The last couple of weeks ive been stopping in Arizona with my ex girlfriend Jenny and things with us havent really gone as planned. I blame myself for it really, i think im just bitter and expecting something that wasnt going to happen. It saddens me so much how things with us are so fucked up. I love her so so much and potentially i see us being best of friends but for wotever reason this hasnt happened. Neither of us are perfect but i know you dont love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.

I feel bitter towards her.Am i bitter because shes seeing other people? i dont think so. am i bitter because we never did the naughtys? maybe. Im i bitter because she has no feelings for me anymore? maybe. Is it a combo of the three? proberly. I feel like we can't really talk to each other the way we can. I dont feel myself around her. I want to be able to just chat and chat like i do with my other girly mates but i feel i cant. something wont let me. I got home in a couple of days and i am sad. maybe me comming to AZ was just too soon.

I feel like a cunt because i know she has life issues but i feel like i have let her down, i feel like im not supporting her like i can/should. If i really loved her like i say i do i would take it on the chin and simply be there for her and thats what ive not been doing and for that i hate myself. I'll never get over how ive treated her in the past but i guess the point will come when it doesnt bother me as much. im certain things between us at some point will be amazing and that time cant come soon enough i guess the saying nothing in this world worth having comes easy has some truth to it. I believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how it's supposed to be.

paull

my myspace

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Paull & James = cuntdivision.com be afraid.

Last week was good fun, Ren came down from Manc to visit for a few days so that was awesome. Apart from the cut arm and bruised shoulder she gave me while shouting 'im gonna throw up you cunt, get me the bin'



fun times

"As I walk around the Osaka Dome, I start to notice that even when people are waiting in line to play DS games such as Mario Kart, they are playing their own DSes. And it's not just children. It's their parents too, who are waiting too and playing their DSes, their own DSes. Playing the DS while waiting to play the DS_it's like out of a Dali painting. Utterly surreal."

Love it

hooked on WOW...



Merry Xmas!

At the weekend my friend Katz had a party last night, and i got drunk.

Big Brothers back on, what a bunch of fuckers this year.



Oh! And i got my new baby, The Sony Ericsson K750i. Rocks.

End.

rest in piece: Jason James Marshall.

I didnt really know you well but you seemed like a warm hearted gentleman. Sympathy goes out to Shameen. I'm sorry for your loss, i know how much he was to you. x

Sooooooooooooooo, I've been pretty busy boy of late, mainly working all day then comming home and playing Resident Evil 4 till the early hours 8)

For V'tines day and and my friend Katz wanted to do something different, so we decided that we would take a short road trip to Bradgate Park in Leicestershire. Basically it's a HUGE park which was once owned and lived on by Lady Jane Grey who was the queen of England for 9 days who got accused of treason and beheaded. Anyway.

To make the outing a little more exciting we decided to go when it was just starting to get dark, so we changed into our shit clothes, got a torch and headed down there. When we arrived the park was closed to cars so we moved in on foot, not knowing what danger lied ahead! haha.


freezing cold Paull! it was darn cold

We decided to go off road up the hills and make our way upto a monument which is at the peak of Bradgate Park and known as Old John. It started off fine until it got darker and darker and darker. I shit you not without the torch we could hardly see each other. What was a fun wee adventure was actually getting quite scary! Katz was freaking it but as i used to run around the park every Sunday as a lil' nipper with my parents pretending to be Link from The Legend of Zelda i pretty much knew the place like the back of my hand. Little did i know how disorienting the night can make things.


took this picture because it's a tree i used to hide inside of it when i was about 10

I wanting to make it to Old John so we continued up the hill, i shone the torch in the distance and saw something flash across the path in front of us, i didn't mention it to Katz as she was all ready crapping it. Little bit further and again something ran past us, however this time Katz saw it and clung to me like a fly to poo. We decided enough was enough as The Blair witch Project started to play in my head. We turned around only to see 3 sets of yellow eyes right in our path staring straight as us....we froze.

I slowing panned the beam of the torch and every which way i turned...eyes Back away slowly i whispered in her ear. We had stumbled into a massive herd of deer with some of the biggest anklers i have ever seen in my life. I swear they were mutant deer or something. I mean, yellow frigging eyes?! Now i know deers ain't usually agressive but i could see there young panicing at the sight of the torch. It was almost as if the deers were squaring upto us like a Chelsea fan would have if we had knocked his pint over while wearing a Arsenal shirt.

We kept our torch on the floor and slowly walked away with much relief. The feeling was brilliant. We thought we were home and dry but little did we realise that we were totally lost. We must have took a wrong turn! But where! It literally took us 2 hours to find our way out! Dodging all the deer while we did. Everywhere we turned these eyes! It was like an episode of scooby doo when they hid in a cuboard to get away from the badguy and to give you then sense of being in the dark all you saw were there eyes.


digital camera shot of the eyes

I'm a city boy and it was strange being up in the hills with nobody around, it really makes you think about reality. In some sense it takes you out of your life and puts you in this limbo world where you seem to be able to think about life and it seems as clear as glass. Things that usually take a lot of thought suddenly become oh so clear. You feel totally at one with everything around you. I can totally understand now when somebody says 'i need to get away to think about things' exactly what they mean, and next time i have a big decison to make i know what i'm going to do and i would urge anyone else to do the same.

