You know there are a lot of things I wish I could talk about, but I’m scarred that people I know might read this blog. I’m pretty sure that no one actually reads this blog, but I’d be mighty embarrassed if someone I did know read this and saw me open up about what’s on my mind. I guess that’s what a blog should be for right? Me ranting and raving about whatever I want, just throwing it out there. To hell with who ever reads it. So, I’m going to do it. I’m going to expose, and potentially embarrass, myself.

…

Fuck it.

The thing on my mind right now if how pathetic I am. Why is it that I always find myself falling in love with any woman who shows me the slightest bit of kindness. Well, I guess love is a strong word for it. I dunno what the right word for it would be. It’s not lust. I just find myself moved in some way, and thinking that maybe they like me. Which of course it would seem that they do, but not in the way that I hope. I dunno, I guess I’m just a lost little boy who doesn’t understand how the real world works. Maybe I’m just going to be incapable of being friends with anyone of the opposite sex. Which I’ve heard is impossible to do. I just don’t know what it is. It’s everytime they laugh at a joke I make, or smile at me or give me a hug, I think “hey, they must like me right?” This isn’t healthy, because I always get my hopes up only to have them crushed. I’m just not turning out to be the type of person I thought I would be. I think that’s all I can write about it now. I’m sure this will come up again in the future, after all it’s ont on the internet now, and I can never take it back.

So, I watched a pretty good movie the other night called Watching the Detectives. It was a rom-com, which starred Cillian Murphy and Lucy Liu, who I think, made a great couple in the film. The movie is about a video store owner who specializes in cult/ hard to find/ old movies. Cillian Murphy’s character spends a lot of time watching movies and even setting up scenes in real life, just to watch them unfold and see people’s reactions. Then along comes Lucy Liu who is the quirky and adorable girl who doesn’t watch movies but instead chooses to lead a life of adventure doing what most of us only dream of doing. Needless to say it makes for a very interesting dynamic between the two. Personally I loved the film, especially Lucy Liu’s character Violet. She’s just the type of girl I would love to meet and fall in love with. She’s unpredictable, kind, goofy, funny and to be perfectly frank, really hot. Violet is the kind of girl who isn’t afraid to be her self and doesn’t pretend to be someone she isn’t just to get people to like her. Though she does pretend she to be someone she isn’t to have fun with people. She’s like a kind hearted version of Kate Winslet’s character from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, crazy in a good way. I guess that’s what I’m looking for in life, someone who just wants to have a good time and who can constantly keep me off balance without letting me fall. I’m not sure if such girls exist or if they’re simply a fantasy men seem to share. Honestly, it’s not even some sexual fantasy to be with a girl like that, or at least that isn’t the main drive behind wanting a woman like that. It’s to have some one that no matter what makes you smile when ever you see them, who never get’s complacent or boring, who surprises you at every turn and most importantly does it in a kind and up-lifting way. I know this is kinda cheesy, but it deals with an important issue for humans. No one wants to be alone, no matter how tough they act. I certainly don’t want to be alone, though I am perfectly content being alone at times and under certain circumstances I even prefer it. Any ways, I’m starting to lose focus here. The point of this is that the character, Violet, from Watching the Detectives is the kind of girl I hope to meet one day. If you haven’t seen it, you should check it out and you’ll soon see what I’m talking about.

There seems to be a mild epidemic going around. No, I’m not talking about swine flu, I’m talking about people who claim to understand the opposite sex and then proceed to pimp out their advice. The only problem is that they don’t understand the opposite sex at all. Lately it feels like a lot of women are coming out of the wood work claiming to understand all men and offering advice to desperate needy girls. There are a number of problems with this; at least that I can see. First of all, I’m not really sure there is a way to completely understand the opposite sex. I mean, men are fairly famous for admitting that they don’t understand women, why can’t women fess up to the same fact? Then there is the advice being given, these “writers” seems to think that they can narrow down the entire sex into an 800 word article. I’d hope that men are more unique then that and that each relationship a woman has with a man would be different from their last, or else there’s trouble on the horizon. I know that men are simple creatures, but sometimes the simplest things are the most difficult to understand. To top it off the women giving the advice seem to be talking about the kind of guys I’m not sure any woman would be happy in a relationship with. One article I almost looked at was on tips to get men from a notorious bachelor. Is that what women want? To land a guy who up till that point could muster up more commitment in a relationship then wearing a condom? No wonder women tend to think that all men are scum. I’m not saying that women are stupid and that’s why they can’t understand men. Women are just different from men. Hell, men are different from men. It’s just whenever I look at these things, I always end up thinking, “What the hell are they talking about.” I’m sure women think the same thing when they look at any article written by a guy on how to get women. If anything we should have men giving advice on men and women giving advice on women. However, if we did this the people giving the advice would need to put the egos of their sex aside and be honest. Otherwise we’d just end up with the same of cliché fluff pieces. You know, advice like, “just listen to her”, or “give him lot’s of space.” Which sure might be true sometimes, but often enough isn’t the solution to every problem in a relationship. It’s time to accept that no one knows what they’re talking about when it comes to the opposite sex. We’re too complicated to come up with a formula of right or wrong things to do. Hell, I say just wing it and maybe things will end up OK in the end, because that’s all you can really hope for in this life.

