Ok, part two of the mini bio. (A bit of an oxymoron
)
I left off just after marriage: We have been divorced for just about five years and I have custody of our daughter. My daughter Caitlin is the most wonderful person and all any parent could ask for. For this reason, I will never begrudge my experience with her mother, for I am the luckiest father in the world. Oh and I have full custody. /biggrin
Ok, now for a little filet of soul, and not the fish. (although I loved grilled fish)
The Chameleon
I operate as a chameleon in my personality. Often conforming my speech, accent, body language to the surrounding company I find myself in. I flow into this with often no thought at all. This is not to say that I only operate in this manor, or that there is no center point to go back to. It only happens when I sense that it would be beneficial & with someone I do not know and am unlikely to meet again. Sometimes if I have a friend with me that knows me better, they will ask me about it later. Examples of this are when talking to someone with a country persona; I will slow down my speech & drawl out my accent. I will use terms, such as "Dang man" or "Don't that just beat all". Phrases I would not use in my everyday speech. Not only that, but I will adjust my physical standing to match. When someone I know sees this, they are often surprised. My mother & sister used to know me as a mumbler, then they saw me make a phone call to a reality agent in regards to getting a key for the pool at a place were staying, they were both shocked to hear my "professional phone voice" as it was not something they had ever experienced. I did not even realize that I had been using it.
This ability is something that has its advantages. I am able to fit into almost any social setting with little trouble. I know what to say & how to say it so that I gain acceptance from the group. However, I do not truly fit in & the group knows this as well. It is more like they tolerate me just long enough for my stay. It works in the short term, not for the long term. I am sensitive to this & generally know when I have worn out my welcome. However in most settings that this is used, it is only for a short duration & only with strangers.
Some examples of this, in Jr. High school, I could move between groups during lunch & say honestly that I had a friend in each one. In reality & upon reflection I had a contact in each one. I was able to spend time with the cool kids, the jocks, the nerds, the rednecks, the blacks & the others. I fit in each group for a short time, and then moved on to another if I felt my welcome running out. As a result I was popular with a large section of the school & while I often spent more time with the cool kids I was never truly one of them. I moved between the smaller segments quite often, so as not to overstay my welcome. I would have to say I never truly felt comfortable in any large group. In a smaller group of people I have no problem. I am guessing this is sort of like putting a chameleon in a room with a rainbow of colors. While he might be able to reproduce some of the colors, he is not likely to match all of the colors to truly blend in. If you place him in a setting with fewer colors and he will adjust quickly to the best color to match his needs. The amount I say & what I say will depend on who is in the group & how well I know them. Often coworkers think of me as a bit conservative, but once they get to know me a little better, (really it is me getting to know them a little better) they are a bit surprised to find I am a bit more wide open.
The disadvantages of this personality is that I am not entirely sure of who I am.
I have been working on this of late.
Today I wrote 3 full pages on my ex (I could fill 3 books), while the writing flows pretty well; it takes a lot out of me. I feel drained afterwards. I have managed to bury many of the more unpleasant memories away. It is comfortable to do so, but it eats at me from the core. I am learning to deal with it and move on. Or at least I am trying to.
Ok, all for now, but on a sad note.
Yesterday I went to my Uncle's funeral. He was a good man, a quiet man, but the kind of person you could depend on to be there when needed. He was 66, and just a few months older than my dad. This has hit my dad very hard partially as he had gotten close to his brother in law in the past ten years, but also because they were so close in age.
A strange thing happened at the service. There was a Christmas tree in the back of the church, directly behind the alter. On it there were lace ornaments and on the lower right hand side, was a tree. The entire service the tree moved back and forth in a gentle fashion. None of the other ornaments moved at all. The branch it was on did not move either. I figured there must be an air duct near it somewhere. After the funeral, I was talking to two of my aunt's close friends and they brought up the ornament. What they told me was that after the service, while the family was on the way out, the ornament stopped moving. They asked the minister if there were any air ducts back there & he advised no. Sounds corny, but it is true.
