yeah this blows as of late. waste of time and money when there's better quality out there. So if my request goes through, this is the last you'll be hearing from me.

anyone know where I can get Ketamine in this town?

I am DYING for a new tattoo. I just want something. Possibly to finish my chest piece, or to get the gypsy head I've always wanted, start my sleeve, get the ship on my calf for my navy brother....

gimme money!! Ha. Starbuck's does not pay enough. Cause on top of wanting tattoos, I'd also love to replace my laptop and iPod that were stolen, I need all new clothes for work seeing as my current wardrobe is not starbucks appropriate now. Living at home helps to save money but I HATE not having my own space a lot of the time.

Got a new haircut, not at all what I asked him for. My normal stylist no longer does hair and now works for Albuquerque Public Schools or some bull shit. I was never told until I decided to finally go get my hair cut again. SO I used another guy at the same salon and as w/ most stylists I've run into, did not do what I asked for, what I brought pictures of, but instead did what ever the fuck he wanted. Fucking jackass. So it is now too short, and I'm considering shaving either part of it, or creating a mohawk out of it.

Also I am newly single. My guy really disappointed me in not being able to get his shit together and keep it that way. And it was made so fucking easy for him, but he just ad to fucking blow it. I'm extremely bummed, but trying not to think about it too much.

My friends are coming back from exchange in ... 9 days? So this whole end of the engagement break up thing should be made a lot easier. I asked them to bring me back a cute foreign boy. Wonder if they'll deliver...

My cat has been keeping me company mostly hahaha. He's kick ass. Like a little dog, follows me everywhere, has a once inch nubbin of a tail which he wags, always in my face, loves his belly rubbed, he's the coolest cat in hammer pant.

Unfortunately, I will not be posting many pictures for some time, as I am using my mom's computer and can't take up all her space. I really need my own computer again.

I WANT DRUGS.

Ketamine or Coke.

I've been clean and sober for 2 weeks and 4 days after a huge crack heroin binge that lasted for a couple months.



ugh

You'll get used to cranial niches. Smooths out neuro-transmitted glitches. You'll feel better when you cannot feel. We'll have such a fabulous time. Almost imitate a normal life. You'll feel better when you cannot feel
"Chemical, Chemical" Pretty Girls Make Graves

With these final Words I pull the switch We turn to dust Dust to dust My name's like the kiss of Death Then we embrace, we turn to dust With these final words I pull the switch We turn to dust. Dust to dust.
"Dust To Dust" The Misfits

Followed you home, crawled in your window. Cause life is a trip when you're psycho in love. And I know...
"You Can't Quite Me Baby" Queens Of The Stone Age

However far away, I will always love you. However long I stay, I will always love you, whatever words I say, I will always love you.
"Love Song" The Cure

I will burn for you, Feel pain for you. I will twist a knife and bleed my aching heart, And tear it apart. I will lie for you, Beg and steal for you, I will crawl on hands and knees until you see, You're just like me.
"I Would Die For You" Garbage

that I recognize your off-white lies, still, I lie beside you, and that's what really hurts.
"Inmates" The Good Life

Bleed for me I've bled for you. I'll dig the hole, and bow my head. To see you smile, I wish my death. Realms of fear they speak the truth. What has passed I hand to you
"Bleed For Me" Black Label Society

Those three words and It's back to the bottle again. I dont want to hurt anymore.
"Bottle" The Blakes

Your face it dances and it haunts me. Your laughter still ringing in my ears. I still find peices of your presence here. Even after all these years. Even if I live to be a hundred and two, I just dont think I'll ever get over you.
"I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You." Colin Hay

Dinner's getting cold, You haven't touched a thing. So what's it gonna be? I can hold out much longer than you. When it's steady I'm just acting out my roles. When you're ready I'll be walking out that door. And don't call me Pretty Baby anymore. Oh, foolish worker bee, I'm your fucking queen.
"The Radiator Hums" Cursive

