soooo... let's say it's the future sometime.
there was a huge terrible plague and every person on earth died. except you. you're this guy. you wander the earth for years alone. just surviving, learning things that were left behind.
and then one day it turns out there's a woman who's still alive too. you guys are about the same age, she's mildly attractive. you don't have much in common except the overwhelming loneliness of believing you were the last person on earth. you join forces. you learn more about her. you fall madly in love. she is the only woman on earth and so she must be meant for you. you thrive on your differences. you learn from each other. with all the time in the world and only each other to share it with, you learn everything about each other. she makes you laugh. she makes you think about things you never imagined before. you are honest with her in a way that you never could be with people before. there is no one to mock you about the way you feel or think. there is only her, and the chance for complete understanding. she is your everything.
several years later the two of you come across another man. he's a bit younger. only a teenager when the plague hit. you must be the only three people left on earth. you and the woman bond with him. you learn quickly to live together and help each other survive, and cope.
and one day you see that they have fallen in love. she, and him. the only woman on earth has fallen from you and for someone else. the woman you loved so much but who was so different. the woman whose differences you loved so much. they haven't told you, but they will soon. they run off together. surely they are sleeping together. they are probably trying to protect you from the truth. how could she love someone else when you have shared so much?
you'll never find someone else. you are overcome with a kind of grief that you could not have begun to imagine in the world before.
should you kill them?
should you kill yourself?
should you leave and walk the earth alone?
could you stay with them and watch them together every day, knowing that of the two last men on earth, she chose him over you?
how can you live, knowing that you will always be so alone?
seasons will pass. you can travel the world. you can watch the sun rise from every place you've ever imagined. and you will always, always be alone.
there was a huge terrible plague and every person on earth died. except you. you're this guy. you wander the earth for years alone. just surviving, learning things that were left behind.
and then one day it turns out there's a woman who's still alive too. you guys are about the same age, she's mildly attractive. you don't have much in common except the overwhelming loneliness of believing you were the last person on earth. you join forces. you learn more about her. you fall madly in love. she is the only woman on earth and so she must be meant for you. you thrive on your differences. you learn from each other. with all the time in the world and only each other to share it with, you learn everything about each other. she makes you laugh. she makes you think about things you never imagined before. you are honest with her in a way that you never could be with people before. there is no one to mock you about the way you feel or think. there is only her, and the chance for complete understanding. she is your everything.
several years later the two of you come across another man. he's a bit younger. only a teenager when the plague hit. you must be the only three people left on earth. you and the woman bond with him. you learn quickly to live together and help each other survive, and cope.
and one day you see that they have fallen in love. she, and him. the only woman on earth has fallen from you and for someone else. the woman you loved so much but who was so different. the woman whose differences you loved so much. they haven't told you, but they will soon. they run off together. surely they are sleeping together. they are probably trying to protect you from the truth. how could she love someone else when you have shared so much?
you'll never find someone else. you are overcome with a kind of grief that you could not have begun to imagine in the world before.
should you kill them?
should you kill yourself?
should you leave and walk the earth alone?
could you stay with them and watch them together every day, knowing that of the two last men on earth, she chose him over you?
how can you live, knowing that you will always be so alone?
seasons will pass. you can travel the world. you can watch the sun rise from every place you've ever imagined. and you will always, always be alone.
i feel like a big piece of crap today.
i missed my shift at work due to some retardedness
and now i'm working till 11
and there's waaaay too much snot coming out of my face.
i don't like that at all.
i missed my shift at work due to some retardedness
and now i'm working till 11
and there's waaaay too much snot coming out of my face.
i don't like that at all.
there is a big hurt inside of me. and i can't get rid of it because i don't know what it is.
it smells something like the first crocuses coming up through the snow.
it smells something like the first crocuses coming up through the snow.
the past week...
zombie party. me and DogEye were crowned king and queen of zombie prom. hell yeah. this is way better than high school.
it worked out so well that we did it again for new year's, along with Felix and his lady. had an awesome time at the SG NYE party dancin it up and playing spin the bottle, before we were removed for bringing booze in.
but not to be thwarted, we headed to another party where some firecrackers were lit, some making out with lots of strangers was done. more dancing, more booze, and i got tits in my face at least twice.
work was hell the next day. coming down with something, on the busiest day of the year +the hangover. ugh.
called in sick yesterday. towards the eve: operation "convince my mom we're not perverts". she'll be visiting starting tomorrow. ALL of those dishes, the nastiness, the bondage equipment (the cross was really the big thing), anything obviously stolen, the vag on the fridge, the tit lady on top of the tv, all of the weed paraphenalia etc. makes ya feel so young, having to hide things from the parents again.
i hope it goes well... this is the first time she'll meet jake. she's still not over the breakup with mat and i'm afraid she never will be. she doesn't seem to understand that i know better than she does who is right for me. my life is about a hundred thousand times more exciting. i have real, awesome memories that are going to last forever. if nothing cool ever happened to me again, the last few months would make it all worth it.
jake is going in for tendon surgery this morning. i'm a bit worried. i know it won't be pleasant.
zombie party. me and DogEye were crowned king and queen of zombie prom. hell yeah. this is way better than high school.
it worked out so well that we did it again for new year's, along with Felix and his lady. had an awesome time at the SG NYE party dancin it up and playing spin the bottle, before we were removed for bringing booze in.
but not to be thwarted, we headed to another party where some firecrackers were lit, some making out with lots of strangers was done. more dancing, more booze, and i got tits in my face at least twice.
work was hell the next day. coming down with something, on the busiest day of the year +the hangover. ugh.
called in sick yesterday. towards the eve: operation "convince my mom we're not perverts". she'll be visiting starting tomorrow. ALL of those dishes, the nastiness, the bondage equipment (the cross was really the big thing), anything obviously stolen, the vag on the fridge, the tit lady on top of the tv, all of the weed paraphenalia etc. makes ya feel so young, having to hide things from the parents again.
i hope it goes well... this is the first time she'll meet jake. she's still not over the breakup with mat and i'm afraid she never will be. she doesn't seem to understand that i know better than she does who is right for me. my life is about a hundred thousand times more exciting. i have real, awesome memories that are going to last forever. if nothing cool ever happened to me again, the last few months would make it all worth it.
jake is going in for tendon surgery this morning. i'm a bit worried. i know it won't be pleasant.
i need projects. drawing and painting projects. canvas. if anybody has a spare sitting around that they feel like parting with...
*shrug* you never know.
why do i keep having these terrible dreams?
last night i was crying for days and shouting and shouting and hurting. it's amazing the duration of real pain you can experience in 20 minutes of dreaming. it can make you unsure about the whole rest of the day.
and also amazing the amount of beauty you can experience in a place where your mind has virtually none of the limits of the physical world.
*shrug* you never know.
why do i keep having these terrible dreams?
last night i was crying for days and shouting and shouting and hurting. it's amazing the duration of real pain you can experience in 20 minutes of dreaming. it can make you unsure about the whole rest of the day.
and also amazing the amount of beauty you can experience in a place where your mind has virtually none of the limits of the physical world.