He will be missed.
I left off just after marriage: We have been divorced for just about five years and I have custody of our daughter. My daughter Caitlin is the most wonderful person and all any parent could ask for. For this reason, I will never begrudge my experience with her mother, for I am the luckiest father in the world. Oh and I have full custody. /biggrin
Ok, now for a little filet of soul, and not the fish. (although I loved grilled fish)
The Chameleon
I operate as a chameleon in my personality. Often conforming my speech, accent, body language to the surrounding company I find myself in. I flow into this with often no thought at all. This is not to say that I only operate in this manor, or that there is no center point to go back to. It only happens when I sense that it would be beneficial & with someone I do not know and am unlikely to meet again. Sometimes if I have a friend with me that knows me better, they will ask me about it later. Examples of this are when talking to someone with a country persona; I will slow down my speech & drawl out my accent. I will use terms, such as "Dang man" or "Don't that just beat all". Phrases I would not use in my everyday speech. Not only that, but I will adjust my physical standing to match. When someone I know sees this, they are often surprised. My mother & sister used to know me as a mumbler, then they saw me make a phone call to a reality agent in regards to getting a key for the pool at a place were staying, they were both shocked to hear my "professional phone voice" as it was not something they had ever experienced. I did not even realize that I had been using it.
This ability is something that has its advantages. I am able to fit into almost any social setting with little trouble. I know what to say & how to say it so that I gain acceptance from the group. However, I do not truly fit in & the group knows this as well. It is more like they tolerate me just long enough for my stay. It works in the short term, not for the long term. I am sensitive to this & generally know when I have worn out my welcome. However in most settings that this is used, it is only for a short duration & only with strangers.
Some examples of this, in Jr. High school, I could move between groups during lunch & say honestly that I had a friend in each one. In reality & upon reflection I had a contact in each one. I was able to spend time with the cool kids, the jocks, the nerds, the rednecks, the blacks & the others. I fit in each group for a short time, and then moved on to another if I felt my welcome running out. As a result I was popular with a large section of the school & while I often spent more time with the cool kids I was never truly one of them. I moved between the smaller segments quite often, so as not to overstay my welcome. I would have to say I never truly felt comfortable in any large group. In a smaller group of people I have no problem. I am guessing this is sort of like putting a chameleon in a room with a rainbow of colors. While he might be able to reproduce some of the colors, he is not likely to match all of the colors to truly blend in. If you place him in a setting with fewer colors and he will adjust quickly to the best color to match his needs. The amount I say & what I say will depend on who is in the group & how well I know them. Often coworkers think of me as a bit conservative, but once they get to know me a little better, (really it is me getting to know them a little better) they are a bit surprised to find I am a bit more wide open.
The disadvantages of this personality is that I am not entirely sure of who I am.
I have been working on this of late.
Today I wrote 3 full pages on my ex (I could fill 3 books), while the writing flows pretty well; it takes a lot out of me. I feel drained afterwards. I have managed to bury many of the more unpleasant memories away. It is comfortable to do so, but it eats at me from the core. I am learning to deal with it and move on. Or at least I am trying to.
Ok, all for now, but on a sad note.
Yesterday I went to my Uncle's funeral. He was a good man, a quiet man, but the kind of person you could depend on to be there when needed. He was 66, and just a few months older than my dad. This has hit my dad very hard partially as he had gotten close to his brother in law in the past ten years, but also because they were so close in age.
A strange thing happened at the service. There was a Christmas tree in the back of the church, directly behind the alter. On it there were lace ornaments and on the lower right hand side, was a tree. The entire service the tree moved back and forth in a gentle fashion. None of the other ornaments moved at all. The branch it was on did not move either. I figured there must be an air duct near it somewhere. After the funeral, I was talking to two of my aunt's close friends and they brought up the ornament. What they told me was that after the service, while the family was on the way out, the ornament stopped moving. They asked the minister if there were any air ducts back there & he advised no. Sounds corny, but it is true.
