Unrelated....a letter that never got sent.
I want to keep it short, and I want to above anything else be brief. You left a dark place inside of me that I never over came. The only thing worse than what you did to me was the life I lived in the shadow of your cruelty. Its not the innocence you stole nor is it the victory over my human frame, it was how I let such a short amount of time conquer every minute of my life.
I let you win, it wasn't with your hands, and it wasn't some magnetism, I let you win through complacency, I let you win through shame, avarice, and what I thought was necessity. How naive and idiotic I was, how trusting and mislead. I wanted to thank you for years, these years I lived guarded against everything and anyone. Nice safe years wrapped in the thick blanket of the misuse and the pain.
Not Covenant stories for once:
I want to thank you even more for the gifts you gave me. I never let anyone else in. As a result they where all just meat. You made the act of sex something mechanical and meager. For that I spent a life of unequaled sexual prowess I never took pride or joy in. I let you make a machine of me, where the blood ran it chilled through Ice water. Where the heart beat it was only carried by the rhythm of my own self destruction.
The friends I've pushed away, the lovers I left wronged and empty, the chance of a family I abandoned. They don't thank you, if they knew you they'd curse your name in the dark of night. Like I used to before I slept with your stench still stuck to my clothes. I'm not here for them, and I'm not here for you. I gave you my former years. I'm here to take the rest away from you.
See I figured out a way I could give you what you'd been looking for back then. The thing beyond just my mortal flesh. I'll give a soul, a Judas Goat, a sacrifice I'll gladly make to feed the hole inside of you. Something you can stuff down inside and live with for the rest of those golden years. I'll burn my self in effigy. I'll give birth to my self in the ashes.
I'll overcome you and I'll start to live a whole new life. You can have the cinders, the bloody remains of what I used to be, I'll give them to you with fond regard. I'll keep the strength you forced inside of me and I'll burn the pity and the shame. I'll leave the least of me and roast alive just the same. I'll live without the memories of you or surely die trying.
Because I finally get it, the one thing I never understood. The real reason for what someone like you does to someone like me. It's not really about the moment, it's all about eternity. People like you make a legacy, to be hip and trendy we'll call it the children of rape.
People like you need to live for ever in the hollow parts of someone like me. My best and ever lasting gift to my self from now on out is leaving your legacy behind. I'll take the metaphor in the mind but I'll sacrifice flesh as well. In earnest of being rid of you and a legacy of letting you live forever embedded in my skin.
I've spent a lifetime feeding on a steady diet of nothing and I'm finally wondering what all the colors of life are for. I've been willing to find out, and now I can't wait any longer. Come hell or high water, come what will and what will cum for me anymore. I'll spend the rest of my life letting the right ones in. I'll spend the rest of my new days, the first days of my new life out living you. I'll let your eternity die in the remnants of my self. I'll let you flail against the idea of my replacing of you and your everlasting.
You can die, die now inside of the remains of me. Die a death of the justice I can give my self, die a fair death in the victory I've made as I sift through the ashes of my self.
You think you had the best of me,
but fucking long live THE REST OF ME!
I want to keep it short, and I want to above anything else be brief. You left a dark place inside of me that I never over came. The only thing worse than what you did to me was the life I lived in the shadow of your cruelty. Its not the innocence you stole nor is it the victory over my human frame, it was how I let such a short amount of time conquer every minute of my life.
I let you win, it wasn't with your hands, and it wasn't some magnetism, I let you win through complacency, I let you win through shame, avarice, and what I thought was necessity. How naive and idiotic I was, how trusting and mislead. I wanted to thank you for years, these years I lived guarded against everything and anyone. Nice safe years wrapped in the thick blanket of the misuse and the pain.
Not Covenant stories for once:
I want to thank you even more for the gifts you gave me. I never let anyone else in. As a result they where all just meat. You made the act of sex something mechanical and meager. For that I spent a life of unequaled sexual prowess I never took pride or joy in. I let you make a machine of me, where the blood ran it chilled through Ice water. Where the heart beat it was only carried by the rhythm of my own self destruction.
The friends I've pushed away, the lovers I left wronged and empty, the chance of a family I abandoned. They don't thank you, if they knew you they'd curse your name in the dark of night. Like I used to before I slept with your stench still stuck to my clothes. I'm not here for them, and I'm not here for you. I gave you my former years. I'm here to take the rest away from you.
See I figured out a way I could give you what you'd been looking for back then. The thing beyond just my mortal flesh. I'll give a soul, a Judas Goat, a sacrifice I'll gladly make to feed the hole inside of you. Something you can stuff down inside and live with for the rest of those golden years. I'll burn my self in effigy. I'll give birth to my self in the ashes.
I'll overcome you and I'll start to live a whole new life. You can have the cinders, the bloody remains of what I used to be, I'll give them to you with fond regard. I'll keep the strength you forced inside of me and I'll burn the pity and the shame. I'll leave the least of me and roast alive just the same. I'll live without the memories of you or surely die trying.
Because I finally get it, the one thing I never understood. The real reason for what someone like you does to someone like me. It's not really about the moment, it's all about eternity. People like you make a legacy, to be hip and trendy we'll call it the children of rape.
People like you need to live for ever in the hollow parts of someone like me. My best and ever lasting gift to my self from now on out is leaving your legacy behind. I'll take the metaphor in the mind but I'll sacrifice flesh as well. In earnest of being rid of you and a legacy of letting you live forever embedded in my skin.
I've spent a lifetime feeding on a steady diet of nothing and I'm finally wondering what all the colors of life are for. I've been willing to find out, and now I can't wait any longer. Come hell or high water, come what will and what will cum for me anymore. I'll spend the rest of my life letting the right ones in. I'll spend the rest of my new days, the first days of my new life out living you. I'll let your eternity die in the remnants of my self. I'll let you flail against the idea of my replacing of you and your everlasting.
You can die, die now inside of the remains of me. Die a death of the justice I can give my self, die a fair death in the victory I've made as I sift through the ashes of my self.
You think you had the best of me,
but fucking long live THE REST OF ME!
