I hate feeling like i have absolutely no direction in life, but it's true.
I'm 23 years old, working at a restaurant where I make decent tips, living with my bf of 2 1/2 years who is wonderful. I have made some good friends in Columbus, and I'm enjoying the lone class that I'm taking this semester. I have the whole world in my wake, ready for my take off.
But I feel SO TRAPPED. Completely and utterly TRAPPED and chained down by my own fears. I want a new direction in life. I'm tired of being a waitress. I'm tired of being attached. I don't want to meander about in a state of near comatose, day after meaningless day just going through the motions. I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE.
That's why I spend so much time on this site. The pics are great, but more than anything I come here to read about people, strong and independent women, who are living the life that they want to live. To see life through the eyes of someone who is fearless and in control of their destiny, and to wish that I had that strength.
I always think about all I want to do, and it's always "someday." "Someday" I'll be able to afford to live on my own. "Someday" I will use my creativity to it's full potential. "Someday" I'll make a difference. FUCK why am I so scared to jump!? What is holding me back?? Fear of failure, the unknown, of my own power??
What the fuck is it that I want, anyway???
I'm 23 years old, working at a restaurant where I make decent tips, living with my bf of 2 1/2 years who is wonderful. I have made some good friends in Columbus, and I'm enjoying the lone class that I'm taking this semester. I have the whole world in my wake, ready for my take off.
But I feel SO TRAPPED. Completely and utterly TRAPPED and chained down by my own fears. I want a new direction in life. I'm tired of being a waitress. I'm tired of being attached. I don't want to meander about in a state of near comatose, day after meaningless day just going through the motions. I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE.
That's why I spend so much time on this site. The pics are great, but more than anything I come here to read about people, strong and independent women, who are living the life that they want to live. To see life through the eyes of someone who is fearless and in control of their destiny, and to wish that I had that strength.
I always think about all I want to do, and it's always "someday." "Someday" I'll be able to afford to live on my own. "Someday" I will use my creativity to it's full potential. "Someday" I'll make a difference. FUCK why am I so scared to jump!? What is holding me back?? Fear of failure, the unknown, of my own power??
What the fuck is it that I want, anyway???
I love the crunch of acorns under my feet in the fall.
I just really love autumn, I wish it lasted longer.
I've been trying to come up w/ a way to approach this new girl at work....she's got quite the attitude problem. 18 year old girls should not be telling people, especially those who are older than them with more experience at the job, how to do their work!! I know her a little bit outside of work, and she's not so bad.....just kinda pretentious, and a little annoying. But at work she transforms into bitchzilla on an ego trip. I think she's actually really insicure; she's always saying things that sound like she's just trying to "build" herself up. Either way, it's causing a lot of tension at work. It seems like she's trying to turn our humble little restaurant into a one woman show, and it's not flying with ANYONE. (And what kind of waitress brags about her tips to the other waitresses?? Way to start drama!!) Anyway, I think it's time I have a little talk with her....no one else seems to want to.
Other than that, all is well. We had a critique today on our most recent projects in my design class, and I'm happy that I got some good feedback on mine, because I hit a lot of snags and wanted to hurl the thing out the window into a fiery pit. (Since fiery pits are usually found right outside the window.) It really didn't turn out how I had hoped, but everyone else seemed to like it, so I guess it's not that bad. Put me in a good mood.
Hope everyone else is enjoying the fall weather.
I just really love autumn, I wish it lasted longer.I've been trying to come up w/ a way to approach this new girl at work....she's got quite the attitude problem. 18 year old girls should not be telling people, especially those who are older than them with more experience at the job, how to do their work!! I know her a little bit outside of work, and she's not so bad.....just kinda pretentious, and a little annoying. But at work she transforms into bitchzilla on an ego trip. I think she's actually really insicure; she's always saying things that sound like she's just trying to "build" herself up. Either way, it's causing a lot of tension at work. It seems like she's trying to turn our humble little restaurant into a one woman show, and it's not flying with ANYONE. (And what kind of waitress brags about her tips to the other waitresses?? Way to start drama!!) Anyway, I think it's time I have a little talk with her....no one else seems to want to.
Other than that, all is well. We had a critique today on our most recent projects in my design class, and I'm happy that I got some good feedback on mine, because I hit a lot of snags and wanted to hurl the thing out the window into a fiery pit. (Since fiery pits are usually found right outside the window.) It really didn't turn out how I had hoped, but everyone else seemed to like it, so I guess it's not that bad. Put me in a good mood.
Hope everyone else is enjoying the fall weather.
I took LSD for the first time this weekend.....
VERY interesting. That's all I've been able to come up with. I think I may have blown a fuse in my brain.
It was really fun when I went into work an hour and a half late the next day, without sleep, and still seeing little patterns of color every now and then. Haha. All in all a good experience though. I'm glad I tried it, though not sure if I'd do it again. I don't understand how people can do that shit all the time.
Unfortunately, after being up for 36 hours, I slept so well last night that I missed my class this morning. That's the second class I've missed out of about 9 so far....
I'm sure that if I explain to my teacher that I had been on psychidellic(sp?) drugs the night before she'll understand. She had to have been young and crazy once too, right??
What a responsible young lady I have become.
VERY interesting. That's all I've been able to come up with. I think I may have blown a fuse in my brain.
