got at new tattoo today. it is ouchie now. if you wanna know what it looks like, go here:
http://www.cafeshops.com/drgonzo
it's the main logo on the site. i havent had time to take and post pics yet, but i will one of these days. as soon as the little blue midgets stop hitting me with fish.
why, oh why, do they hit me with fish?
i wish, i wish they won't hit me with fish
they make the sound 'squish'
when i'm pelted with fish
oh, and i'm getting my left industrial piercing on tuesday.
which is inconsiquential when compared to the fish.
http://www.cafeshops.com/drgonzo
it's the main logo on the site. i havent had time to take and post pics yet, but i will one of these days. as soon as the little blue midgets stop hitting me with fish.
why, oh why, do they hit me with fish?
i wish, i wish they won't hit me with fish
they make the sound 'squish'
when i'm pelted with fish
oh, and i'm getting my left industrial piercing on tuesday.
which is inconsiquential when compared to the fish.
i want a hippopotamus for chrismas.
only a hippopotamus will do.
no crocodiles.
or rhinocerouses.
i only want hippopotamuses.
and hippopotamuses want me too.
that song was written by midgets on ecstacy. it's the only possibile explanation.
so last night the real world was on. this show really sucks. and while watching it, i was fortunate enough to have a spoon in my hand. and i shoved it up my ass. why did i do this? cause if i was gonna be in that much pain, i was gonna do it to myself. and that, my friends, is called empowerment.
and this, my friends, is a chicken
lovely.
i am a carrot.
only a hippopotamus will do.
no crocodiles.
or rhinocerouses.
i only want hippopotamuses.
and hippopotamuses want me too.
that song was written by midgets on ecstacy. it's the only possibile explanation.
so last night the real world was on. this show really sucks. and while watching it, i was fortunate enough to have a spoon in my hand. and i shoved it up my ass. why did i do this? cause if i was gonna be in that much pain, i was gonna do it to myself. and that, my friends, is called empowerment.
and this, my friends, is a chicken
lovely.
i am a carrot.
i'd like to take this time to post something that is not original. my father passed away about about 5 years ago now, but a few hours before he died, he was sending out really bizarre emails to his friends. this is one of such emails and i am retyping this exactly as he had it, word for word, punctuation for punctuation:
"OK Let's get shallow for a second, no make that a millisecond, or better yet a microsecond, but if really want to picky we can use a nanosecond but for our purposes we will continue to reduce the size to an impossibly small slice of time that we will call a 'brkl'. Allright now, the last brkl just went by and the next one does not yet exist. What does that tell you about the concept of infinty in reverse. The thruth is that neither amount exists which is why time is not real. Therefore when tomorrow you wake up startled on the planet Zonga you will remember this dream and try to explain to your fellow brsikgtps that you can't explain in words but there is this thing called time and there are 'people' in a place where they have things for this imaginary 'time' to be necessary. Just about when your piece of it vanished you woke up. That was so scary!"
weird, eh? just thought i'd share that. now if anyone says i'm too weird, i got back up material to prove why.
hey, where's that place where the fat bitch fucks the pigs?
"OK Let's get shallow for a second, no make that a millisecond, or better yet a microsecond, but if really want to picky we can use a nanosecond but for our purposes we will continue to reduce the size to an impossibly small slice of time that we will call a 'brkl'. Allright now, the last brkl just went by and the next one does not yet exist. What does that tell you about the concept of infinty in reverse. The thruth is that neither amount exists which is why time is not real. Therefore when tomorrow you wake up startled on the planet Zonga you will remember this dream and try to explain to your fellow brsikgtps that you can't explain in words but there is this thing called time and there are 'people' in a place where they have things for this imaginary 'time' to be necessary. Just about when your piece of it vanished you woke up. That was so scary!"
weird, eh? just thought i'd share that. now if anyone says i'm too weird, i got back up material to prove why.
hey, where's that place where the fat bitch fucks the pigs?
so there was something tonight that really disturbed me. it's the fact that i can't buy toilet paper that doesn't make me feel gay. they all have babies or puppies or teddy bears or something equally as homosexual on them. i mean, christ, its paper for your ASS. they tested this product by having people shit and then shove said product in their respective anus'.
then there's five guys at the marketing meeting going "you know john, i think this product would be PERFECT with a kitty cat on the front." and he replies "magnificent! i know when i get home at night and see my pet cat, i always think about wiping my ass, ron." to which ron replies back "ya, mike, but thats cause you like shitting on your cat!" at which point they both start cracking up in that businessman snob laugh.
same argument goes for the names of shampoo brands. prell. herbal essence. ivory. pantene pro-v. especialy pantene pro-v. i'd like to have witnessed the company meeting to come up with that name. i think the plan was to find the most feminine word that men would feel uncomfortable saying and then go from there. they must have been deciding between that and "tamponess".
whoo, ok, talkin a whole lot about nothing. its obviously past my bedtime. what are you people doing letting me stay out this late?
robot!
then there's five guys at the marketing meeting going "you know john, i think this product would be PERFECT with a kitty cat on the front." and he replies "magnificent! i know when i get home at night and see my pet cat, i always think about wiping my ass, ron." to which ron replies back "ya, mike, but thats cause you like shitting on your cat!" at which point they both start cracking up in that businessman snob laugh.
