If circumstances are tempting you to be irresponsible, just remember that this impulsive lean toward spontaneity is temporary. You won't be able to completely avoid your previous obligations, but you can postpone them for a bit. It's never too late to have that happy childhood. It's time to let the inner child out of the closet and to deal with the consequences later on when you must again be a responsible adult.
And when presented with temptation (being single and free) I took it readily....
All that happened was that my life took some truely fun and exciting twists but I am no happier for them. Very attractive and attentive young girls force their numbers onto me but I still feel empty. I'm not sure what I want anymore.
The feeling inside I have for Angie eats away at my soul, I've told her I need space from her but I ask myself why. Is it because when I speak to her it doesn't hurt as much I think it should? Am I hurting myself without realising it consciously and for what end?
Angie reminds me a lot of myself in some ways. I yearn for her company and instead of taking these girls up on their offers I gracefully pass them by when I know that company is what I need.
I'm glad I deleted her number from the phone, the temptation to contact her was too great over the weekend, had Rach not been there to understand how I feel then perhaps I wouldn't have been so strong.
I feel lost and confused. Nothing's the same anymore in my heart and my head. One day I'll know what to do but I fear by then it will be too late.
What will life throw at me this weekend on my way to purgatory? I'm not sure I can top the last adventure but I crave it so relentlessly, an exciting life to hide the hole in my heart caused by two girls.
One the match of my mind and soul, the other my match in my desires and cravings. A last lament for the sins I committed?
Here are your angels, fragile as a tear drop you will lose them both having seen the paradise they bring too late. That is my blessing and my curse.
The external web site I've been pulled in to design is in tatters as the template I was given is full of html errors which when fixed destroy the site layout. Somehow I've got to fix it or redesign the entire site in less than 2 days..
It's amazing just how many people will let you onto the roof of their stupidly tall building if you just ask nicely. I spent a good few hours today running around Sheffield center gaining access to areas the public aren't allowed to go. No-one asked for any ID, I just told them I need to take some photo's for a celebration and turned up with a camera.
The first building was quite pleasent to be on the roof of apart from the blustery winds so I thought this was gonna be a piece of cake. The second building, Sheffiled Uni's Arts Tower, was pretty nerve racking. I had to climb up a ladder in a darkened tiny cupboard and then the roof is covered in a metal lattice which we had to go up. Not amazingly scary but one hell of a view and you're all too aware of how high you are as you can see the buildings roof 14 foot below you.
The last roof I went onto was the spire of a converted church. I thought this one was going to be the easiest and laughed when they told me it was 131 steps to the top. 131 medieval circular steps in a barely lit square of about 2 foot by 2 foot with no hand rail and covered in loose dirt. I stepped on my jacket many times, lost my shoe once and ended up almost crawling up the steps it was so un-nerving. We stopped off half way to wander around on the main roof and to look at the various inner workings of the clock tower.
At one point I looked up at the floor above and thought "that looks like it's going to collapse" so duly the guy leading me takes me onto that floor to show me the bell. I'm hugging the archway of the door barely able to step on the floorboards in case they come crashing down taking me and this guy with them. After much more crawling my way up steps we finally reach the roof of the spire, it's an amazing view, 140foot up, I've got a picture at work of me looking terrified next to the "140 foot up" sign. I'm trying to smile but it isn't working and my face is screwed up in a kind of "yay-terror". The guy who took me up there points up to the 4 mini spires and tells me it's 180 foot at the top of them, so I look up only to get that "ohmygodno" dizzy feeling and need to take a break before we head down. Down is much easier than up but by the time I'm back down my legs are pretty wobbly and I'm glad the experience is over. Apparently not many people make it up to the top, two news cameramen didn't even make it half way when they did an article there so I have some sence of achievement from reaching the top. Shame the public aren't allowed up ther any more as it's a fantastic view of Sheffield, you can see that the center is in a bowl surrounded by hills.
Clearly I must find a way to avoid this and still earn money
It starts off well, a group of us meet after work for a game of frizbee, only this is a £15 frizbee!
£15!? No I didn't buy it, who in their right mind pays that much for a disc of plastic?
After a good throw around we head on Monty's, the local cocktail bar, for two4one cocktails and shooters.
That red thing in the pic is my drink, I have many of these and it's around this point I am so drunk that my memory of the remaining night is fragmented....
