While talking on CNN about Tiger Woods and Mark Sanford this week.. this is the song that was running through my head
It was hard not to break into it while other people were talking
ps. WHo wants to go to Steel Panther monday?
It was hard not to break into it while other people were talking
ps. WHo wants to go to Steel Panther monday?
Welcome to Youtubesteak Tuesday!
It's stupid Happy Goofy Bullshit Slappy Dorky Video time..
If you think I missed any PLEASE add them in the comments
Swedish Music Video FTW!
I hope you like pain!
WHAT!?!
This Baby has the right attitude!
I know I'm too literal sometimes..
Squirrel Vs. Snake!
Capt. Kirk Vs. Snake man
Personally.... I think the squirrel was better...
There are more... but that's for next week
It's stupid Happy Goofy Bullshit Slappy Dorky Video time..
If you think I missed any PLEASE add them in the comments
Swedish Music Video FTW!
I hope you like pain!
WHAT!?!
This Baby has the right attitude!
I know I'm too literal sometimes..
Squirrel Vs. Snake!
Capt. Kirk Vs. Snake man
Personally.... I think the squirrel was better...
There are more... but that's for next week
I'm Hosting the Mercy For Animals Benefit tonight in NYC.
If you're going I'll see ya there!
And then I'm back to LA tomorrow for a week then back to NYC the Jan 31-feb 3 - then home for 4 days and then off to Taiwan!
Phew! sometimes just looking at my calendar makes me dizzy.
I just got back from Dubai... where I went to the tallest building in the world and bought something at the tallest gift shop in the world and then left through the tallest elevator and went to the biggest mall (Which hangs like a giant nutsack at the base of the tower and no one noticed till I brought it up..odd)
All aimless consumerism aside, can we all agree that the idea of A Biggest Mall.. actually doesn't help. The point of a mall in the tradition of market places is to locally confine venders to a place that is convenient. If a "Mall" covers 5 city blocks...it's not a mall... it's a shopping District with a Cover on it! But why am I bringing it up... this place would have never been built if people thought things like that through...
It's amazing how reasonable Taiwan, with it's magnetic drive bullet train, Night markets and "Electronic" cities seems reasonable and almost lowtech after being in Dubai... a single city with the 4th highest Carbon footprint in the world (After The US, China and India) that refers to itself as "Green"...
We may be full of shit in the US a good deal of the time but it's nice to know we're not alone... and in some cases not even close to the top
If you're going I'll see ya there!
And then I'm back to LA tomorrow for a week then back to NYC the Jan 31-feb 3 - then home for 4 days and then off to Taiwan!
Phew! sometimes just looking at my calendar makes me dizzy.
I just got back from Dubai... where I went to the tallest building in the world and bought something at the tallest gift shop in the world and then left through the tallest elevator and went to the biggest mall (Which hangs like a giant nutsack at the base of the tower and no one noticed till I brought it up..odd)
All aimless consumerism aside, can we all agree that the idea of A Biggest Mall.. actually doesn't help. The point of a mall in the tradition of market places is to locally confine venders to a place that is convenient. If a "Mall" covers 5 city blocks...it's not a mall... it's a shopping District with a Cover on it! But why am I bringing it up... this place would have never been built if people thought things like that through...
It's amazing how reasonable Taiwan, with it's magnetic drive bullet train, Night markets and "Electronic" cities seems reasonable and almost lowtech after being in Dubai... a single city with the 4th highest Carbon footprint in the world (After The US, China and India) that refers to itself as "Green"...
We may be full of shit in the US a good deal of the time but it's nice to know we're not alone... and in some cases not even close to the top
My Debut Stand Up Special for Comedy Central is finally a go!
The Show is called "Charmageddon"
Tickets are free for my SG friends Are Available by clicking HERE
Use the Promo code ZEROONE
(Which is a unique reference to my band -My Band)
See ya there!
If ya can't make it, Here's a list of Local LA sets I'll be doing to work out for the show
Wednesday, November 4
Comedy & Magic Club
8:00pm
20 Minute Guest Set
Thursday, November 5
Ice House
8:00pm
60 Minute Headlining Set
Friday, November 6
Hollywood Improv
8:00pm
15 Minute Set
Tuesday, November 10
Comedy & Magic Club
8:00pm
10 Minute Guest Set
Wednesday, November 11
Comedy & Magic Club
8:00pm
10 Minute Guest Set
The Show is called "Charmageddon"
Tickets are free for my SG friends Are Available by clicking HERE
Use the Promo code ZEROONE
(Which is a unique reference to my band -My Band)
See ya there!
