things looking up
Ok last week was hell for me. It started out with me getting a massive infection in one of my teeth. I lost the tooth but not before going through 4 days of pain like you would never beleive. Mom was hospitalized wednseday and my bank account went about a hundred dollars in the hole. Well today things took a major turn for the better. Mom was released from the hospital this morning. Then I went and sold my old PS2 and Xbox games that I was holding onto but hadn't played in 2 years or more. I got about $140 dollars for 29 games(they where real old games too) More then enough to get my but out of the hole I was shocked. Then tonight pop bought me Ironman The movie and Lego Batman for my 360. In one day everything turned around. Oh I also wished Megan a happy Birthday on friday. Just a happy b-day. She blocked me once again today. LOL. Everything is right in the world. Maybe one day she will grow up and talk to me or I will get tired of trying every now and then to talk to her. Well I got a game to play and a movie to watch. So I will type to you all later. Goodnight and goodbye.

depressed
I am in a really bad depression. I am not blaming george but he started me down this road with the last conversation we had online. (no this isn't about megan) I miss having doug and the others around to hang out with, go places with, and play games topgether (video games, Dn...). Then I had one hell of a bad week end at work only to find out today that Randy and Bob will no longer be there after Sunday. Randy is leaving for a new job and Bob is being force to resign. So starting next week I will have a new managment team in my store. That scares me to death. Bob is the one who gave me a chance after all that happened at Wendy's. I owe him alot. I find it hard now adays to enter into new situtations. I really find it hard interacting with old female friends. I am so afraid to piss them off and when I do I am afraid of a repeat of what happend 4 years ago. There are girls I have meet that I would love to ask out but don't have the courage or the nerve to ask. I find myself isolating myself from people and yet at the same time I get mad and upset that I have noone around me to hang with. Ther are time I have seriously wondered if I am still sane. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just wish I had a way to get out of the house ethier tomorrow or thurseday. Just away for the entire day, no worries, no cares and just have fun all day. Maybe meet some new friends. Un-fortunatly there is no way for that to happen. I will probably spend the day in my room playing video games or reading like I have been for the past year or more. Well thats all for now. Type to you all later.

Have to be mentally ill !!!
I have to be mentally ill. The reason I say this is how I felt this morning and what cause me to feel like that. So here I go. Last night I dreamt of Megan. In my dream We talk and hang out like we use to. We where friends again and everything was all right once again in the world. When I woke up I knew everything was a dream but I still felt very peacefull and content with the world. As the day has gone on the feeling has slightly left and I have been slightly sad because we are still not friends again in real life and probably won't be. I was just so happy in the dream but that was all it was. It gave me a taste of what I have been missing since she stoped talking to me. I don't want much just to be friends with her again. I would be so happy just to be her friend again and be able to talk with her once again. But how do you get through to someone who won't talk and just ignores me. Maybe one day the dream will become reality.

Complaining and bored
Its been a while since I just sat and typed what is going on and how I am doing. So here I go. I am still working at Boston Market like a dog. Right now I am opening the store. Still haven't gone up to TCC to re-enroll but hoping to do so soon. I have been really bored latly with nothing but video games to play and books to read. I really miss hang out with friends. Things a tense at home. Pop has been in a really pissy mod. So things haven't been to pleasent at home.

I have been read my friends bullitons and there blogs. Everyone seems to be doing good and movie on in there lives. I just feel like I am stuck in the same old rut. I enjoy where I work its just.....I don't know I just feel so blah and alone. I miss all my friends. I try to keep in touch, but I feel that I just screw up everything and they don't want to have anything to do with me. I just haven't been right since what happened at Wendy's and with what happened between me and Megan. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes I just get so fustrated and angry. The more I miss megan the more I feel that my life is goign to pot. I just wish that we could make up and be friends again. Maybe then my life wouldn't feel like crap.

I wrote to a person that I read there blogs on a regular basis. I hope she doesn't hate me to much. I just told her what I felt was the truth and how I thought she should coop. I will also say that I am tired of Megans friend thinking I am trying to use them to get to her. The ones I try to contact are the ones that I have met or that I find something interesting about them. I am not using them to get to Megan. I could care less that they are friends with her. I am contacting them because I want to wish them well, find out how they have been, or talk to them about something they wrote or did on-line. There was only once that I tried to get infomation about megan from one. That was because I heard that she was seriously hurt and I couldn't get anymore info about what happened and how she was doing. That was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. I feel that it has haunted me since then.

I work tomorrow and have friday off. I actully get a pay day off for once. I will spend more money on books,movies, and video games to try to releave the boredom. I just really wish I had some friends to talk to and hang out with. well thats all for know. I will type to you all later.

