Member: hkwench

hkwench ftw

I’m private
 
SEPTEMBER 19, 2007 @ 07:49 AM

So, I haven't really been as active on here as I once was...life's been handing me all sorts of hurdles that I keep collapsing on, and I'm having a lot of trouble holding my head up high. I don't want to go into huge deatails of my life in a blog, so I'll just say a few things. And spoiler them for those of you who don't want to hear me moan.

.extreme rant found in spoiler.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

When I was growing up in Hong Kong, around my 14th birthday I was diagnosed with alopecia. Which is a condition which causes your hair to fall out (on you head, eyebrows, eyelashes, body hair) in times of extreme stress and anxiety. It was fucking traumatic, and something no one should have to endure. It took me just over two years to grow all my hair back.

Now...6 years later after my hair is falling out again, and it seems as though my alopecia has returned. It's hard to feel pretty when you have huge gaping bald spots scattered throughout your hair, and the only way to make it stop is for me to stop feeling anxious. Well fuck. How the hell am I supposed to feel calm when my hair is fucking falling out from the roots of my head?

I know that this is a purely aesthetic thing. But I just can't believe it's happening all over again. I would go on with the other things in my life which are probably the cause of my hair loss...But its all a bit too intimate for me to be sharing on an online blog.



...anyway. I'm dealing. And I'm sorry to rant about it on my blog. But it seems to me, that my friends don't really know waht to say to me. And everyone just stares at their shoes when I tell them about the condition and show them where its affecting me. I don't really need words to feel better though. I just want to be listened to....

I've started my new year of uni (which is so far so good...it's really nice to have something to do with my time, and the opprotunity to be creative with myself. I've been feeling so uninspiried, and every piece I try to work on I give up on halfway through..LE SIGH.

However. That's not to say I'm completely and utterly unhappy and sulking. I'm just going through a difficult period. I'm looking forward to this Friday as my mother who I haven't seen for what seems like ages is stopping through London, and going to come party with me. (She's a cool mom) So, w00t! I have many things to celebrate. And I'm gonna do just that, regardless of my stupid hair condition and the people in my life who have helped bring my anxiety and stress levels to the peak they are at presently.

Anyway. Enough of this.
Happier blog by the end of the week. I promise. This was just for me to unload on.



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Comments
Azadeth

Azadeth

Fairport, NY
August 2006

SEP 19, 2007 08:47 AM

Yeah, it really sucks to have something that, especially when you're young. Friends sometimes don't know how to deal with it because they don't know what it's like.

I have a chronic condition too frown I feel yer pain!

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HOPEFUL

United Kingdom

SEP 19, 2007 10:11 AM

wow you where at british sea power? I was right at the front too! arggggh we sooo need to meet up some time for drinks or lunch or something!
xxx

FoxyDaisy

FoxyDaisy

HOPEFUL

Providence, RI

SEP 19, 2007 11:15 AM

One of my best friends has alopecia, and had me shave her head some time back. It looks awesome, and she rocks it out. I'm so proud of her that she doesn't let something like that rule her life or make her feel less beautiful. <3

(And I hope that you don't, either. You're very beautiful and that has nothing to do with the amount of hair on your head.)

Toxic

Toxic

SUICIDEGIRL

Oregon, USA

SEP 19, 2007 02:32 PM

you are just too gorgeous hun and I absoultley adore you!

SoCal_Drew

SoCal_Drew

San Diego, CA
August 2006

SEP 20, 2007 01:10 AM

I just happy to see you back on here and lots a big hugz for you cutie kiss kiss kiss kiss

Leandra

Leandra

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

SEP 20, 2007 09:20 AM

I'm sorry some things are so rough with you right now... that's horrible frown I hope you feel better soon and things start to look up for you soon, maybe I need to go over there with you and take the piss out of the chavs, or you can come here and shoot with someone like... Taye so you go pink? wink Weeee!!!!

And do answer your question... do I always pull such cute expressions whilst peeing... what do you think? haha..

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LadyLucifer

LadyLucifer

Ottawa, ON
May 2006

SEP 20, 2007 02:01 PM

steph! woman are you okay? let me know if you need anything.

p.s. my friend cory thinks you're hot.
p.s.s. he doesnt know you're gay.

Valkyrie

Valkyrie

Australia
March 2007

SEP 20, 2007 07:34 PM

Thanks so much for that long comment you left on my blog. smile I really appreciate your interest, and thanks for the shopped picture you attached too! I agree about everything you said, it's just so damn hard to find somewhere to shoot! But I sure won't give up. wink The idea of plants and a poster is really good, I might try that if I can't find anywhere outdoors! Thanks! love I wish I was that creative. biggrin
Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your condition with your hair. frown I can't believe how strong you are though, and how the hell you are coping with it. I guess in one way it might "help" that you've been through it once before, but on the other hand, it might be worse because you know what might be in store. But yeah, I just have to say how much I admire you for the way you're handling it; you're a trooper for sure. kiss kiss kiss Don't hesitate to put some of your stress and worries onto others to make yourself feel calmer! I'm sure you already know this, but people are understanding.

mixmastermick

mixmastermick

Japan
February 2006

SEP 21, 2007 06:58 AM

I'm glad I could listen. That's a shit deal to have to cope with. Of course it would make you more stressful! It sounds like you're dealing with it well by acknowledging it boldly though. Stay strong.

james13

james13

Dallas, TX
August 2005

SEP 21, 2007 08:25 PM

You have such piercing eyes. Don't worry about ranting in your blog, this is after all a place for you to say whatever you want, never be sorry for expressing your thoughts, and worries. Good luck with all the stress relief.

Lilandra

Lilandra

HOPEFUL

United Kingdom

SEP 22, 2007 02:25 PM

Hey, i just want to say that after reading your blog i am in awe of hw strong you are, imsorry about your hair, but your beautiful and i hope you feel better soon.

Love lilandra! love

RozDoss

RozDoss

I'm lost
September 2006

SEP 23, 2007 03:00 AM

hey, hun,
I hope you're feeling alright and will feel great soon!
did you get my message?
I need to book my ticket asap if I want to get a cheap price....
let me know!!

kiss kiss

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HOPEFUL

United Kingdom

OCT 01, 2007 10:51 AM

yup I was also at MM was stood near the back on the platform bit so I could see... I will be in london on the 17th for my tattoo will you be about then?
xxx

RozDoss

RozDoss

I'm lost
September 2006

OCT 12, 2007 10:56 AM

we will meet soon, don't worry about it!
London is only 1h40 away from Lille!
You can come over here anytime... I'll be going back to London for sure, but I don't know when as I am officially broke for now smile

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