If ya can't make it, Here's a list of Local LA sets I'll be doing to work out for the show
Wednesday, November 4
Comedy & Magic Club
8:00pm
20 Minute Guest Set
Thursday, November 5
Ice House
8:00pm
60 Minute Headlining Set
Friday, November 6
Hollywood Improv
8:00pm
15 Minute Set
Tuesday, November 10
Comedy & Magic Club
8:00pm
10 Minute Guest Set
Wednesday, November 11
Comedy & Magic Club
8:00pm
10 Minute Guest Set
New Funny or Die Video up
It's my response to all the rubber heads who think telling kids to study is a socialist attack
Rubberheads
It's my response to all the rubber heads who think telling kids to study is a socialist attack
Rubberheads
Phew! What a week!
And next week I'm on the radio 6-9AM PST so I get to get up at 4:15.. Good times
I'm filling in on The Stephanie Miller Show while they're away on vacation.
If the show airs near you or anywhere you're travelin' thru.. feel free to listen of even call in!
I also get the honor of babysitting aspen's dog Barbara Walters while she's in NYC.
Which is fun when the neighbors hear me saying in a rather loud voice.. "Barbara Walters is a Good girl! Good Girl, Barbara Walters! Good Girl! You get a treat for not Peeing on the rug again!"
And next week I'm on the radio 6-9AM PST so I get to get up at 4:15.. Good times
I'm filling in on The Stephanie Miller Show while they're away on vacation.
If the show airs near you or anywhere you're travelin' thru.. feel free to listen of even call in!
I also get the honor of babysitting aspen's dog Barbara Walters while she's in NYC.
Which is fun when the neighbors hear me saying in a rather loud voice.. "Barbara Walters is a Good girl! Good Girl, Barbara Walters! Good Girl! You get a treat for not Peeing on the rug again!"
Working on Some new sketches for Funnyordie.com and they are shaping up to be great fun.
One of them is about misspelled tattoos done at a Shop called "Type-O tattooes"
Need LA based SGs and friends who might wanna be in the sketch. anybody wanna?
Here's the last one I did with James and Zoley and my Good Friend Chris Bonno. Cameras, lights and the wonderful location were provided by the lovely Amina
Sparks of Love
Lemme know. I need guys and girls. I'm pretty sure I have the shop nailed down.
One of them is about misspelled tattoos done at a Shop called "Type-O tattooes"
Need LA based SGs and friends who might wanna be in the sketch. anybody wanna?
Here's the last one I did with James and Zoley and my Good Friend Chris Bonno. Cameras, lights and the wonderful location were provided by the lovely Amina
Sparks of Love
Lemme know. I need guys and girls. I'm pretty sure I have the shop nailed down.
My new favorite thing of all time..
this is a musical remix of Christian Bale cussing out a Lighting Director who continually walks into the scene while he's working...
For the record as an actor I am far more sympathetic to what Bale is saying than you might think
this is a musical remix of Christian Bale cussing out a Lighting Director who continually walks into the scene while he's working...
For the record as an actor I am far more sympathetic to what Bale is saying than you might think
Today Barack Obama became President and between swearing in and signing the necessary paper work... he found time to FREEZE all of Bush's current regulations (or removal of regulations) until they can be reviewed.
Tomorrow I bet he'll close Guantanamo bay.
_______
Did everyone hear the booing when Bush was introduced?... and "Nah nah nah nah hey hey hey Goodbye" practically every time his name was mentioned? Phew.
It just goes to show that America was ready for a black president but apparently we need the dumbest white one ever to remind us of that fact.
_______
He also Signed a proclamation... yeah a presidential proclamation... like Lincoln or Grant or Jackson would..
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION
As I take the sacred oath of the highest office in the land, I am humbled by the responsibility placed upon my shoulders, renewed by the courage and decency of the American people, and fortified by my faith in an awesome God.
We are in the midst of a season of trial. Our Nation is being tested, and our people know great uncertainty. Yet the story of America is one of renewal in the face of adversity, reconciliation in a time of discord, and we know that there is a purpose for everything under heaven.
On this Inauguration Day, we are reminded that we are heirs to over two centuries of American democracy, and that this legacy is not simply a birthright -- it is a glorious burden. Now it falls to us to come together as a people to carry it forward once more.
So in the words of President Abraham Lincoln, let us remember that: "The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim January 20, 2009, a National Day of Renewal and Reconciliation, and call upon all of our citizens to serve one another and the common purpose of remaking this Nation for our new century.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twentieth day of January, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.
__________
It's a nice way of saying "Boy did Ex-POTUS Bush Fuck things up royally! And We're gonna need to pretty much start from scratch. and we're gonna need everyone to fire on all cylinders or we're gonna be a Gangster State like the former USSR in about 9 months."
______
We're lucky he won. can you imagine the McCain/Palin in inauguration?
The Proclamation would have been Permanent war and open season on Polar bears!
We dodged a bullet
Tomorrow I bet he'll close Guantanamo bay.