He will be missed.
Ok, time to start getting more to the meat of this blog
I plan on using this as a way to filet my soul and come to terms with my search for who I am.
First, a little bio:
Born back in the dark ages, yes 1972, in Easley, South Carolina. A small, southern town with a population around seventeen thousand. It neighbors a larger city that I now live in, Greenville.
I have an older sister, (3 years older). She has been a big influence in my life. My father is a Dr & my mom stayed at home for most of my youth. We lived in a nice colonial style house built in 1900 for the first 11 years of my life. My parents spent most of their free time renovating it as it was a bit of a disaster when they bought it.
In the first grade I got into a little trouble see I had a math test, addition and subtraction. Well, I liked the addition part, and aced it, as for the subtraction, well I erased the questions. Fair enough right? lol, well that got me put into "remedial" class for about a quarter of the day. I was in the room with the kids that could not spell their own names and such. Lovely I know. I stayed in their through elementary school.
In the second grade, my teacher was also my Sunday school teacher Oh joy! I was placed in a refrigerator box in the front of the class, so that I would not be a distraction to the other kids. (Wonder how much time she would get for that these days lol.) I also got my head stuck in my desk, but we will save that for another day.
In middle school I was in about 35% remedial classes. Keep in mind my I.Q. tested at 132. (Not that I put much stock in those tests.) My parents decided I was not getting the kind of help I needed and started looking for a private school. After a long search they found one in Atlanta GA, Dunwoody to be exact.
Now about ½ the students were there for the one on one classes and the other half was there for discipline problems and had been to several other schools. I started for the first and quickly became a poster boy for the latter.
Well, after years of testing I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, Attention Deficit with Hypo activity. A much less common diagnosis that it's ever popular hyperactive cousin. Well, with the help of a little Ritalin I went from Cs & Ds, to As & Bs.
Went to collage at a very nice private school here in South Carolina. One that enjoys stately reputation. All my life "my" goal was to go to college. Almost no thought was put into life after school and any sort of professional occupation. Thus with my Degree in Sociology, minors in Psychology and History, and around $3.50 I can get a coffee.
Bartended, some in college, some after. Met the wrong girl who I fell head over heals for who turned out to be none of the things she said she was. Of course, after 3 months we were engaged and after 6 we were married.
/sigh This is all for the first installment. More to come later.
I plan on using this as a way to filet my soul and come to terms with my search for who I am.
First, a little bio:
Born back in the dark ages, yes 1972, in Easley, South Carolina. A small, southern town with a population around seventeen thousand. It neighbors a larger city that I now live in, Greenville.
I have an older sister, (3 years older). She has been a big influence in my life. My father is a Dr & my mom stayed at home for most of my youth. We lived in a nice colonial style house built in 1900 for the first 11 years of my life. My parents spent most of their free time renovating it as it was a bit of a disaster when they bought it.
In the first grade I got into a little trouble see I had a math test, addition and subtraction. Well, I liked the addition part, and aced it, as for the subtraction, well I erased the questions. Fair enough right? lol, well that got me put into "remedial" class for about a quarter of the day. I was in the room with the kids that could not spell their own names and such. Lovely I know. I stayed in their through elementary school.
In the second grade, my teacher was also my Sunday school teacher Oh joy! I was placed in a refrigerator box in the front of the class, so that I would not be a distraction to the other kids. (Wonder how much time she would get for that these days lol.) I also got my head stuck in my desk, but we will save that for another day.
In middle school I was in about 35% remedial classes. Keep in mind my I.Q. tested at 132. (Not that I put much stock in those tests.) My parents decided I was not getting the kind of help I needed and started looking for a private school. After a long search they found one in Atlanta GA, Dunwoody to be exact.
Now about ½ the students were there for the one on one classes and the other half was there for discipline problems and had been to several other schools. I started for the first and quickly became a poster boy for the latter.
Well, after years of testing I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, Attention Deficit with Hypo activity. A much less common diagnosis that it's ever popular hyperactive cousin. Well, with the help of a little Ritalin I went from Cs & Ds, to As & Bs.
