Looky looky, I'm alive!
I even have pictures to prove it.
Photoshoot




(More in my Pics folder)
Vacation!














There's more. The vacay pics are from San Diego, but I was also in Phoenix and Portland. 'Twas all good fun.
Now I'm back to workin my ass off and doing school stuff. It's pretty sweet, actually.
Later
I even have pictures to prove it.
Photoshoot


(More in my Pics folder)
Vacation!







There's more. The vacay pics are from San Diego, but I was also in Phoenix and Portland. 'Twas all good fun.
Now I'm back to workin my ass off and doing school stuff. It's pretty sweet, actually.
Later
I'm in San Diego. Yay! I'm in the middle of my west coast extravaganza,which includes Phoenix (Sept. 3-7), San Diego (7-11), Portland (11-15), and then one last day in Phoenix (16..my birthday!) and then back to Ohio on the 17th. I definitely need this time to clear my head and get healthy, because I've been depressed and feeling like crap. I'm having an awesome time so far, and I will post lots of pic when I return.
Oh, and I'm getting a tattoo for my girl Elaine...a homage to my fallen homey. Love love love her.
Peace!
Oh, and I'm getting a tattoo for my girl Elaine...a homage to my fallen homey. Love love love her.
Peace!
Man....
I don't know what to say, do, think. I just don't know.
My best friend, Elaine, was found dead in her apartment yesterday. She took her own life.
She texted me last Monday, saying that she would be out of town for a couple days to try to clear her head, and that her phone would be off. She said not to worry.
A few days went by, and she never called or answered her phone. No one- not me, her parents, her boss, her friends, anyone- had heard from her, and we were all getting really worried. We all thought that maybe she was in the hospital again, but after collectively calling every hospital in town we knew that wasn't it. So I decided to stop by her apartment. Her car was there, so I went upstairs to her door. There was a big note that said, "Please do not disturb, thanx." I thought I heard water running inside, so i figured she was in the shower or something, and I thought it best to respect her wishes and not bother her. So I wrote her a letter, letting her know that we all loved her and hoped she was figuring things out and feeling better. I stuck it in her door and left. That was Monday.
Tuesday I got a call from her coworker (Kate) asking if I knew where she was, and I said no and told her about the note on her door. I had been feeling worse and worse about it, and Kate like it either. She said she was going to stop by her apartment after her shift and knock on the door. We hung up, and i called Elaine's mom. I told her all that I knew, and I was thinking of going over and busting Elaine's door down. She was worried sick and said "I think that's a good idea." After we hung up, my friend Sap who is staying with me walked in and said "I don't think we should wait any longer. We need to go to Elaine's." So we left. About 4 minutes away from her place, Kate calls me. Says she's gone. I'm like, I wonder where she went? And she tells me, "No Em, she passed away." WHAT? Kate and a friend had gone and knocked on Elaine's door, called for her, and when she didn't answer they went outside and climbed up the fire escape and into her window. She was in bed. Cold. Gone.
I still feel like this isn't real, like I'm telling a story about someone else's friend. I can't fucking believe it even as I'm writing it.
She had been really depressed for a couple of months...she and her bf broke up, which she was taking very hard, she had mountains of ridiculous debt that had accumulated over years of hospital bills, (she had crohns disease, not to mention other suicide attempts that had landed her in the hospital,) debt from school loans and classes she never finished, her car had been repossessed, she had to keep a shitty job that she hated only because it was the only place that would pay her under the table. (She couldn't accept paychecks because she couldn't open a checking account and her wages would all be garnished by the gov't.) I knew she was in a bad place, and she had become self destructive...drinking herself stupid, popping benedryl like candy, pretty much doing any other drug she could get her hands on. She lost like 15 lbs (which is a lot on a 5'0" frame,) and was smoking more cigarettes than ever before. But she kept saying that she was trying, trying, trying...trying to get better, to move on, to be happy. She really had all of us thinking that she was going to be ok, that this was just a phase she needed to get through. I did all I could to be there for her and make her smile, to let her know that I cared.
