Hahahaha bitches, I got her! I knew it would happen! Let me just preface this by first saying that I wasn't going to actively encourage it, but I will admit but that I am too weak to discourage it either. On Saturday, while she was drunk she wanted to snuggle together with just our underwear on. This does seem like a bad idea, but I hate having people mad at me so I have a problem saying "no" to friends if they want me to do something. She told her boyfriend that we were just going to snuggle and nothing sexual was going to happen. So, anyway, I went along with it. Long story short, it went downhill super fast. Simply put, women smell way too good to snuggle and not be sexual with. What is funny is that I fantasized about how this would start, and the reality ended up being almost exactly like the fantasy. Anyway, she owes me because the cocky bitch didn't think this would happen. She was so sure that she could resist the temptation. Conversely, I was sure we were going to screw up at some point. She called me a pessimist; whereas, I considered myself a realist. You can't constantly put temptation in front of someone (especially drunk someones) and except them to resist forever. Now my only question is how long before it happens again. I hope it is not another three months. That is a long time to wait.

I am starting to get that feeling again. For about a month or so I have been feeling relatively peaceful (i.e. not too aroused), but now I am getting that sense of mischief that begins to arise whenever I crave female attention. I think I will be alright as long as a certain someone does not decide to get drunk and flirt with me. I never can tell how she feels about me. The signals seem so hot and cold. One minute she seems totally platonic, then she gets drunk and starts touching me. It is so confusing to me. Even when she is sober, her hugs seem suspiciously long. I am not complaining. With breasts as large as hers, they feel fantastic. If she is giving everyone hugs as long as she does me, she must be extremely popular. It gives me time to catch her scent, which drives me wild. I am sooo sensitive to smells. Anyways, we are not allowed to do anything together, so I really have to behave. But if she tempts me I don't think I will have the willpower to say "no". In that same line of thought, I guess it is a bad idea to invite her over or out to dinner for chit-chat while my husband and her boyfriend are away next weekend and we are left here home alone and bored. But I may roll the dice and do it anyway. It is a totally disastrous idea, but the "playing with fire" aspect of it may be too tempting for the mischievous side of me to resist right now. .

Superbowl Sunday Feb. 3. I throw a party and she comes over along with a couple of her friends. There are several people over and me and my husband are the hosts, so there is no flirting throughout the day. As a matter of fact, we barely get to speak much to each other at all. But at the end of the night, as she is getting ready to leave (and after she has had a little more to drink), we share what seems like an extended hug and she purposely blows into my ear. I make some sort of quiet comment about it being a wicked sort of thing to do. Her boyfriend is then pulling her out the door because he is tired and ready to leave. When I text her the next day to comment on this series of events, she apologizes for being a little too drunk and flirtatious. This girl is going to be the death of me. She is constantly messing with my head. When she is sober and not standing near me, she acts like I barely exist (or at least that is how I feel), and then as soon as she is drunk she is flirting with me again. She admits she has a problem with being too flirtatious and that it sometimes gets people hurt. She also says that because her boyfriend says we can't do anything together that it can't happen. But every time she is drunk that is not the signals she is putting out. So, I told her that I don't see us being able to hold out forever. She says that I am a pessimist. That may be, but I think I am more of a realist. Take one girl who who is bisexual and likes to drink and flirt, add another girl who is interested in said girl and put them around each other a lot. What do you think is going to happen? I don't want anyone to get hurt, but temptation is a bitch. So, we have opposing ideas as to what is going to happen. I told her that if my scenario wins out, she must say the words to me, "you win, you were right". I am going to make her whisper that bitch seductively in my ear too! I am not usually one to rub it in when I am right and someone else is wrong, but she is so sure, to the point of cockiness, that I am just being pessimistic, that she needs to learn her lesson. Sometimes others might know a little more than she does. You would think she would hedge her bet since she already jumped me once after he already said "no". So now we are going to find out who can truly see five steps down the road.

SEE! I told you this would happen! Last night we both got drunk, and she climbed on top of me while her boyfriend was in the other room! What was I supposed to do? I want this girl so badly, and now she has confirmed my suspicions that she wants me too. I think this is going to get really dangerous. She actually asked both her boyfriend and my husband if it would be okay if we made out, and my husband gave her the green light (kind of surprised me) but her boyfriend said "no". I don't think that quite entirely stopped this from happening. We were definitely held back by the idea that at any minute one of the guys could walk back there (that doesn't make it more exciting for me, it makes it way more distracting), but I get this feeling that it is just a matter of time. She has practically married into the family, so it is not like we are not going to see each other again. We will be around each other all of the time, so it is constant temptation, Oh, and side note, this girl likes to get drunk a lot. so that doesn't help on restraining things. It was pretty funny, one minute she is painting my toenails ( she was determined to do this despite my protestations) and telling me how beautiful she thinks I am but that we can never do stuff together because we are "sisters", and then less than two hours later we are in bed together. Huh, figure that out. I told you this was headed for trouble. Oh, second side note, her body is even more amazing than I thought it was. It is ridiculous! That is not helping me be good. I'm doomed.

Well, it is almost time to spend quality time with the family, and that means at some point I will be sitting across from an almost family member that I have a crush on while trying to act completely normal. Fortunately for me, I am really good at doing that. I used to do it all the time with students I was interested in (I used to be a professor). I am so shy that I am supremely good at suppressing my feelings and acting as if my interest in someone is completely platonic. Come to think of it, I don't know if this is a good thing, because people never know I am interested in them, but that is the way it is. I guess it really is a good thing though in this case since this person could eventually marry into the family and that could make all of this very awkward. It is kind of a bummer that I have an ability to lust after a person for long periods of time though because she may not be going anywhere anytime soon. I have had a crush on my pain doctor for over six years. Now imagine the temptation dangling in front of me of a hot bisexual, marrying into the family, and being around all the time. Oh, wait, did I mention that she likes to flirt? Yeah, this seems like trouble. Merry Christmas!