Ok, so I kinda have a question for everyone. There is this girl that I think I might really like. I phrase it that way because I don't know her really well, but from what I know she seems great. As some of you might have ready a dream inspired me to try to get to know her better, but that's neither here nor there right now. Here is the problem, I want to get together with her, but I don't see her that often (once every 4 or 5 months). She's a friend of mine on facebook and I've talked to her once or twice online. Now, would it seem weird or creepy if I asked her if she wanted to do something (I was thinking of asking her to Halloween Horror Nights). Or should I wait until the next time I can see her face to face? Should I try to become friends with her first or just go for it? I've only been in one relationship before which lasted way to long (seven years) and ended with me getting my heart broken. I just don't want to screw things up before things eve get started.

A new complication has arisen in my quest to follow a dream I had recently. The company I write comic books for has decided to make me a board member and has sent me a contract that is ridiculous. I mean, it’s very fair to them. They get to stand over me like slave drivers and I get pretty much nothing for it. Normally, I would probably just tell them to go to hell. However, the girl I like is a colorist for them and I don’t want to blow my chances of ever really getting to know her, at least not yet. I actually got up the nerve to talk to her a little over facebook chat. It went fairly well, and now I’m going to wait a day or two before I IM her again. I don’t want to come off as desperate. In the mean time I’m torn about this contract, is it worth all of the work they are going to put me through just to have a chance to really get to know her and see if anything comes of it? I think the answer might have come to me last night when I was chatting with her, I was scared out of my mind that I would look like a loser and I had a knot in my stomach the whole time… But not a bad one.

So, I had a really pleasant dream last night. I dreamt that I was in love with a girl and it really brought back a nice feeling, one that I haven’t had for a long time. It wasn’t a sexual dream in any way; it was just amazing having some one to be intimate with, someone to hold and be excited to see. Any ways, the dream started when the girl kissed me, because she said, “I looked like I could use a kiss.” From there, we just fell in love. Now here’s the thing, I know the girl from my dream, just not very well. In fact, we’ve pretty much just had the passing each other in the hall sort of thing. She’s a colorist for the comic company I write for. I don’t know if this is my brain trying to tell me something or if it’s just some random neurons firing. The thing is I’ve only been in one over relationship in my life. It lasted seven years and she promptly broke my heart. That was about nine months ago. It could be that my brain is telling me that it’s time to move on, that I’m lonely and I need to try to find someone that I can be with. It’s not like I’m desperate, but I think it is something that would make my life better. Here’s my problem, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been to cons with this girl and hopefully I’ll go with her to the next con the company goes to, but that’s a long ways away. The other thing is that she is usually set up on the other side of the booth from me, so I’ve never really had a chance to talk to her. I know that she’s creative and passionate and always seems to have a smile on her face or is laughing at something someone has said to her. I guess what I’m looking for is some advice. Should I try to get to know her, maybe become friends before I make a move? Like I said, I’ve only had one other relationship (kinda pathetic), but I’m not very good at this stuff. I’m just afraid that she wont feel the same way about me and that it will get incredibly awkward at this company. What do you think?

Right now I've got a good 20 minutes to kill, so I thought I would try my hand at writing a quick blog. Well, here goes... Hmm, uh, well... I've got nothing. Oh, wait! OK. How about this, I'm still pretty much an amateur at this whole comic book think. This isn’t so bad since amature essentially means you’re doing something simply for the love of it. I kinda hope I continue to be like that for the rest of my life, but I'm sure success (if it ever comes) will corrupt me and blacken my soul. I'm rambling. What I really want to talk about is the vast number of series I've developed (approximately 20). Now, when I say develop, I don't mean simply jotting down a couple of ideas and a little doodle in the corner. I mean, I've written several issue for a few of them. Others just have character descriptions and issue out-lines. Well, I guess my real question is in regards to how much time and energy should I really be investing in all of them. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of them will never see the light of day and I'm not ever sure if any of them are any good. I enjoy working on them, but a writer without an artist is kinda useless (when it comes to comic books at least). So at what point should I say, "alright I've spent enough time on this, it's time to move on." Like I said, it's fun working on them, but writing 50 issues only to have nothing happen seems like a waste. I could always look at them as gaining valuable experience in writing, but still. It would be nice to gain experience from something really worth while. Not saying that these series aren't, but it would be working on projects with a definite future. Though, I guess no one really knows what's going to happen. Well, darn I'm just confusing my self more and more. I guess this blog was a bit of a bust, next time I'll try to gather my thoughts first. I would stay and fix it, but my class is starting. I guess I'll catch you guys later.

