A couple months ago, the relationship I was in for over a year abruptly ended. I think I kinda wrote about it in a previous blog...Dear John text and all that. Skipping to the present I tried to be civil and asked if she wanted to watch a movie some time. She said now wouldn't be a very good time, so I asked why and pushed the question, knowing that there was more to it. When she left me with the lame ass excuse that she didn't want to be in a relationship, I became suspicious that it was just me she didn't want to be with and would rather be with some other guy who recently came into the picture. My digging got me my closure, but at a price. She confirmed she was seeing someone else and it wouldn't be "appropriate" for her to be around me. I pretty much let her have it. Told her that after all the time and effort I put into the relationship, that it was all based on lies and bullshit from her. All the "you couldn't get rid of me if you tried, because I love you too much" and "Out of all the guys I've been with, I love you the most" was fake. I know that maybe it was just her saying cutesy bullshit, but I listened and the words still echo in my head sometimes after a night of drinking. I didn't think I could hurt like this again...I've been pretty emotionally detached since my first relationship. That was a train wreck of teenage angst and hormones that really messed me up for a while....years in-fact. This doesn't help anyone's case for future relationships with me. I'm cynical by nature and this just reinforces it. I feel like I lived out a Stabbing Westward song. All I can do now is sit at work as I type this out and try to swallow the lump in my throat. The freezing rain outside is making my job pretty boring today, or I'd be occupied with that. I just needed to vent. I guess I got my closure...sad and furious closure that's going to make it hard for the next girl.
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