so over the next few days i will finish my first season as lead man for the bachelor. mostly it's been hectic and stressful. tomorrow is another big day full of work that isn't well planned or defined. i have a crew coming in at 8am, and i will spend much of the first few hours figuring out exactly what we will be doing. it's typical of how the days have been for me on this job, but it's not the way that they should be. i should have time to figure this stuff out beforehand, but key decisions were postponed, so i ended up with the short end of the stick.

then i decided that i would get my frustrations out by going to my buddy dave's warehouse and rocking!, but on the way there my new truck got a flat and i just had to get it towed home. so that added a little more frustration. i had to leave it on the street, and i hope they don't ticket it tomorrow (street sweeping - ugh). hopefully i will have the time to get the tire fixed or replaced on saturday or sunday, but i'm pretty worried that i won't.

on top of that i spent all my money on tools, trucks, and t-shirts on ebay, so now i'm stressed about money at the end of the job. just when i should feel like a millionaire. i tell ya, life ain't easy. at least i have a captain harlock shirt, though.

2004 is the year of kicking ass.

i just got an email telling me that there is going to be a new sg on the site named ash, so my name was changed to ash1. i think that sucks, so i changed it to evil-ash, but i might change it again later.

mistercthulhu?

i'm leaving town in two days. a friend or two from NYC will visit me in RI, so it won't be 2 weeks of just family, which would drive me completely nuts. maybe i'll go to swan point cemetary and hang out with lovecraft, since i've been reading a lot of him lately.

there isn't too much happening since i've been back from san francisco. i'm afraid i've spent a lot of time lately lurking around on this website, and not out doing things. that's all going to change, though, because i probably won't be visiting the porn site on my mom's computer, thanks.

yesterday i woke up on the floor of a hotel room and watched that awful ai movie until the other three dudes woke up. then me and dave ditched them and got in the car and drove to amoeba, where i bought:

venom - black metal (finally)

the ignition lp, which i've been looking for since i heard "anger means" on state of the nation

loretta lynne, which i shouldn't have to explain. she's fucking tough.

and the darkness, which i bought under the pressure of many recommendations from friends with respectable taste in music. they betrayed me.

after that we got some pasta and drove home, only the drive took 6 and a half hours, because i was in san francisco.

and fucking a, the flaming lips put on a great show.

tonight i went to see my friend play bass for a band called "the brian jonestown massacre." the music made me want to sit down, and before they left i went to go have mac and cheese with his girlfriend. after a big bowl of it, i really feel shitty, and i can't go to bed. it's too soon.

tomorrow i'm driving up to san francisco, because a buddy of mine is a roadie for the flaming lips, and they're playing up there. i've never seen them, or, at least not seen them playing, so i'd better go. i think they only have one more show in the states after this, at least until they finish another album.

november is insanity. i work on a tv show now. it's "the bachelor." sorry everybody. i also will be art director on a commercial and a short film, and will be contributing somehow to a documentary film. i'm also practicing with my friend robyn, who plays drums. rock music will never be the same.

i've felt like there hasn't been any big news worth reporting since halloween, so i've avoided writing anything in my journal for the past couple of weeks. mostly i go to dave young's warehouse and do a little bit of work there, then get bored and play video games until midnight, and come home and crash. it's been a little depressing, and the only thing that has been a ray of hope at all is completely top secret, although i feel like it wouldn't be too much of an indiscretion to say that it's band related.

last night, though, i went out with a fair sized group of friends to see dj pubes and shepard fairey (of obeygiant fame) play at "el carmen," and that was a real blast. i was designated, so i got to see some of my best friends get completely wasted and give up in the middle of hitting on girls.

fun.

disappointed that i wasn't going all out and building a spooky maze and having a crazy party, i went last night to help a rock star decorate his mansion for his party. sadly, it was mostly done when i got there, and so all i could do was move some stuff around and carve a couple of pumpkins. the first one i did was a complete travesty. it was no better than one that i would have done as a child. completely uninspired, but for the second one, death came ripping, and i rocked the crimson ghost so hard that somebody said to me, "are you an artist? because we are, and we couldn't do that from memory!" way to make me feel like a million spooky bucks, ladies!

okay, so it's been a long, long time since i've written in the old journal, but the truth is that i have not had internet access at all since i got back from europe, and a lack of transportation combined with lots of work kept me from getting everything i needed to get a dsl connection through my neighbor's phone line. (i don't have my own phone line in my apartment for some reason). anyway, i have it now and i've been lurking on sg for the past couple of days, and mostly moping because i was going to start a band with a friend of mine, and it sort of fell through. actually there's a lot more to it, which all goes into issues of self worth and fulfillment, but i'm not really in the mood right now to dredge up all that kind of stuff.

anyway, there's nothing on the horizon except halloween, and i'm not even sure what i'll be doing. at least i bought danzig cd's today.