_______
Did everyone hear the booing when Bush was introduced?... and "Nah nah nah nah hey hey hey Goodbye" practically every time his name was mentioned? Phew.
It just goes to show that America was ready for a black president but apparently we need the dumbest white one ever to remind us of that fact.
_______
He also Signed a proclamation... yeah a presidential proclamation... like Lincoln or Grant or Jackson would..
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION
As I take the sacred oath of the highest office in the land, I am humbled by the responsibility placed upon my shoulders, renewed by the courage and decency of the American people, and fortified by my faith in an awesome God.
We are in the midst of a season of trial. Our Nation is being tested, and our people know great uncertainty. Yet the story of America is one of renewal in the face of adversity, reconciliation in a time of discord, and we know that there is a purpose for everything under heaven.
On this Inauguration Day, we are reminded that we are heirs to over two centuries of American democracy, and that this legacy is not simply a birthright -- it is a glorious burden. Now it falls to us to come together as a people to carry it forward once more.
So in the words of President Abraham Lincoln, let us remember that: "The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim January 20, 2009, a National Day of Renewal and Reconciliation, and call upon all of our citizens to serve one another and the common purpose of remaking this Nation for our new century.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twentieth day of January, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.
__________
It's a nice way of saying "Boy did Ex-POTUS Bush Fuck things up royally! And We're gonna need to pretty much start from scratch. and we're gonna need everyone to fire on all cylinders or we're gonna be a Gangster State like the former USSR in about 9 months."
______
We're lucky he won. can you imagine the McCain/Palin in inauguration?
The Proclamation would have been Permanent war and open season on Polar bears!
We dodged a bullet
I've been bothered lately by the concept of guilty pleasures.
Why should something that I find pleasurable make me feel guilty?
Seriously who am I answering to when I like something?
It's like a Demon that should have died in High School but escaped and is now roaming the countryside.
Like we all have a tiny Kathy Griffin, Ant or some other jag-off member of the cool police on our shoulder where the Angels and Devils of conscience should be. This thirst for judgement at the hands of people that quite frankly are as boring as perma-church and as bitter as a aspirin sandwich just boggles my mind.
And the amazing point is that they actually believe that their opinion about my likes and dislikes have any merit at all! Which is psychotic especially when you're dealing with art of any sort. Music, Comedy, graphic arts, movies, comic books all of these are highly personal and none of their business.
I really love doing the VH1 shows and I had a blast doing "Dude, Where's My Car?" and I have no illusions that these projects are for the sole purpose of making people feel better. Yet, there is this silly undercurrent of shame that some people assume I should have for doing them. It's minor but it's consistent. And it has Nothing to do with me. It is all about their worry that some else, who doesn't actually exist, would lift an eyebrow at them if they found out they liked it.
It's bizarre.
And the funny things is the majority of people who believe that you should feel ashamed about liking your favorite things also value a "fuck you if you don't know what's good" " My way or the highway" attitude.
If they say "You listen to that?" and you say "Yeah, and who asked you?" they wilt like a flower the devil just breathed on.
so maybe the "guilty pleasure" reflex is more a test of fortitude than culture.
Either way, I like what I like for my own reasons and I don't need permission. ever.
Especially from people with that kind of time on their hands.
Why should something that I find pleasurable make me feel guilty?
Seriously who am I answering to when I like something?
It's like a Demon that should have died in High School but escaped and is now roaming the countryside.
Like we all have a tiny Kathy Griffin, Ant or some other jag-off member of the cool police on our shoulder where the Angels and Devils of conscience should be. This thirst for judgement at the hands of people that quite frankly are as boring as perma-church and as bitter as a aspirin sandwich just boggles my mind.
And the amazing point is that they actually believe that their opinion about my likes and dislikes have any merit at all! Which is psychotic especially when you're dealing with art of any sort. Music, Comedy, graphic arts, movies, comic books all of these are highly personal and none of their business.
I really love doing the VH1 shows and I had a blast doing "Dude, Where's My Car?" and I have no illusions that these projects are for the sole purpose of making people feel better. Yet, there is this silly undercurrent of shame that some people assume I should have for doing them. It's minor but it's consistent. And it has Nothing to do with me. It is all about their worry that some else, who doesn't actually exist, would lift an eyebrow at them if they found out they liked it.
It's bizarre.
And the funny things is the majority of people who believe that you should feel ashamed about liking your favorite things also value a "fuck you if you don't know what's good" " My way or the highway" attitude.
If they say "You listen to that?" and you say "Yeah, and who asked you?" they wilt like a flower the devil just breathed on.
so maybe the "guilty pleasure" reflex is more a test of fortitude than culture.
Either way, I like what I like for my own reasons and I don't need permission. ever.
Especially from people with that kind of time on their hands.