Anyway after that we decided we deserved a beer so went to the pub and as it was valentines day we decided to be romantic and go to our local kebab shop and EAT IN. Yeah thats right. Our local Turk named Muzzi also offered to put some candles out for us and play some local turkish music for us to set the scene. Me's classy i's am. I got GCE's n everyfink.


yum yum i love eating chicken doner

After dinner we decided to take the romance one step further and went down Megabowl to play on the arcades! We beat all the chavs!


brooooooooom broooooooooom, i love Maximum Tune. And also owns all the scoreboard



In other news i pre-ordered my Nintendo DS and i'm ready for the Euro release. I had the chance to pick up a import one but i decided to wait a month because aparently some UK importers have been having problems with dead pixels and in this situation you can't send it back. Same situation with the Sony PSP, even though the Euro release has not even been set yet because of chip shortages and we talking may/june till release i'm still going to wait. I also know somebody who had a import PSP and had a problem with the 'broken square button' fault where the button is slightly off the sensor and with time becomes less and less responsive. I heard of other people having this problem too but not sure how common it is. Miffy?



Along with my DS i pre-ordered Mario DS and Wario Touched as the first games but im a bit of a import lover and also like getting get games asap so no doubt i'll be buying the rest of the games on-line. Been reading up on 'Another Code' on the DS and this is one of the games i'm looking forward to the most so far, one of first games i've seen that i feel does something different with the DS's duel touch screen and shows how potentially awesome the DS could become.



I just hope the US release date isnt too far away from the Japanese one of 24th Feb! I say US release because if i was to wait for the Euro one then i'd be waiting a lifetime! Saying that Nintendo seem to be doing a much better job with the DS than any other system console or handheld thats been released in Europe.

Theres some cool Another Code wallerpapers been put up on the website which can be found HERE.

I also saw that Lucasrts 'could' be bringing one of my all time favorite games to the DS. Monkey Island!!!

"You fight like a cow"

OH YEAH! My tattooist, Bugs is back in the UK in October for a week and i've managed to get some of his time when he's back to give me some more ink!!! Octobers a long time away but i'm still excited!

Anyway i've talked enough! Would of made sense saying all this other a few days instead of one big entry.

Paull xxx

I've been a good boy and updated my profile and added quite a lot of pictures to my picture album thing!

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Had an awsome new years, well what i can remeber of it. Was very very messy!!!

I took lots of pictures! woo!

I've uploaded a few too my picture thingy!



11th of Jan and i'm all ready for it...


Resident Evil 4

Yeah, yeah i know i don't really update and i'm quite mean how often i comment on peoples journals (even though i do read them) sorry.

Merry christmas everyone!!!!


Santapaull!

I'm so glad to get some time of over Christmas to recharge my batterys! I've been pretty drained on energy recently.

Last week was a wikkid one because my best friend and SG girl Ren was over from America for a short time to visit me! Even though it was only for a 3/4 days it was great to see her again after such a long time. We should of took more photos though! We always forget when she comes. Had a wikkid night out on the first Saturday she came. Me, Ren and my friend Simon went to a club in Leicester (OriginalFour) and before we went out drank lots of vodka in a very short period of time. Me and Ren spent the whole night on the podium shaking our thangs! We did some xmas shopping and she brought lots of clothes to take back stateside with her (after my approval of course. She can't dress herself)
*images the shocked look on Ren's face when she reads that part and no doubt muttered the words 'The cheeky bastard' to herself*

...Dammit i would post some pics up but didn't take them on my cam you will have to wait for her to put a few up!

Had my works xmas party too which was sooooooooooo messy. Went to and hired out a vodka bar called Revolution in Leicester. My boss Barrie Stephen set up a tab and made it a FREE BAR. The words free and vodka and a killer combo! messy messy...and eventful night!!! Scandal!

Xmas day went well, I got a digital cam i've been after so i been taking lots of pics:


Nik on the left, me in the middle and Simon on the right. We were at the bowling alley playing on the arcade like good little geeks and saw one of these cheesy machines!


Me bowling from behind. I've had a little white streek put in the back of my hair. It's abit too camp though. Oh and i'm not very good at bowling


Check out my new pants!!!!! The make me fly. I got them from H&M in the Bullring.
Speaking of H&M has anyone seem/got any of the Karl Lagerfeld male suits from there? So sexy. They fit like a Gucci.


I was playing with my phone xmas day Check out my phone! wooo. I didn't put the southern comfort there too try be cool or anything, hehe. I don't even like Whisky...It makes me projectile vomit

In other news i think i'm addicted too the arcade game Wangen Midnight: Maximum Tune I can't stop playing it! I've completed it once and i'm on my second time round now. My cars getting wikkid now 8) i'm such a geek.

Heres my card:

Alot of arcade games are having these cards now. You basically insert it everytime you play so you can continue. Amazing idea. I hear Tekken 5 is going to use this system too.

People always say that my friend Katz looks like Lucy Liu, and i never really saw it until i looked at this picture of Lucy and a pic i took with my cam phone of me and Katz:

What you think?

Oh and i'm really into Pirates at the minute! And i'm planning my new pirate tattoo Got some good ideas so far.

I hope this big update somewhat makes up for lack of updates?

Paull x

Hiiiiiii, i'm back ok SG. My alias on here used to simply be 'Paull'

I've been so busy. This is my first day off in 14days, it's all been a bit crazy but all working towards a great career so it's good Barrie Stephens took me to London with him last Sunday for this motivational course which was lectured by this guy called Leslie Spears (who owns Paul Mitchell) Really chick it was the most life changing thing ever. It was totally amazing. By the 2nd hour i was crying! It REALLY makes you respect life and people, you literally get out of bed motivated to work. It sounds impossible i know but i was doubtful myself before i heard him! Apart from this the Hotel was amazing. I'm not a rich guy in the first place so comming to a 5star hotel in London was 'wow' i felt rude using the toilet paper that was so carefully folded into triangles!

I've had my hair kinda cut into a really geeky style i love it! Will get more pics taken soon ive had about as much as i can of mullets *sigh* i'm liking the 40's styles of women at the minute. Anyway i'm talking crap. PEACE!

Paull x