Getting inspiration from Jordan, who is OK in my book - I am going to share a last-agent letter with youse guys. But read hers first. I'll wait.

(crossing legs. making certain I've called everone I should, drinking coffee, thinking of the possibilities of the latest contortionest SG....)Oh.

Back?

Well here it is: (and this has nothing to do with the sucessful play of the same title)

So I'm one of the last "readers" Paramount ever had - guys and gals who would suggest a book and tell it all in one page for executives who never even look at them, and I zapped in a week an AIP-sort of cheap horror film called BENT. It was at least funny, so I packed it up, sent it to my agent. His reply?

"Thank you for letting us see 'BENT' (which must be what you are). I have told you, you are a terrible writer. Why do you bother me? I wouldn't buy one of your stories if you paid me. Leave me alone. Drop dead. Get lost!

Well he was pretty serious, but the crowning touch was the CC - carbon copies to everybody in Hollywood.

"cc: Robert Evans, S. Spielberg, Sam Arkoff, Roy Disney, P. Bogdanovich, R. Corman, John Milius, R. Ray (his partner), L. Wasserman, J. Calley, Peter Bart........"

You get the idea.

Ah, show biz - ain't it grand?

A joke? Well, I had no agent that day... only picked up my current one a year later.