Thought I had done something stupid
I was going through blogs of people I use to know earlier this week. I saw that a person I use to know was getting married. So with great hesitation I wrote her a congrats message. She is the best friend of megan who really doesn't like me right now. Megan hates my guts and thinks I am a stalker/sexual predator. Just because she believes a psychotic little li-er/hussy and a jealous ex-boy friend. We where the best of friends Megan and I. In all I care about megan like she cares about Sara. So Megan if you read this try to put yourself in my shoes. What would you be like if Sara wouldn't have anything to do with you? I was afraid I would get rejected and get a whole line of crap because I just wanted to say congrats. I was really expecting a message claim/accusing me of trying to use Sara to get to Megan. It has been a couple of days now and Nothing has happened so I am happy that everything went all right. Its just I feel like I got to know Sara real good because Megan was always talking about her. In fact one time Megan was trying to hook us up as boyfriend and girlfriend I believe but that was long ago. Also megan would deny it now a days.Right now I feel like hell. I have been sick these last two days. In fact I am heading to bed when I finish this post. Well I will type to you all later.

Been in a weird mood
I have been In a weird mood latly. I think it is because I am lonly. However I said some things that where inapropriate to a friend and I am sorry. Like usual I didn't think and said something not once but twice before I thought about it. I typed the first thought that came into my head. I usual do better and I don't try to press my feeling on to others. Lets face it I am ugly and noone wants to be with me. I have known this for years. Oh hell I am not type ing this right either.But maybe it will show the state of mind I am in right know. I am horrible with interactions between myself and the opisit sex.God it still isn't coming out right. I feel like such an ass. Lets face it I was trying to tell someone I thought they Looked beautufull in a cool way and it turned into an inaprobrate comment. I didn't really mean anything wrong I just opened my mouth and inserted my foot.

One of my main problems is I see so many people with boyfriends/grilfriends, or hear people talk about there relationships that I am feeling left out and alone. I would love more then anything to find someone I could hold in my arms right now and cuddle with. (Beleive it or not the person I made the comments to isn't a person I would want to cuddle with. She is and I find her beautifull but she is someone I like more as someone to be crazy with and to joke with then to have anything romantic with her.) Add to the fact that some asswhipes stole my debit card info and put my account in the negative 200s. Not to mention trouble at work and I am making comments with out thinking. I did the same thing to katt at the end. Right now I am wondering why I keep making the same mistakes over and over. I hope she understands that I feel real bad about upsetting her not once but twice. I just don't know what to do right now. Expesally since I am in a very depressive mode and not really thinking right. I will be refraining from commenting for some time till I can get my head together. Well I will type to you all later. Real later.

I should be excited and yet
We just got an adorable black kitten today. We have named him blackie. Even though I have spent little time with him I find myself with mixed feelings. I am excited to have a new cat and even more that its just an 8 week old kitten. Yet at the same time I am really missing tommy. Seeing the little one brings back all types of memories of tommy. I even found myself resentfull that a new cat has replaced tommy in this house. Its funny I couldn't wait to have a new cat and YET........ Its hard to put into words how I feel. Its just that I loved tommy so much. He was my cat, my companion, all the hours we spent together and now to have a new cat here in his place. I guess I am a little angry that we have a new cat in the house. but at the same time I am happy and excited. My god I must really be crazy. I have never really felt this way. As I write this I find myself wanting to cry. I have tomorrow off maybe I just need some time to get use to the new situtation. Well thats all for now. Type to you all later.

Best week in a long time
Ok, for those who didn't know I just got back from disney world. I haven't had this much fun in ages. The fun started Friday night when George and Sam picked me up to go hang with them for a while. ( I haven't done that in close to a year) We left Saturday morning and arrived at disney world on sunday. We stoped in georgia for the night where I got my own hotel room. We stayed at the Polanisian Hotel/Resort at Disney World. The day we arrived we went to Downtown Disney. We found and bought some cool stuff while we where there.(hell we did that everywhere we went at Disney World) The next day we went to the Magic Kingdom. Mom got sick half way through. So me and pop took mom back to the room and went back to the Magic Kingdom. We went to the Animal Kingdom the following day. We started the day off by seeing the lion king show after that we had a meet and greet with the cast of the show. That was so cool meeting them after the show. We even have a picture of all of us together. The last day we went to Epicot. It was fun. We also blowed the most money there. We left thursday moring We stoped in North Carolinia for the night and we got home yesterday.The only thing that could have maid my trip better was if Katt would have agreed to meet me somewhere in south Carolinia. However she ignored me once again. Well I got stuff to do. I will type to you all later.

I can't wait. In two weeks I will be going to Disney World Florida. I can't wait. Everything is going acording to plan. I hope to have 600 dollars to spend down there. It will take us two day to get there and to days back. We are planing to stop in Georgia on the way down and South Carolina on the way back. I thought it might be nice if me and Katt could meet to settle thing between us but she blocked and ingored my request yet again. I really am missing her right now. I just want to ask her how she is doing and how she has been? i wounder if she ever got her migrains under control? I just really mis her and the conversations we had together. Well I am going back to Lost Odessey. I will type to you all later.

Here it is Valentine's day again and I am all alone. I would kill to have a girl that I could cuddle with and make out with today. oh, and to top it all off I have to work from 4 till 11 tonight.