It was really fun when I went into work an hour and a half late the next day, without sleep, and still seeing little patterns of color every now and then. Haha. All in all a good experience though. I'm glad I tried it, though not sure if I'd do it again. I don't understand how people can do that shit all the time.
Unfortunately, after being up for 36 hours, I slept so well last night that I missed my class this morning. That's the second class I've missed out of about 9 so far....
I'm sure that if I explain to my teacher that I had been on psychidellic(sp?) drugs the night before she'll understand. She had to have been young and crazy once too, right??What a responsible young lady I have become.
I should have a computer by next week. Pray for me. Pray that my brother forgets that he is a procrastinator and actually puts the damn thing together. And then, maybe even internet access!!!!
And maybe, just maybe, a photoset. I've wanted to do a photoset since I was 18. I think I've gotten over my body hang-ups enough to do one.
Plus, I'm tired of letting things pass me by. Gotta grab life by the balls, no?
On another note, I'd just like to say that TOOL kicks ass and anyone who disagrees should see them live and then tell me that they didn't cream their pants from the orgasmic amount of sensory overload. Or at least from witnessing Maynard dance around shirtless swinging a cowboy hat around his head like some kind of drunk sorority girl on a mechanical bull. *drool*
The End.
And maybe, just maybe, a photoset. I've wanted to do a photoset since I was 18. I think I've gotten over my body hang-ups enough to do one.
Plus, I'm tired of letting things pass me by. Gotta grab life by the balls, no?
On another note, I'd just like to say that TOOL kicks ass and anyone who disagrees should see them live and then tell me that they didn't cream their pants from the orgasmic amount of sensory overload. Or at least from witnessing Maynard dance around shirtless swinging a cowboy hat around his head like some kind of drunk sorority girl on a mechanical bull. *drool*
The End.
Wow...this place has changed A LOT since the last time I was here. I don't have a computer, so I can't update much, and I think it's pretty lame that they put that little stab disguised as a compliment up there to bitch about me not updating. It's just so.....BLOGGY looking. I know I'm totally being resistant to change, but....wow this site looks pretty lame now. Too too fancy.
And seriously, what is there to be said since I know I won't update for who knows how long? Hopefully we'll be getting a computer soon, though...hopefully a lot of things will happen soon. Being poor is pretty crappy sometimes.
And seriously, what is there to be said since I know I won't update for who knows how long? Hopefully we'll be getting a computer soon, though...hopefully a lot of things will happen soon. Being poor is pretty crappy sometimes.
Wow...this place has changed A LOT since the last time I was here. I don't have a computer, so I can't update much, and I think it's pretty lame that they put that little stab disguised as a compliment up there to bitch about me not updating. It's just so.....BLOGGY looking. I know I'm totally being resistant to change, but....wow this site looks pretty lame now. Too too fancy.
And seriously, what is there to be said since I know I won't update for who knows how long? Hopefully we'll be getting a computer soon, though...hopefully a lot of things will happen soon. Being poor is pretty crappy sometimes.
And seriously, what is there to be said since I know I won't update for who knows how long? Hopefully we'll be getting a computer soon, though...hopefully a lot of things will happen soon. Being poor is pretty crappy sometimes.
Blah. I guess I may as well write something as long as I have computer access.
That was it.
That was it.
Today's probably not the best day for me to write. I'm in a very bad mood and can only think of negative things to say. It seems that whenever I'm feeling good about myself and life I can't get to a computer. Maybe someday I'll actually be able to afford a computer. Or laptop. A laptop would be cool. Nice and compact. Anyone have an extra laptop lying around?
Anyway, hopefully next time I'll have something worth writing about. Not that this page will ever meet human eyes other than mine...
Ciao.
Anyway, hopefully next time I'll have something worth writing about. Not that this page will ever meet human eyes other than mine...
Ciao.
I left this site about 2 months ago, and I come back because I am in need of human interaction. Even over the internet helps.
I'm in a new place, and although I live w/ my boyfriend and a close friend I feel totally alone. I have lived in a new city for 3 months now and still haven't made any friends. I work with a bunch of cool people, but do not feel included in their little bunch at all, and I spend every day either at work, asleep, or at home. I still love my boyfriend and I can tell him anything, but we don't get to see each other often because of our work schedules, and our other roomate, although someone I've known for years, is also male and sometimes hard to have any sort of emotional interaction with. I guess I just need a female companion, someone who actually likes to go places every now and then and socialize. So here I am again.
I've changed a lot. I've forgotten my passions and have become mute. And unfortunately, my access to the internet is far and between, and I won't be visiting this site much, either. But if anyone lives in the Columbus area and is interested in finding a friend, please contact me.
I'm in a new place, and although I live w/ my boyfriend and a close friend I feel totally alone. I have lived in a new city for 3 months now and still haven't made any friends. I work with a bunch of cool people, but do not feel included in their little bunch at all, and I spend every day either at work, asleep, or at home. I still love my boyfriend and I can tell him anything, but we don't get to see each other often because of our work schedules, and our other roomate, although someone I've known for years, is also male and sometimes hard to have any sort of emotional interaction with. I guess I just need a female companion, someone who actually likes to go places every now and then and socialize. So here I am again.
I've changed a lot. I've forgotten my passions and have become mute. And unfortunately, my access to the internet is far and between, and I won't be visiting this site much, either. But if anyone lives in the Columbus area and is interested in finding a friend, please contact me.