It's so weird...I can't believe I'll never get to talk to her again, or hear her laugh, or dance or cry. Actually, I don't think I ever did see her cry. I only knew her for about 2 years, but I loved her instantly. We worked at the same restaurant, and I remember the first day we worked together my coworker and I dared her to take her shirt off while she was cooking, in hopes to bring in some business. Girl just ripped her shirt off, with no bra on, and continued cooking! We all laughed our asses off. I knew then we would be great friends. And we were, and had so many good times together. The more I got to know her the more I loved everything about her.
She brought more joy to her friends and loved ones than she could have ever known. Even in her darkest times, she was always such a ray of light. I always told her that she was bright, like a star or a sunbeam.
She wasn't afraid of dying. She always told me she would die young, that she was ready to go anytime. I always hoped she was wrong.
Rest in peace, Joy Elaine Williams. You'll always be my bright little star.
I don't know what to say, do, think. I just don't know.
My best friend, Elaine, was found dead in her apartment yesterday. She took her own life.
She texted me last Monday, saying that she would be out of town for a couple days to try to clear her head, and that her phone would be off. She said not to worry.
A few days went by, and she never called or answered her phone. No one- not me, her parents, her boss, her friends, anyone- had heard from her, and we were all getting really worried. We all thought that maybe she was in the hospital again, but after collectively calling every hospital in town we knew that wasn't it. So I decided to stop by her apartment. Her car was there, so I went upstairs to her door. There was a big note that said, "Please do not disturb, thanx." I thought I heard water running inside, so i figured she was in the shower or something, and I thought it best to respect her wishes and not bother her. So I wrote her a letter, letting her know that we all loved her and hoped she was figuring things out and feeling better. I stuck it in her door and left. That was Monday.
Tuesday I got a call from her coworker (Kate) asking if I knew where she was, and I said no and told her about the note on her door. I had been feeling worse and worse about it, and Kate like it either. She said she was going to stop by her apartment after her shift and knock on the door. We hung up, and i called Elaine's mom. I told her all that I knew, and I was thinking of going over and busting Elaine's door down. She was worried sick and said "I think that's a good idea." After we hung up, my friend Sap who is staying with me walked in and said "I don't think we should wait any longer. We need to go to Elaine's." So we left. About 4 minutes away from her place, Kate calls me. Says she's gone. I'm like, I wonder where she went? And she tells me, "No Em, she passed away." WHAT? Kate and a friend had gone and knocked on Elaine's door, called for her, and when she didn't answer they went outside and climbed up the fire escape and into her window. She was in bed. Cold. Gone.
I still feel like this isn't real, like I'm telling a story about someone else's friend. I can't fucking believe it even as I'm writing it.
She had been really depressed for a couple of months...she and her bf broke up, which she was taking very hard, she had mountains of ridiculous debt that had accumulated over years of hospital bills, (she had crohns disease, not to mention other suicide attempts that had landed her in the hospital,) debt from school loans and classes she never finished, her car had been repossessed, she had to keep a shitty job that she hated only because it was the only place that would pay her under the table. (She couldn't accept paychecks because she couldn't open a checking account and her wages would all be garnished by the gov't.) I knew she was in a bad place, and she had become self destructive...drinking herself stupid, popping benedryl like candy, pretty much doing any other drug she could get her hands on. She lost like 15 lbs (which is a lot on a 5'0" frame,) and was smoking more cigarettes than ever before. But she kept saying that she was trying, trying, trying...trying to get better, to move on, to be happy. She really had all of us thinking that she was going to be ok, that this was just a phase she needed to get through. I did all I could to be there for her and make her smile, to let her know that I cared.
It's so weird...I can't believe I'll never get to talk to her again, or hear her laugh, or dance or cry. Actually, I don't think I ever did see her cry. I only knew her for about 2 years, but I loved her instantly. We worked at the same restaurant, and I remember the first day we worked together my coworker and I dared her to take her shirt off while she was cooking, in hopes to bring in some business. Girl just ripped her shirt off, with no bra on, and continued cooking! We all laughed our asses off. I knew then we would be great friends. And we were, and had so many good times together. The more I got to know her the more I loved everything about her.