Boy, it’s been one of those weeks. First of all I started school again, which normally wouldn’t be such a big deal, but it turns out one of my teachers believe that the entire grade for the class should be based on two essay papers. So I’m a little nervous about that. The only other problem I’ve run into is the stupid financial aid department at my school. I’m supposed to have a lot more aid then they has me down for, so I’ve spend the past week being kicked around the switch boards. Normally I’d be fine, but I don’t even have enough money to buy the one book I need this semester and… I have a quiz on Thursday on the first 10 pages from the book. So, I’m in a bit of a pickle.

However, this isn’t even the biggest stressor in my life. As one or two of you might know I went to a convention last week and managed to meet up with everyone from the small publisher I write for. Turns out no one really knows what’s going on and everything seems messed up. Through out the day of people running around in circles like chickens with their heads chopped off, I slowly stepped up to the plate. By the end of the weekend I was some how put in charge of almost everything. Not only do I write the majority of the comics they are going to be launching soon, but now apparently I have to look over contracts before they are sent out, work our the calendar and decide on due dates, start writing a tri weekly blog and possibly a web comic for their website, and find every comic shop in the top fifty cities in the united states. Not to mention that I’m spear heading a number of promotional projects for the company. Needless to say it’s a tad bit stressful, but at the same time I love being this busy. It’s nice to know that I’m actually accomplishing something with my life. No longer do I spend my days on the couch waiting for inspiration, or something good to come on the TV. So, that’s good.

Now for a quick spoiler, my series Codename: Rover and Jill Savage Ninja for Hire are in talks to be picked up by What The Flux Comics and could be on comic store shelves by next spring. I know it’s a long time, but the wait should be worth it. As the negotiation progresses I’ll share more details with you.

Speaking of comic news, I should have a complete issue of S.O.A.R. done some time this month. I’m going to ship it off to a number of companies to see if they want to pick it up. If not I’m hopefully going to be self publishing the series. So, if you love zombie-like creatures and violence, you’ll love S.O.A.R.

I think that’s enough rambling for now, I should probably get back to reading about Luis Buñuel’s life. His autobiography is actually pretty interesting, then again surrealist often are. Good night and good luck.

First day of Mini Mega Con is done, and it didn't go quite as well as planned. While I did meet a few interesting people, I didn't sell nearly as many copies as I wanted to... Well, I sold 1. But still, tomorrow is another day and hopefully I'll get some more sales. But hey, I might have a review of my comics on www.projectfanboy.com soon. I talked to one of their reporters today and they took a copy of my comic with them to check out. Fingers crossed that I get a good review from them. In other news, I got the first couple of final pages for my comic S.O.A.R. (Special Operations and Rescue) today. They look beautiful and I can't wait to get the rest so I can send them off to publishers. Well, that's it for now. I hope everyone out there is doing well, and I'll talk to you soon.

Well, I've got some good news and a little bit of bad news. I guess I should start with the bad news; turns out I managed to break my ankle. Which means I wont be able to work for four weeks. This kind of sucks and it kinda doesn't. I wont have any income, but I also hate my job with a fiery passion. The best part is the Hyrdocodone they prescribed to me. It makes me happy.

Any ways, moving on to the good news. This coming weekend I'm going to be at the Mini Mega Con in Orlando, with What the Flux Comics to premier issue 0 of Outlaws and Concrete Dove. I'm the writer for Outlaws, so I'm especially excited about that. I'm also going to be selling my anthology The Red Set Volume 1 and The Red Set Volume 2, for $4 each. I only have about 28 copies of each, so if you're going make sure you stop by early. Even if you don't want to buy one, you should stop by to say Hi. I'm always up for making new friends.

In other news, next week I'm going to be sending a lot of submissions off to different comic books company. So, fingers crossed on that one. I'm also going to be talking to my bosses at What the Flux Comics about having them pick up some of my series.

P.S. If you want to buy a copy of The Red Sets, you can find them online at www.indyplanet.com.