There's a chance we can make it now, just listen to the rhythm of my heart.
"I Believe In A Thing Called Love" The Darkness

I really want you to sigh, never in tune just sigh.
"Just For Tonight You're Only Here To Know" The Distillers

I step right off the edge. Let the blood rush to my head. I'm going down to where the lucky ones have bled. I lift the veil up to reveal A fascination. And if you crave it then you know that you are injured.
"Love Is Paranoid" The Distillers

And later in a downstairs room she pulls her lover down in ecstacy but they can't make a sound. In case her mother might come down. Having fun. With violence for a fix, discovers teenage sex, tried shooting up for kicks.
"Kiss Me Deadly" Generation X

No I can't forget tomorrorow When I think of all my sorrows, When I had you there but then I let you go. And now it's only fair that I should let you know, What you should know
"Without You" Harry Nilsson

Bury it, I wont let you bury it. I wont let you smother it, I wont let you murder it.
"Time Is Running Out" Muse

In my life All I wanted Was the keeping Of someone like you As it turns out Deeper within me Love was twisted and pointed at you
"This Love" Pantera

I'm only a woman of flesh and bone And I wept much We all do I thought I might die alone But I had never met you So baby be good to me I've got nothing to give you, you see Except everything, everything, everything, everything All the good And the bad.
"I Never" Rilo Kiley

I wasn't looking for a jesus man. I wasn't looking for buddha. I wasn't looking for a common man And i wasn't looking for you, And that's for sure Could you be the one?
"The 1234" The Start

Without a warning it comes flying- And when it strikes my world changes, All reason left behind Without a warning it comes flying- And it's to late to resist it for my fate is sealed and I know... My heart's no longer mine.
"Cupid's Victim" Tiger Army

So far I still know who you are But now I wonder who I was...
"Perfect" The Smashing Pumpkins

Well i was wrong. It never lasts
"Modern Romance" Yeah Yeah Yeahs

secret track:
Baby I'm afraid of a lot of things
But
I aint scared of lovin you
Baby I know your afraid of a lot of things
But
Don't be scared of love

Cause
People will say all kinds of thing
That don't mean a damn to me
Cause all I see
Is what's in front of me
And that's you

Well, I've been dragged all over the place
I've taken hits time just don't erase
And baby i can see you've been fucked with too
But that don't mean your lovin days are through

Cause people will say all kinds of things
That don't mean a damn to me
Cause all I see
Is what's in front of me
And that's you

Well I maybe just be a fool
But I know you're just as cool
And cool kids
They belong together


HAHA Being E.M.O. toooootally pays off.

Does anyone know of a band, fronted by a woman who covers the Cure's LOVE SONG? She screams in it and I love it. Let me know where I can get this track!!!

le sigh



mmmmmmm muscles



I love this man.

*le sigh*

so I got laid in South Carolina this past weekend for the first time in MONTHS. Some really drunk but VERY cute Navy friend of my brothers. Who just got married which is why I was in Charleston. (my brother obviously) The sex sucked but he did put us up in a $400 a night four star hotel. It was fucking fancy and very funny to check into when it was so obvious why we were there. I had caught the bouquet and was carrying it around w/ me walking the streets w/ this guy, and everyone asked if we were married. hahah.

Charleston was really fucking hot and humid but very cool. I went into Gucci but it was under construction so there wasnt much to see or try on. I had an orgasm walking into Nordstrom and saw all the shoes. Of course I snagged a pair on sale. Also got some really cool jewelry from the street market.

My job.... hmmmm. Well it is better then my last one but I am getting really fucking sick of a few of the girls I work w/. It's like they can never chill the fuck out and nothing is ever their fault. But I am learning more, so I'll have to stick it out. But then some thing came in today that lifted my spirits. nay, some one. A very very very fucking cute and charming boy who works at the crematorium where we send all the animals who didn't make it. I think his name is Matthew. I really wish I had a pictures of him to post, I am not kidding when I say he's fucking adorable.