She brought more joy to her friends and loved ones than she could have ever known. Even in her darkest times, she was always such a ray of light. I always told her that she was bright, like a star or a sunbeam.
She wasn't afraid of dying. She always told me she would die young, that she was ready to go anytime. I always hoped she was wrong.
Rest in peace, Joy Elaine Williams. You'll always be my bright little star.
Um...so I'm sick, and I'm about to change some stuff around in my life.
I know, exciting, right?
Oh, and I'm hoping to move to the status of "hopeful" on this here site soon...wish me luck.
I know, exciting, right?
Oh, and I'm hoping to move to the status of "hopeful" on this here site soon...wish me luck.
Word to this:
Oh, and I've been rather crabby and down in the dumps lately. I'll be back once I figure out what the hell is wrong with me.
~Em
Hello!! Thanks everyone for the hair comments...as predicted, I'm over it now.
I was in a really bad mood for the past week, and I was just feeling foggy-headed and grouchy and sad about everything, but then I said FUCK THAT! and I'm better now. I think I was smoking too much pot, and not sleeping enough, and feeling hormonal and weird. Plus, I've developed a dependency for this stuff called 5-HTP, which is a supplement that helps with mood support, and I didn't have any for three weeks and it threw my shit all out of whack. I can go a few days without it and be fine, but if I go too long my mood drops pretty drastically. I'm going to try taking it maybe every other day and gradually less and less, because I don't want to be too dependent on it, but honestly that stuff is a god(?)send. ANYWAY, so....um...I'm back to loving life, haha. Work was awesome last night, I reached a new all time $$ high in my stripping career, and it couldn't have come at a better time. It ain't always wine and roses, but man, I fucking love my job sometimes. It's so liberating to be able to use my strongest natural female power (SEX) in a positive way! I feel so, "I am woman, hear me roar!!" at work, lol. And why shouldn't I? I hate how society tries to make us feel ashamed about our sexuality as women. It's our greatest strength! (This revelation was all inspired by Pistolita's latest blog, I gotta give her props.)
Wow, my brain is all over the place when I have a coffee buzz. Wooo!!
I fucking love art. LOVE it. Here are some great examples.
(I may have posted this before. Oh well, it's awesome.)
Any John Lennon fans out there? Check out this amazing beauty:
Oh shit! I almost forgot to post a new strange creature...actually, I'll do it next time. I gots shit to do.
Time to get out and enjoy the sunshine, peace!
Wow, my brain is all over the place when I have a coffee buzz. Wooo!!
I fucking love art. LOVE it. Here are some great examples.
(I may have posted this before. Oh well, it's awesome.)
Any John Lennon fans out there? Check out this amazing beauty:
Oh shit! I almost forgot to post a new strange creature...actually, I'll do it next time. I gots shit to do.
Time to get out and enjoy the sunshine, peace!
Alright, prepare for a rant....
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
Ok, I'm not usually a very superficial person. I don't care about having lots of stuff or expensive clothes or anything like that. But, I have become very particular about my hair as of late. Why? Because, as a stripper, my appearance is very important, and as a general rule guys at stripclubs prefer girls with long hair. (I've asked around, and that's what I've found.) I like having my hair short for now, but I've been trying to grow it out juuust a little for said reasons. I let it go for a couple months, and it grew into this sexy, shaggy bob thing with nice full bangs that I could either wear to the side or hanging over my eyes. I got a lot of compliments on it. But, it was starting to get a little too unruly and hard to style, so I decided to get it cut. Now here's my question....WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I EVER FIND A STYLIST TO CUT MY HAIR EXACTLY HOW I WANT!?!?!?!?! Every god damn time I go to the salon, it always ends up too short!! GAH!!! I came in with this pic of Posh:
I specifically told her that I wanted to keep my hair the same length (about the length of the pic,) and to just break up the layers and give my bangs a little more "piece-y"-ness. So what did I get?

