IPOD
RADIO
i can't think of any situation in the past where i've met someone that has committed a murder before.
i'm scrolling back in my mind, and nobody comes to mind, no matter how hard i try. i have met people who have been in prison, i've met rapists, i've met people that committed horrible acts on women and children, but i've never met anyone who killed another person, until now.
my neighbor, Dominic.... the one that scares me.
Chris and i were on my porch last night talking when he drove in from work. he looked at us and said "long time no see!" and didn't even LOOK at Chris. Dominic goes "Gwen, come here and smell this in my apartment, it smells strange" and i'm like.... ?!?! so i look at Chris, and with him following right behind me, i just walk over there....to smell his damn apartment.....
anyway, i asked if he'd changed the filters like i told him last time when he asked me to come over to smell is dank ass apartment.
anyway,
i asked about the masai mara, i asked if he'd ever been there, and the conversation suddenly turns from that to his role in the motherfucking apartheid, and looking us right in the eyes, with absolutely no expression he says
"i shot blacks, i cut their heads off, they are animals".
he actually said that.
and he didn't stop there............
i'm usually the type of person that just doesn't take shit from anyone. i hate putting up with things that i don't have to. i hate injustices. i know sometimes i mentally simplify it to the point where i wonder why there are any injustices at all, which, i know is foolish, but it seems to be that when i have a problem i tend to want and tend to get it fixed immediately..
i could tell his nazi conversation was winding down and chris and i were both uncomfortable..... if you're asking yourself why i never said "you stupid racist fuck, i'm going to skewer you like the pig you are" or something like that (sorry vegans everywhere), it's because i don't want to give him any fucking information about me... i don't want him to know my opinion on anything. i don't want him to know anything, because he's weird and perverted and i have no idea what he'll do with that information. so..... when he made a comment about Naomi Tutu (Desmond Tutu's daughter) living in Nashville (where I go to school) and he said something like "what is she doing here? why doesn't so go back to Africa where she belongs?" and i said "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?", i just tried to stay out of a mindless argument with someone not smart enough to realize that he's got severe mental problems as per the difference between right and wrong.....
so.
i let him keep talking, i didn't stop him. i guess i was much more defensive and pushy than Chris...
I decided to confront him about the closet thing. (reference as follows)--i have a supply closet outside my apartment bedroom. my bed is pushed up against the wall, and the walls are paper thin between my room and that closet, and since the only furniture i really have is my bed and a few folding chairs, i'm usually sitting on my bed to do homework and talk on the phone and type this blog, etc. it takes very little effort to hear when i'm on the phone, and it seems like every single time i am, i hear him in there. the weird thing-- there's nothing in that room. he has no things stored in there. i started noticing the door open. then the night chris was here, he kept going in and out of it. i can't really describe it because nobody seems to understand when i do try. what it feels like is some kind of emotional and mental terrorism... he does these things to get my attention, to get me to go over there, and then what? dun dun dun. so i don't go over there. even when he makes all this noise, and he does it so much now. the other night when he was going in and out of the closet it was like 11pm, and i was trying to study for a test, and i just felt like he was harassing me. there's no reason for him to be in that fucking closet other than to terrorize me. it's not my perception, it's his actions. it's solely his actions.
anyway.......
so i confronted him, and his attitude instantly changed from chopping off the heads of black people to chopping off my head. he starts LAUGHING, and then he turns and looks and Chris and says "Chris, let me tell you a funny story about Gwen. when she first moved in here, she left a note under my door asking if i was smoking pot and to please stop. she's so silly" and went on to try and say that i was just a crazy WOMAN, and oh, Chris! identify with me! she's so full of shit, isn't she!? why would i possibly be in the supply closet? i think that's absurd. so... i said "well i'm an adult, and so are you, so i thought i'd just be the bigger person and ask you about it, no harm done. " and then i added a nice little "thanks for being honest with me", as he slammed the door in our faces.
who do i talk to about living in fear of being raped by a war criminal?
part of me is like.... oh, well, he's a fucking douchebag, but he still has rights. know what? he doesn't really have rights, he's an immigrant, and my rights in the eyes of the government actually come before his...... (wish that was a joke). so half of me is all like oh! i don't want to stir shit up! and the other half, the bigger half, is like FUCK THIS, I'M A MOTHERFUCKING AMERICAN! HIS ASS IS GRASS! so..... i emailed Naomi Tutu.
She came and spoke at our school last year about Apartheid, so, if she writes me back, maybe she could give me some advice. I know I need to get out of here. that's part of the problem.
i feel guilty putting anybody else in this complex, putting anybody else in this situation where it could be dangerous for them.... the only person i've found that was looking for an apartment was black. i just don't feel comfortable selling this hell off to someone who could be hurt by him for absolutely no real reason other than his race.
i'm not sure what to do. i'm not sure what the police would even do if i went to them, it seems kind of silly, doesn't it.
i guess i think it's kinda funny that nobody really understood it until they meet him. Chris was like "i know you said he was in the south african army, but....." now he gets it. now Chris is staying over just so i can sleep and feel safe. it's absurd. i like sleeping alone. i want my fucking life back.
done taking bullshit, this has got to change. if anybody could make their way through that blog and it's incoherent mess, let me know if you've got any ideas. i'd appreciate all the input i can get.
i'm scrolling back in my mind, and nobody comes to mind, no matter how hard i try. i have met people who have been in prison, i've met rapists, i've met people that committed horrible acts on women and children, but i've never met anyone who killed another person, until now.
my neighbor, Dominic.... the one that scares me.