Matt decides to talk to some annoying 19yr olds, we have a laugh with them and then decide it's probably best to leave.
We decide to head on to Ministry of Sound, not my choice of venue but we have free entry and a free drink so we go via Whetherspoons. Whilst walking through I spot a sexy pirate girl and we run over and ask to play with her hook and take pics.
Pirate girl is slightly overwhelmed by us dashing over and fawning over her pirateness. Her friend is slightly annoyed as it seems she's been getting all the attention all night.
We take a series of pics with us lot wearing her hook (I don't have the one of me) until pirate girls friend gets concerned we're about to walk off with the hook. In fairness we are so drunk that we might have done, so we hand it back, give thanks and leave.
We arrive at Ministry of Sound, at this point I should explain that most of us are in shorts and sandels. The bouncers take one look and tell us to forget it. 2 minutes of Matt talking to them and we are entering the club! God knows how, but we get our free drinks and mooch around. Ministry has a VIP area which you have to book, it contains a hot tub, funky chairs and more. We decide to crash it.
It's around this time I receive several burns to my hand from careless cig handling from two of my party, oww!
We are kicked out of the VIP area, only to decide later we should enter again and make use of the hanging chairs
It's at this point I sustain the bruise on my ass attempting to sit on the chair. As I lower myself it swings away and my drink and I go crashing to the floor much to my and my friends amusement 
Again we are politely ejected and make our way back to the club. At this point I remember meeting matts ex (awkward), helping a group of au pairs take photos (meh?), some odd money dealing going on (you owe me £10 Matt!) and running into the annoying 19yr olds again. They decide that since we are all wearing shorts that we are all gay. Asking whether I look like I like interior design does not solicit the desired responce so they insist Matt and I snog to prove we're not gay. Yes, I know, but at the time the logic seemed sound (I told you we were insanely drunk). Moving on...
We move on try to enter another club only to have the shorts and sandels talk again from the doorstaff. This time it doesn't work and Matt argues with the bouncer a lot. We think it's best to move on, get changed and head to another club.
It's about this time I am horribly drunk, I run into my ex and everything goes to shit. Somehow it ends with me falling out with my ex 
I'm not sure how or why because I don't hate her, but it is the first time we've seen each other since we split a month ago so alcohol + pent up feelings on both our parts probably wasn't the best way to meet. My night continues til 6am 
although what it entails is a loss to me. I know I went to an all night supermarket several times and bought no end of crap in some kind of drunken spending spree.
Next day I feel very much like poo
and make apologies to my ex.
In the course of my hangover recovery I discover that my friends cooker temperature setting goes from 0 to bread. Yup, bread.
It's a poor pic but wtf?
Drama strikes again! Kinda have mixed feelings about the night, it was awesome until running into my ex and now I just feel bad. And my ass hurts
Drama 1: My "ex ex" txt's me to tell me I'm "actively isolating her from her friends"
By this she means she's upset I didn't invite her out with me to Corporation on Friday (see my last journal entry for the run down).
Now a) My "ex ex" and I weren't on speaking terms because of the shitty way she treats me when we are and b) It wasn't a big party type thing, it was meant to be my best mate, his girl, my (then) girlfriend and her best mate.
Anyhow, I being the caring idiot I am, spend about an hour speaking to her trying to understand why she's upset and we agree to talk the next day so she can tell me all the things she wants to but never got chance. This doesn't happen because at the moment she emotionally and mentally unhappy and prefers to avoid upsetting situations and I'm not some monster that's going to force her to talk to me when she's so upset and confused.
So, don't really get anywhere with drama 1 apart from her and I end up in our usual routine which isn't healthy for either of us.
Drama 2: My ex (of today) decides that she wants to turn her life around and finally sort herself out as she's been less than perfect up to now and her parents have pretty much borne the brunt of it. This means working all the hours she can and not being in a relationship (somethings got to give, the work or the relationship).
I'm happy for her to do this, I genuinely care about her and have seen an amazing change in her over the last few months. I'm upset that we can't be together but when you have a long distance relationship you deal with these things the best way you can. I miss her and she misses me but if us being apart allows her to turn her life around (and it looks like it will) then this is what needs to happen. What boosted the drama level of this is that it took her a full day before she felt she could talk to me about it, which drove me insane not knowing what was going on and not getting any replies to my calls or txts.
Now that I'm single I'm wondering what the drama button will produce now for me to deal with.....