WTF!?!? It's the same haircut I started with MONTHS ago that I've been TRYING to grow out!!! Don't get me wrong, it's CUTE, but it's not at all what I wanted. Of course, when she styled it it looked really nice, so i thought, "Well, it looks a little short, but it's alright." So I didn't say anything. But after I washed all the styling crap out of my hair and tried doing it myself, I realized that it's absolutely not alright. I mean, yeah, it is...cuz it's just hair...but fuck!! Why do I keep spending $30+ for something I don't want?? It's enough to drive me crazy!! And I've tried 3 different places now for the same haircut, and they've ALL gotten it wrong. Actually, they've all done pretty much the exact same thing. I fucking give up. I'm cutting my own damn hair from now on, because honestly, I KNOW I can do a better job because I HAVE. It's just really difficult.
BTW, I'm on my fucking period right now. Otherwise I can guarantee I wouldn't be freaking out this much. I could kill someone right now, hahaha. So ridiculous.
Fuck salons. End rant.
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
Ok, I'm not usually a very superficial person. I don't care about having lots of stuff or expensive clothes or anything like that. But, I have become very particular about my hair as of late. Why? Because, as a stripper, my appearance is very important, and as a general rule guys at stripclubs prefer girls with long hair. (I've asked around, and that's what I've found.) I like having my hair short for now, but I've been trying to grow it out juuust a little for said reasons. I let it go for a couple months, and it grew into this sexy, shaggy bob thing with nice full bangs that I could either wear to the side or hanging over my eyes. I got a lot of compliments on it. But, it was starting to get a little too unruly and hard to style, so I decided to get it cut. Now here's my question....WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I EVER FIND A STYLIST TO CUT MY HAIR EXACTLY HOW I WANT!?!?!?!?! Every god damn time I go to the salon, it always ends up too short!! GAH!!! I came in with this pic of Posh:


BTW, I'm on my fucking period right now. Otherwise I can guarantee I wouldn't be freaking out this much. I could kill someone right now, hahaha. So ridiculous.
Fuck salons. End rant.
Hey. So life is pretty great. That about sums it up.
Look at this funny creature!!
It's called an Angora rabbit. Ever worn an Angora sweater? They're suuuper soft. I used to have one and loved it but donated it once I learned where the nice fuzzies came from. (Wearing fur is GROSS, imo.) Here's what Wikipedia says about Angora rabbits:
"The Angora rabbit is a variety of domestic rabbit bred for its long, soft hair. The Angora is one of the oldest types of domestic rabbit, originating in Ankara, Turkey, along with the Angora cat and Angora goat. The rabbits were popular pets with French royalty in the mid 1700s, and spread to other parts of Europe by the end of the century. They first appeared in the United States in the early 1900s. They are bred largely for their long angora wool, which may be removed by shearing, Combing, or plucking (gently pulling loose wool)."
Well...that was actually kinda boring, hehe. But I think they're awesome anyway! I've got a lot more weird animals up my sleeve, but I'll save them for later.
I really want to go see Matisyahu tonight, but I can't afford a $25 ticket right now. It's sweet that he's in Columbus, though! Hopefully he'll be back. Here he is being awesome and stuff:
Aiight, that's all for now. Sayonara!
Look at this funny creature!!

It's called an Angora rabbit. Ever worn an Angora sweater? They're suuuper soft. I used to have one and loved it but donated it once I learned where the nice fuzzies came from. (Wearing fur is GROSS, imo.) Here's what Wikipedia says about Angora rabbits:
"The Angora rabbit is a variety of domestic rabbit bred for its long, soft hair. The Angora is one of the oldest types of domestic rabbit, originating in Ankara, Turkey, along with the Angora cat and Angora goat. The rabbits were popular pets with French royalty in the mid 1700s, and spread to other parts of Europe by the end of the century. They first appeared in the United States in the early 1900s. They are bred largely for their long angora wool, which may be removed by shearing, Combing, or plucking (gently pulling loose wool)."
Well...that was actually kinda boring, hehe. But I think they're awesome anyway! I've got a lot more weird animals up my sleeve, but I'll save them for later.
I really want to go see Matisyahu tonight, but I can't afford a $25 ticket right now. It's sweet that he's in Columbus, though! Hopefully he'll be back. Here he is being awesome and stuff:
Aiight, that's all for now. Sayonara!
Hello all. I've been without internet and phone for a few days. It has been strange but somewhat pleasant to be cut off from the world. But here I am again.
