Now, before we jump to conclusions people, I swear I'm not that weird of a guy... Alright, I might be a bit weird, but I'm okay with that. Recently, due to boredom, and running out of weed to smoke, actually more so the latter, I've found myself having a conversation with myself, but envisioning the other "myself" as a celebrity. Don't worry, it get's weirder. These people include, Sandra Bullock, Mike Tyson, and Samuel L. Jackson. I kind of imagine that normally people run into a famous person, on a chance encounter, see them, freak out, then proceed to struggle to say, "ca.. ca.. can I ughh.. ya know.. like.. get your autograph?" By the second mumble this person signing it must be saying to themselves, "Lord, please help this poor soul realize I am nothing different from them, except worth millions of dollars more." So I was scrolling through Huffington Post and saw a bunch of worthless entertainment junk pop up and said "Okay let's see... Who can I pretend to talk to?" (Again I would like to stress, I am not crazy. I think.)
So, Sandra Bullock, "why her?" you may ask, well like I said I came across this idea while on Huffington Post and the article was about her, so naturally she was the first person to pop into my head. So let's get this straight, I am not the biggest Sandra Bullock fan. I've never seen her in anything, except The Proposal with Ryan Reynold's, so let's just say we didn't have a great first impression. That movie was like, half a piece of shit. Fuck off, Ryan Reynolds. So that's the extent of my knowledge on the women. I imagined her as pretty humble. It was weird because I didn't recognize her at first. So we had a quick nice conversation before I buy her a drink. At which point I realize who I'm buying a drink for. Oh yeah I forgot to mention I envisioned running into her at a fancy bar, I'm drinking a scotch neat, she's drinking martini's, cause ya know she's rich and can afford a martini that's priced over 50 dollars. Anyways I figure out who I'm buying drinks for, and I laugh she laughs, and being as baked as I was, that's as far as I could get in a conversation without getting super paranoid so I just stopped. I thought it was pretty pleasant.
So Mike Tyson, what can I say about this guy, other than the fact it's Mike Fucking Tyson. I spent the whole time wondering whether or not he's gonna freak out and bite my ear off so I was watching what I said very carefully. I was dying to ask what the fuck is up with the face tattoo? I mean it's iconic and all but it looks like you passed out at a party and some artist drew some crazy shit on your face and you decided to roll with it. I don't know, not a fan myself. I guess, at least, it's not a crudely drawn penis. Anyways I don't even remember what me and Mr. Tyson talked about (I was really stoned, guys) so I can't say much except other than how scared shit-less I was of him. He looks like he could fuck up a motherfucker. I wonder if Mike Tyson actually has a pet Tiger? That would be fucking crazy.
Samuel L. Jackson was god damn hilarious. I pictured him talking like Jules from Pulp Fiction the whole time. Which has to be some of the best conversations, in movies, ever made. In fact I had us recreate the whole scene before the Kahuna Burger scene. The one where John Travolta compares the foot massages to sticking your tongue in a girl's "Holy of all Holies." It's my favorite in the movie, although just about every line in that movie is gold. Now all I wanna do is watch Pulp Fiction. I wonder if I got a copy of it somewhere. Oh right so, Sam was pretty chillen and again I don't know much about him other than he was Jules, he has the line "Get these motha fuckin' snakes, off this motha fuckin' plane!" from Snakes on a Plane, and he was Afro Samurai, which I've actually never seen. Oh yeah he was Nick Fury in the Avengers too, which I did not enjoy so we'll skip over that. But he just cracked jokes until I got bored and I just left. What did he even do before Pulp Fiction? I forgot to ask him.
Well that's it. Sorry it was lame but I'm trying to start writing as much as possible. Might get a career in it or something, I don't fuckin' know. Anyways. Peace out, I guess. I'm gonna go play Black Ops 2 Zombies. No, scratch that... Super Mario 64.