Okay, okay. Now that my hormones have calmed down or whatever makes me so crazy, I am a little bit more sane....or a lot more, and I realize that I better change up those previous blogs and disguise them to prevent potential chaos in my life should certain someones cross my page. I don't know what happens, but at certain times it just seems like I go crazy, and I lose all good sense. Normally, I like to think that I am a bastion of control, but if I get "amorous", I just lose ALL sense of right and wrong. Anyway, I better do some editing of previous blog posts to hide incriminating evidence that could torch me.

Sadly, I must put all amorous pursuits on a temporary hiatus as I heal up from a scooter injury. I hit a patch of wet moss, laid down my scooter, and jacked up my knee pretty badly. What perfect timing...right before I need to start to doing Christmas shopping. My mom is going to freak. She already thinks the thing is a deathtrap. I will never hear the end if it. The thing I am most bummed about is that I badly scratched up my scooter in several places. That thing is my sweet little burnt orange baby...sniff...sniff.

So I am already in deep, why not write some more and really dig myself into a hole in case the person I am dreaming about stumbles onto this site. This is kind of weird though because I am trying to quietly write this with my husband standing less than 10 feet away completely unaware of what I am up to. First of all, as I mentioned in a previous blog I have never been into breasts because I have pretty big ones myself, but I am totally into hers for some reason. If I get my chance I am going to suck the hell out of her breasts and make her watch every second of it. There is something REALLY sexy about watching a woman suck on your nipples. I can only hope that she would like to return the favor because my breasts are literally aching for her. If I have my way, I plan to leave her breasts very sore. Next, I want to slide my leg up between her thighs and push it hard against her pussy (personally I hate that word). I want to feel that wonderful sense of warmth and wetness spread over my leg. I want to feel her grip my leg tightly and see her stomach muscles flex as she grinds her clit hard against my leg. I want to see her huge beautiful breasts begin to heave as she lifts her whole body off of the bed desperately grinding harder and faster. After awhile I slide my leg back a bit and slip two fingers deep inside her and up to hit the G-spot. I massage the spot mercilessly while following the natural rhythm of her hip thrusts. Her hips soon begin to push up off the bed faster and faster as she gets closer to orgasm. I lean in to suck on her nipples while I continue to finger her. I would love to watch her whole body writhe around in ecstasy. But I wouldn't let her cum right away. I want her suffer like she has made me suffer. Then I want to flip her over and cover her spine, top to bottom, with kisses as I slowly graze my nipples along her back and down to her ass. Then I want to lie on top of her back and kiss the back of her neck while I slowly grind against her. I want her to feel the warmth between my legs. I want to push myself into her mind so that she can't think straight anymore. If I have my way, she will become my willing deviant (at least for those brief moments in bed), I want to hear her breathing become fast and shallow. I want to hear her sigh and moan. I want to hear her beg. I want to see her face flush and her body shake uncontrollably for me. And then I want to hear her cum...hard, fast, and loud. Yipes, is that too explicit? I feel like it is. It sounds like a good plan to me though. Of course, not near as explicit, but far more important for me is that I plan to kiss her all night long. I can never get enough kissing. That is where you really connect with someone. I would LOVE to really bite and suck on her as well, especially her neck, but since she belongs to another person this is strictly out of the question. I love anything I can do with my mouth. Anyway, it helps me feel a little less "anxious" if I get some of this stuff out in writing instead of just sitting and stewing in my own desire. Better stop for now, my husband is getting curious as to what I am doing. Funny thought: could you imagine if you were this girl and you stumbled upon this? I wonder what her reaction would be?

Okay, so I asked the person that I am fixated with if she had ever heard of suicide girls or been on the web site and then told her it would be a very good idea to avoid the site altogether or at least give me a "heads up" first if she is going to peruse the site, but I didn't tell her why. I just told her it was REALLY important that she let me know first. The reason for this is twofold: one, I need to delete incriminating evidence if she is going to check out the site as a member and two, I am mindfucking her. If I can't play with her body I am at least going to play with her mind.

I wonder if this obsession is going to die down, If she ever marries into the family, we will be spending even more time around each other. I can only hold my tongue and behave for so long. I know I am going to do something stupid. It is just a matter of time. I can feel it. I can probably hold out for quite awhile though. I am pretty insecure so I tend not to make the first move unless I am completely hammered (and that almost never happens), and on top of that I love to play mind games, so I can go for quite awhile before moving things along. The waiting game always makes things better...although it also makes things WAY more painful. The strange thing is that I am really fixated on her huge breasts. I have pretty big breasts myself, so I have never really been into breasts, but for some reason I am totally fixated on hers. I want to get my hands, mouth, and just about every other part of my body on them. I want to see her huge breasts rise and fall as she starts to have an orgasm. I want to rub my nipples across hers while I push my tongue into her mouth and kiss her deeply for hours. I want to get inside this girl's body and mind and make her scream and moan. It is driving me a little bit crazy (but in a good way). Was that too graphic? I feel like it was. I feel like the devil is sitting on my shoulder. I sooooo hope she never stumbles on this. I will never be able to look her in the eye again.