same argument goes for the names of shampoo brands. prell. herbal essence. ivory. pantene pro-v. especialy pantene pro-v. i'd like to have witnessed the company meeting to come up with that name. i think the plan was to find the most feminine word that men would feel uncomfortable saying and then go from there. they must have been deciding between that and "tamponess".
whoo, ok, talkin a whole lot about nothing. its obviously past my bedtime. what are you people doing letting me stay out this late?
robot!we can dance if we want to. we can leave your friends behind.
that song is written about moshing. seriously. whats wrong with these people?
my allergies are acting up. damn cat at my moms house. sits on fucking everything.
i am a pork chop.
the "i, robot" movie comes out in may. starring will smith. the fuck is that all about?
that song is written about moshing. seriously. whats wrong with these people?
my allergies are acting up. damn cat at my moms house. sits on fucking everything.
i am a pork chop.
the "i, robot" movie comes out in may. starring will smith. the fuck is that all about?
goin to see genitorturers on new years. woo!!!
goin to see lord of the rings tonight. woo!!!
goin to boca to see old senile grandparents on wed. woo......no wait, boo!!
i also just got myself the jim henson's 'storyteller' dvd collection. i'm probably one of 7 people alive who owns that disc.
i also need to deface my body some more. 3 piercings and 3 tattoos just aint nearly enough.
wanna see my pussy?
goin to see lord of the rings tonight. woo!!!
goin to boca to see old senile grandparents on wed. woo......no wait, boo!!
i also just got myself the jim henson's 'storyteller' dvd collection. i'm probably one of 7 people alive who owns that disc.
i also need to deface my body some more. 3 piercings and 3 tattoos just aint nearly enough.
wanna see my pussy?
so eye you may see in the upper left corner of my profile may have sustained damage. it's been irritated now for about 24 hours and it doesn't seem to be going away. its developed this really intereesting red and purple hue on the outside white part. its sexy. believe me.
i just got over being sick. im now in the "coughing up foreign lifeforms from your throat and sinus's" stage. its even hotter than my tard eye.
the weather in florida is regulated by brain dead, rabbid chihuahas. its 50 degrees at night, then 80 degrees during the day, then 30 degrees that night, then 50 degrees during the day, then 70 degrees at night. the only time people have heard of weather like this is in a book called 'revelations'.
and lastly, its official. i cant remember the last time ive been out socially in orlando. this is such a great day for me, *sniff*. i'd like to thank all the people who've made my hermit dream come true. *sniff*. my manager and producers. david blaine, i believe in you and your magic is real. *sniff*.
has anyone ever noticed that i bitch an awful lot?
heh heh.
i just got over being sick. im now in the "coughing up foreign lifeforms from your throat and sinus's" stage. its even hotter than my tard eye.
the weather in florida is regulated by brain dead, rabbid chihuahas. its 50 degrees at night, then 80 degrees during the day, then 30 degrees that night, then 50 degrees during the day, then 70 degrees at night. the only time people have heard of weather like this is in a book called 'revelations'.
and lastly, its official. i cant remember the last time ive been out socially in orlando. this is such a great day for me, *sniff*. i'd like to thank all the people who've made my hermit dream come true. *sniff*. my manager and producers. david blaine, i believe in you and your magic is real. *sniff*.
has anyone ever noticed that i bitch an awful lot?
heh heh.
spain was cold.
and the food was bad.
and even though it has nothing to do with spain, i'm sick now.
christmas is expensive. i dont exactly know how poor people celebrate it.
i want lasagna.
and the food was bad.
and even though it has nothing to do with spain, i'm sick now.
christmas is expensive. i dont exactly know how poor people celebrate it.
i want lasagna.
well im going to spain for 5 days. plane leaves tomorrow and i will return on sunday. i fully don't plan on having any means to communicate with the united states while i'm there, so nobody do anything crazy. i wouldn't wanna miss it.
send fruit.
send fruit.
so this new friend system on sg is pretty different. having to accept people as your friend? i dunno. i think anyone who wants to can call themselves my friend. but naturally, it doesn't mean i agree. 
so i'm making 8 lbs of enchiladas tomorrow night. its our work thankgiving potluck and if i dont make these, then a certain human resources director will open my throat up and bathe in the blood. she loves the enchiladas. and the cock. but that has nothing to do with anything. except that maybe an enchilada is shaped like a cock.....
lastly, and worst of all, i think i might be getting sick. why? cause life sucks. i only get sick for holidays or special events. or for exhuberantly large sums of money. chingy, yo.
In the age of superboredom, hype and mediocrity
Celebrate relentlessness
Menace to society
-KMFDM, Megalomaniacal
oh, ya, and
so i'm making 8 lbs of enchiladas tomorrow night. its our work thankgiving potluck and if i dont make these, then a certain human resources director will open my throat up and bathe in the blood. she loves the enchiladas. and the cock. but that has nothing to do with anything. except that maybe an enchilada is shaped like a cock.....
lastly, and worst of all, i think i might be getting sick. why? cause life sucks. i only get sick for holidays or special events. or for exhuberantly large sums of money. chingy, yo.
In the age of superboredom, hype and mediocrity
Celebrate relentlessness
Menace to society
-KMFDM, Megalomaniacal
oh, ya, and
