the fuck I want to do. But I can't because I'm too exhausted after work and the small timeframes of weekends and holidays are simply not enough to do all that I want to do. I want to have a great time with my friends, I want to be politically active, I want to be a geek and play computer games for several hours, I want to relax and do nothing for several hours, I want to learn new stuff, want to meet new people, live new adventures and explore new things. I want to live a life. I don't want to be a living working zombie for the rest of my life. And I hope I never will be one.
Because of this some months ago I decided that I want to stop working and go studying again for 2 years as soon as I've collected enough money to simply study for two years and stop working and live on the money I have saved the last years. Additionally I wanted to move to Sweden because the universities are really cool and they offer exactly the studies I want to visit and Sweden is simply a great country overall. It would have been a cut in my life where I don't know what comes next - for two years I would be studying and would still have enough time for all the things I want to do. Sounded like a great plan.
However, the last few weeks I began to worry. My friends are the best friends in the world. There is simply no way I would find other people matching these guys somewhere else or that I have such a good time with anyone else as I have hanging out with my friends. Additionally my working colleagues are also starting to get part of this circle of friends and I also like them a lot. Basically what I try to say is that my situation here and now is actually so extremly good that I also don't want to destroy it. I don't know if it would still be that good when I come back from Sweden after two years - all the people are getting older, are getting more tired, are getting less active. I think half of them would not be the kind of people anymore as they are now in two years.
I don't wont to go away and loose my friends and the comfortable life I have right now. I don't want to stay and live the stupid live of an every day person.
Damnit I thought after writing all this stuff my thoughts have cleared an I no what's the right decision. But I still don't know. Seems like I have to write a bit more.
Basically I have three options:
1) continue to live the life as I do right now
2) go to Sweden and study for two years
3) stay here and start studying here for two years
Option 1 is no real option to me. I DO NOT WANT TO GET BRAINDEAD. Option 2 has some drawbacks as mentioned above. Fuck, I really love my friends and my surrounding right now Option 3... it's neither fish nor flesh. I don't know if I would get happy with this option. No. I wouldn't. Option 2 is the only option with which I could possibly get happy. Although it has some risks. But I was never afraid of taking risks so why should I be this time... Sweden it is.
Writing thoughts down to a blog rulez