Chris and i were on my porch last night talking when he drove in from work. he looked at us and said "long time no see!" and didn't even LOOK at Chris. Dominic goes "Gwen, come here and smell this in my apartment, it smells strange" and i'm like.... ?!?! so i look at Chris, and with him following right behind me, i just walk over there....to smell his damn apartment.....
anyway, i asked if he'd changed the filters like i told him last time when he asked me to come over to smell is dank ass apartment.
anyway,
i asked about the masai mara, i asked if he'd ever been there, and the conversation suddenly turns from that to his role in the motherfucking apartheid, and looking us right in the eyes, with absolutely no expression he says
"i shot blacks, i cut their heads off, they are animals".
he actually said that.
and he didn't stop there............
i'm usually the type of person that just doesn't take shit from anyone. i hate putting up with things that i don't have to. i hate injustices. i know sometimes i mentally simplify it to the point where i wonder why there are any injustices at all, which, i know is foolish, but it seems to be that when i have a problem i tend to want and tend to get it fixed immediately..
i could tell his nazi conversation was winding down and chris and i were both uncomfortable..... if you're asking yourself why i never said "you stupid racist fuck, i'm going to skewer you like the pig you are" or something like that (sorry vegans everywhere), it's because i don't want to give him any fucking information about me... i don't want him to know my opinion on anything. i don't want him to know anything, because he's weird and perverted and i have no idea what he'll do with that information. so..... when he made a comment about Naomi Tutu (Desmond Tutu's daughter) living in Nashville (where I go to school) and he said something like "what is she doing here? why doesn't so go back to Africa where she belongs?" and i said "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?", i just tried to stay out of a mindless argument with someone not smart enough to realize that he's got severe mental problems as per the difference between right and wrong.....
so.
i let him keep talking, i didn't stop him. i guess i was much more defensive and pushy than Chris...
I decided to confront him about the closet thing. (reference as follows)--i have a supply closet outside my apartment bedroom. my bed is pushed up against the wall, and the walls are paper thin between my room and that closet, and since the only furniture i really have is my bed and a few folding chairs, i'm usually sitting on my bed to do homework and talk on the phone and type this blog, etc. it takes very little effort to hear when i'm on the phone, and it seems like every single time i am, i hear him in there. the weird thing-- there's nothing in that room. he has no things stored in there. i started noticing the door open. then the night chris was here, he kept going in and out of it. i can't really describe it because nobody seems to understand when i do try. what it feels like is some kind of emotional and mental terrorism... he does these things to get my attention, to get me to go over there, and then what? dun dun dun. so i don't go over there. even when he makes all this noise, and he does it so much now. the other night when he was going in and out of the closet it was like 11pm, and i was trying to study for a test, and i just felt like he was harassing me. there's no reason for him to be in that fucking closet other than to terrorize me. it's not my perception, it's his actions. it's solely his actions.
anyway.......
so i confronted him, and his attitude instantly changed from chopping off the heads of black people to chopping off my head. he starts LAUGHING, and then he turns and looks and Chris and says "Chris, let me tell you a funny story about Gwen. when she first moved in here, she left a note under my door asking if i was smoking pot and to please stop. she's so silly" and went on to try and say that i was just a crazy WOMAN, and oh, Chris! identify with me! she's so full of shit, isn't she!? why would i possibly be in the supply closet? i think that's absurd. so... i said "well i'm an adult, and so are you, so i thought i'd just be the bigger person and ask you about it, no harm done. " and then i added a nice little "thanks for being honest with me", as he slammed the door in our faces.
who do i talk to about living in fear of being raped by a war criminal?
part of me is like.... oh, well, he's a fucking douchebag, but he still has rights. know what? he doesn't really have rights, he's an immigrant, and my rights in the eyes of the government actually come before his...... (wish that was a joke). so half of me is all like oh! i don't want to stir shit up! and the other half, the bigger half, is like FUCK THIS, I'M A MOTHERFUCKING AMERICAN! HIS ASS IS GRASS! so..... i emailed Naomi Tutu.
She came and spoke at our school last year about Apartheid, so, if she writes me back, maybe she could give me some advice. I know I need to get out of here. that's part of the problem.
i feel guilty putting anybody else in this complex, putting anybody else in this situation where it could be dangerous for them.... the only person i've found that was looking for an apartment was black. i just don't feel comfortable selling this hell off to someone who could be hurt by him for absolutely no real reason other than his race.
i'm not sure what to do. i'm not sure what the police would even do if i went to them, it seems kind of silly, doesn't it.
i guess i think it's kinda funny that nobody really understood it until they meet him. Chris was like "i know you said he was in the south african army, but....." now he gets it. now Chris is staying over just so i can sleep and feel safe. it's absurd. i like sleeping alone. i want my fucking life back.
done taking bullshit, this has got to change. if anybody could make their way through that blog and it's incoherent mess, let me know if you've got any ideas. i'd appreciate all the input i can get.
