So I started getting hopeful.

since then 2 family members have died, not close family members but enough to see a decline in my dads mood (his cousin and his sister-in-laws dad are the ones that died so both people he was close to)

at this point I feel so helpless, so useless and like there's nothing in this world that is going well for me and hasn't for a long while

and then there's christmas, my least favourite time of the year at the best of times, but now it feels a 100 times worse