Semi good news, my parents are moving up here. Change i job plan for my dad. The military really sucks. He's just a private contractor for them, but they still control a lot of what he does. I say semi good, becasue (bad) who wants to live close to their parents in their 20's? but (good) I will have a place to eat and do laundry when I need to. And seeing as I am having some hard money times as of late, that would be good to have.

Just checked my account, I dont have enough to make rent. Much less electric and cable, and food for me and my 19 critters I live w/.

FUCK.

double FUCK.

anywho time to eat, watch TV and sleeeeeep. It's so funny having someone to sleep next to these days. He either sleeps too close to me and pushes me off the bed, or too close to my legs and I cant shift when I need to. or he lays above my head like a little doggie hat and steals my pillows. And he snores. I wuv him

awwwwwwww. I really wish I could somehow record my kittie's snors for you all to enjoy. She's so friggin adorable.

just wathced a few movies, loved Smokin Ace's, hated Snakes on a Plane, and the Good Shepard stopped somewhere in the middle and restarted after doing the whole pixilated bs for a few minutes.

thats al for the moment. Maybe update again today, who knows. Have to ap (its sunday, national nap day) and wash some gerbil cages. And injoy the adorableness that is my PhooPhoo kitty.

Sara Sleaze

The man I lost my virginity to just turned 27 on the 24th. Strangly tho I think it's weirder for me that hi's almost thrity, than it is for him. I miss that crazy fucker. He used to be on this site yurippitys.

So I have an interview at another animal hospital in albq this coming weekend. eeeeeeeeee I'm so fucing excited. This means (if I get the job) that I'll be moving back to albq before fucking september. I really want my old apartment back, lots of windows. Which was sort of my plan, cause by then I woul dhave 6 months experience being a "vet tech" (hard to be a tech w/o a degree or proper training) and a better chance at finding a place to work. But hopefully this place is desperate and will hire me w/ only two months expereicne!! haha. they have waaaayyy more stuff than the place where I work now. For fuck's sake, they have an endoscope! Something so basic yet, there is non in this lolely town of satan's asshle USA. pfffft

So that job should be way coller than what I am doing now. I'm also thinking of volunterring at the zoo, anyone else care to join in the fun?

on a side note, I apologize if there are typos and such, I just had the best orgasm in a very long time. Thank you so much Kristen for getting me that vibrator last christmas!!!

Speaking of sex, I met a boy last time I was in albq, my friends' new roommate. Dave. sooooo cute. He has these bedroom eyes and he can cook!! He just had his dick pierced twice so oral was as far as we got, but I am thinking this time he'll be ready for more, heehee. Never did it w/ a pierced guy. Head wasn't much different, just had to be gentler, which he seemed to like more anyway. But sex.... See i'm actually really small down there. I've gotten a lot of coments on it, and when I tell my partner how many have been before him, he is always shocked. "no way, you're too tight, you sure I'm not your first" haha. which I guess I like, but is a HUGE pain when the bigger guys come around. This one fucker, jesus. Some extremely flexible, firecroth marine who couldn't even get HIS hand to go all the way around it. Felt like I was loosing my virginity for the second time, only this time, I wasn't drunk. I finally had to tap out. not my first time havig to do so, but it was the first out of pain, and not pleasure that I couldn't even form words. So I "tapped out" haha.

It's a jacobs ladder, two of em, so I am wondering how much good it's going to do me. Considering I'm more of a clit girl, but also there is way more sensitivity on the top wall of the vagina. So the only way for the metal to effect there would be doggie style, and I can hardly handle that already. haha I'm such a wimp. a fucking fly crawls on my arm and I have an orgasm. It's a blessing and a curse.

anyway, I really should update more often, cause everytime I do I feel like I have a thousand things to say, but I don't want to write a fucking novel.

I gotta piss, later guys
Sara Sleaze