I finally started my new job last night. I had a lot of fun and made decent cash for a Monday night. The club is really nice, as are the girls and the staff. There's better music and more flexibility with our outfits and schedules. My last club was so restricting...you had to wear a dress and these nasty pasties that left a rash on your tits, which they charged $2 a pair for! It was cheaper to work there as far as paying fees and tips, (fyi, since strippers are considered private contractors we're usually required to give some money to the club, including a house fee and a percentage of each dance and such,) but they ripped me off so much with fines (fines come from being late or missing days and lots of other stupid shit,) that it wasn't worth it. Plus, it seems much easier to make money at this new club, so even though I'm paying more I'm still making more in the end. Them's the breaks, I guess...the nicer the club, the higher the fees. But it's worth it. I just have to get used to the spinning poles...
Um...what else....ah yes, I finally finished a book I've been reading off and on for the past year! It's called the Celestine Prophecy. Amazingly, as I got further and further into the book it greatly resembled a lot of my personal philosophies of what we, the human race, are doing here on earth. Our purpose if you will. I'd go into it but it's rather hard to explain, but I'll tell you that it has to do with evolution and where I think we're headed in those regards. But anyway, so I'm reading this book, and at the part where they explain this theory, MY theory, I couldn't help but laugh out loud! Because it's actually a very positive concept, and I find so much joy and maybe a little self satisfaction that millions of people have read this book and have hailed it as being so powerful and insightful, and that it has given them a new hope for mankind. How awesome is that? It's so cool to know that not only are there like minded people in the world but that more and more are being exposed to this information every day. Go to the library and check it out. (Haha, no this is not a paid advertisement.)
I have other cool shit going on but Pebbles is getting impatient and giving me her "C'mon, let's go outside!" look. Gotta go.
Oh, and I'm re-posting this:
There is a very sweet and beautiful girl on here named ROKKO who needs a lot of support right now. Go here to read about what happened. Please, even if you don't know her, send her some love and well wishes. She is a very special person. Thanks. kiss
Peace everyone!
I finally started my new job last night. I had a lot of fun and made decent cash for a Monday night. The club is really nice, as are the girls and the staff. There's better music and more flexibility with our outfits and schedules. My last club was so restricting...you had to wear a dress and these nasty pasties that left a rash on your tits, which they charged $2 a pair for! It was cheaper to work there as far as paying fees and tips, (fyi, since strippers are considered private contractors we're usually required to give some money to the club, including a house fee and a percentage of each dance and such,) but they ripped me off so much with fines (fines come from being late or missing days and lots of other stupid shit,) that it wasn't worth it. Plus, it seems much easier to make money at this new club, so even though I'm paying more I'm still making more in the end. Them's the breaks, I guess...the nicer the club, the higher the fees. But it's worth it. I just have to get used to the spinning poles...
Um...what else....ah yes, I finally finished a book I've been reading off and on for the past year! It's called the Celestine Prophecy. Amazingly, as I got further and further into the book it greatly resembled a lot of my personal philosophies of what we, the human race, are doing here on earth. Our purpose if you will. I'd go into it but it's rather hard to explain, but I'll tell you that it has to do with evolution and where I think we're headed in those regards. But anyway, so I'm reading this book, and at the part where they explain this theory, MY theory, I couldn't help but laugh out loud! Because it's actually a very positive concept, and I find so much joy and maybe a little self satisfaction that millions of people have read this book and have hailed it as being so powerful and insightful, and that it has given them a new hope for mankind. How awesome is that? It's so cool to know that not only are there like minded people in the world but that more and more are being exposed to this information every day. Go to the library and check it out. (Haha, no this is not a paid advertisement.)
I have other cool shit going on but Pebbles is getting impatient and giving me her "C'mon, let's go outside!" look. Gotta go.
Oh, and I'm re-posting this:
There is a very sweet and beautiful girl on here named ROKKO who needs a lot of support right now. Go here to read about what happened. Please, even if you don't know her, send her some love and well wishes. She is a very special person. Thanks. kiss
Peace everyone!
OCTOBER 2008
SEPTEMBER 2008


