I hate to say it, but my best friend has his head squarely up his ass, and I've hesitated to post this up because I'm embarrassed for him and not too keen on airing our dirty laundry here...

I called him about six weeks ago and he hadn't even filed a police report, plus he went to the guy who sold him the bike and asked him if the cuts were there when he bought it, which is just stupid because I would have seen the cuts when I was rebuilding his engine. I would have cut my hand on that piece of swarf sticking out of the cut on the right side. I told him that I had dated photographic evidence that the cuts weren't there when he got it, and he said, "really?" like he didn't believe me. He's not very tech-savvy and doesn't understand things like EXIF data in digital images.

He got kinda shitty with me, too, yelling "I'm not going to let this mess with my peace of mind!"

I said, "Why are you yelling at me?? I'm the guy who's going to fix your motorcycle!"

"Nah, I think I'm just going to take it to the Honda dealership and let them do it."

"Do you have any idea how much that would cost?! I'm offering to do it for free! Those guys charge like $80/hr! They'll tell you to throw that bike away and buy a new one!"

It was about that time that he hung up on me.

I'd been planning to rebuild my bike in his garage because it's got a concrete floor and it's out of the wind, so I don't have to worry about dust getting into shit, so about half of my bike was in his garage.

I gave him a couple weeks to calm down, then started calling him. He finally returned my call about a week later and told me that I could work on my bike in his garage, but that I needed to call ahead because he'd put a lock on the door (he didn't offer to give me a key). I went over and collected up everything but the two bottom ends because I couldn't fit them into the car with everything else. His bike wasn't there, but I wasn't about to ask him about it, seeing as how it's such a sore subject with him. He finally spoke up and said that he'd taken it to his brother's machine shop, that his brother has an employee who "builds motorcycles" who was going to weld up the frame for free. (I didn't remind him that I'd offered to do the work for free, seemed kind of pointless at that point.) I asked him if the guy knew what he was doing, if he seemed like he was up to the task. His reply was, "Well, he builds motorcycles... but my brother says he hasn't come to work in about a week."

So that's where we are in this frakking soap opera. You could say that this has put a strain on our friendship...

My friend called me back today, finally. He asked me if I was ready to come get my cases, I said yeah.

He said, "You left some contact lens solution in my bathroom, you should probably get that, too."

I said, "Well, I left that there in case I had to crash on your couch... why, is it in your way?"

"No..."

There was a long pause when nobody said anything.

"Well... what's the deal, man? Are we breaking up or something? Hahaha."

Another pause.

"Justin, I'm not going to say anything."

"Dude, I'm sorry if I yelled at you on the phone before, I was just concerned for you and frustrated about your bike."

"Yeah, well, I think you had something to do with it. I think you did it."

"Whaaaaaat?"

"Yeah."

"What the fuck? Why would I do that? How could that possibly benefit me?"

"Who else has been in my garage?"

"I have no idea, but I didn't have anything to do with cutting your frame! I DID NOT CUT YOUR FRAME! Why the fuck would I do that? THAT'S CRAZY! You're my best friend!"

Click.