Went to collage at a very nice private school here in South Carolina. One that enjoys stately reputation. All my life "my" goal was to go to college. Almost no thought was put into life after school and any sort of professional occupation. Thus with my Degree in Sociology, minors in Psychology and History, and around $3.50 I can get a coffee.
Bartended, some in college, some after. Met the wrong girl who I fell head over heals for who turned out to be none of the things she said she was. Of course, after 3 months we were engaged and after 6 we were married.
/sigh This is all for the first installment. More to come later.
Ok, time for a little silliness. This is something I wrote at work late one night. It was a strange night and is evident by this:
(WARNING: Must be read with a stiff upper lip, and with an air of superiority.)
An Ode to the Mountain called Dew
Mountain Dew,
You know it is true,
How I love you so,
It's time for me to let it show.
When I can only open one eye,
It is you that I spy,
When I see your green can gleam,
I can only think of your caffeine.
Do not let it be said,
That you could not get me out of bed,
On a cold or warm day,
It matters not, is what I say.
For your can so cold,
Filled with liquid gold,
Sure you have Sodium Benzoate,
But hey, I'm awake
(WARNING: Must be read with a stiff upper lip, and with an air of superiority.)
An Ode to the Mountain called Dew
Mountain Dew,
You know it is true,
How I love you so,
It's time for me to let it show.
When I can only open one eye,
It is you that I spy,
When I see your green can gleam,
I can only think of your caffeine.
Do not let it be said,
That you could not get me out of bed,
On a cold or warm day,
It matters not, is what I say.
For your can so cold,
Filled with liquid gold,
Sure you have Sodium Benzoate,
But hey, I'm awake
Well, I earned a little inner peace in the past week. Long story short
On the other hand I guess it is a long story.
On the other hand I guess it is a long story.
Ok, I saw a commercial for some video game with "Mad World" (performed by Gary Jules on the Donnie Darko soundtrack) and I can not get the song out of my head.
Guess it's a good thing I like it.
If you ever hear a song in a commercial, movie, TV show, etcetera, etcetera, and can't figure out who is performing it, this is a great site.
ADtunes.com Forums
Oh, & Thomas says Hi.
Guess it's a good thing I like it.
If you ever hear a song in a commercial, movie, TV show, etcetera, etcetera, and can't figure out who is performing it, this is a great site.
ADtunes.com Forums
Oh, & Thomas says Hi.
Let's just start out with a few... Unfathomable Quotes
Pride is a monkey's uncle.
Failure is success's less popular brother.
The road to failure is often long.
Distraction is the devil's Trivial Pursuit.
Sorrow is joy once removed.
The beginning is the end in reverse.
When eating crow, remember to leave room for your foot.
Indifference is often due to a lack of concern.
When the devil dances, it is often a waltz.
Setting ones sights too high often causes one to stumble.
If you can remember your home phone number, you have a leg up on Einstein.
Ignorance is no friend of reason, but often makes its acquaintance.
Pain lasts only as long as we allow it, or until it decides to go, whichever comes first.
Truth never lies, as far as we know.
While dancing to the beat of your own drum, just keep in mind how difficult it is to play the drum and dance at the same time.
Pride is a monkey's uncle.
Failure is success's less popular brother.
The road to failure is often long.
Distraction is the devil's Trivial Pursuit.
Sorrow is joy once removed.
The beginning is the end in reverse.
When eating crow, remember to leave room for your foot.
Indifference is often due to a lack of concern.
When the devil dances, it is often a waltz.
Setting ones sights too high often causes one to stumble.
If you can remember your home phone number, you have a leg up on Einstein.
Ignorance is no friend of reason, but often makes its acquaintance.
Pain lasts only as long as we allow it, or until it decides to go, whichever comes first.
Truth never lies, as far as we know.
While dancing to the beat of your own drum, just keep in mind how difficult it is to play the drum and dance at the same time.
