why is it that every time I look at my page its different.. and not for the better..

/sigh

you ever step back and look at your life and think. who the fuck am I.. how the fuck did i get here...

*looks around*


im not sure what to do after that part though.

damp,
your face far too often
tears,
fall like pillows of broken glass

cold,
my heart cut by silent emotion
pain,
my purchase hidden from view

dark,
the depths of my delusion
truth,
tarrying the inevitable release

Interesting, but not all that surprising...





You are the Devil card. The Devil is based on the figure Pan, Lord of the Dance. The earthy physicality of the devil breeds lust. The devil's call to return to primal instincts often creates conflict in a society in which many of these instincts must be kept under control. Challenges posed by our physical bodies can be overcome by strength in the mental, emotional, and spiritual realms. Pan is also a symbol of enjoyment and rules our material creativity. The devil knows physical pleasure and how to manipulate the physical world. Material creativity finds its output in such things as dance, pottery, gardening, and sex. The self-actualized person is able to accept the sensuality and usefulness of the devil's gifts while remaining in control of any darker urges.

I'm realizing I need to stop trippin and just do some shit! Get things in order and not just think about getting things in order..

so hopefully you'll be seeing some not so depressing and/or uninteresting posts from me in the near future


hope your summer is teh coolest!!

bla bla hey!
not much to say.

i sleep
I wake
I make the fraps and I play the wow
I wonder how
I've arrived at now
I sleep
I wake
I sleep
I wake
I've once again begun
At a place I'd long since left
My life so cold and lonely
Yet its only what I've made of it
I sleep
I wake
Waiting for a quake
One to shake my universe
One to make me finally wake
I sleep
I wake
I sleep
I wake

whao!! im totally lost!!

my first reaction was 'this doesn't feel like home anymore', though its not like I'm on sg much anymore anyways, but this might push me a bit farther.. /shrug

i do like the little browse girls thing up there though. I'm sure its really cool on broadband.. ya im on dialup still...

anyways....


oh and im not sure i like this being referred to as a blog now.. somehow that term is just so much less than journal to me..

Figured I'd update as I finally have something interesting to tell you guys!!

So spring is sprung and I'm starting to bloom once again!! Time for some cleaning and some fresh thinking! First off, I finally got a job! (not that I'd really been trying to get one before) I'm an official caffeine peddler for starbucks! Since I'm always there, I might as well get paid.

Though, the moving to Manhattan is on hold for a bit, mainly because of the negative cash flow and tons of bills. I never thought I'd be one of those people that doesn't answer their phone, as its always creditors... ugh. (those that I've not called back. I will!! )

So hopefully I can get back on my feet a bit, and then see where things lead from there. I think just getting a job and getting back out there is going to be good for me though. My confidence was shot and I was depressed all the time before, but I've only been working for a week and I'm already feeling much better about things!


So the 2 year sabbatical is officially over!!! Though the journey is still in full swing! I'm not so sure that will ever end.


Enjoy springtime and have a wonderful Easter!!

meh

GO SEE THIS NOW!