Been working a bit. Last week I hardly worked, but the week before was kinda hellish. It's all good. I need the money. I guess only 4 weeks of work left, so...I guess I should get as much work in as I can while I have the chance. I could probably use another job to pay the bills. I'm getting more and more used to working, so I could probably use this as a way to move into something more serious.

Going to have practice tomorrow. I hope we get some real stuff done. It just sorta felt a little wasted last time we had practice. I hope we come up with a new song though, that would be awesome.

I got me a job working at the Halloween Store. It's pretty cool. Nothing lame like a real job, and I get to wear whatever I want.

Been doing some band stuff. Been doing some recording with Kendra and John. John is pretty damn good at guitar and shit, Kendra is kinda...somewhat just there. She hasn't played anything, just sang. She's not very active in the stuff we've been working on, just giving her input on what is going on and stuff.

Matt and I have been recording stuff, some kick ass riffs, stuff for the song with Kendra and John. I just wish we could jam and kick some ass together instead of just me recording him. It's not quite as fun.

Jonathan wanted to get back into practice and I guess Ashley who was our singer got replaced with his friend Iran. She's a tiny little thing. Not tiny tiny, but smaller-ish. She definately wants to rock out and shit.

So far I've lost 50 lbs. from my stupid gall bladder. I'm glad to be rid of the fucker. I'm eating more though. Yay! I had some cake earlier. Good stuff. No pizza yet, or hamburgers. I did have bacon bits on a salad though. Yay for bacon bits.

I'm gonna get cut open and shit. Tomorrow I have a consultation to see what it is that should be done. Probably at my age I'll just have my gall bladder removed. Hopefully when I can move on with my life.

On top of that, my wrist hurts like hell. I can't really do much. Can't use it a whole lot on my laptop, can't play video games, can't play drums, can't even clean. So I'm taking it easy and hoping it will get better soon. I don't need anymore problems. I'm gonna be turning 23 this Saturday, seems like each of my birthdays is a problem in my health. They will be the death of me.

I'm radioactive. Yep, truly. I went in today to get my gall bladder scanned. Don't know what any of it means. I hope everything is ok with it. I just think it's cool that I'm radioactive. Hell yeah. I kick ass.

So, Lindsay was whining today cause she was reading her stupid magazine, and she read about Lost, that show she is absolutely obsessed about, and she read stuff that hasn't caught up to, so she was whining cause she "accidently" read about what she doesn' t know about.

Anyways, when she left, my brother thinks she really needs to get laid to make her more normal and not quite so pathetic.

Here's the problem.

Unfortunately, I've been told that she has had sex. No details, nothing like that, but she has admitted it to me.

By his reasoning, if she has had sex, which is supposed to make her normal, then she wouldn't be the way she is.

What do you do when the thing that is supposed to make you normal doesn't work?

Of course, this is his reasoning, and I really do not agree with what he says at times. It's just the point of she has had sex and his reasoning doesn't work.

Weird blog. I should write something more sane next time.

Not everything you feel should be known to others. I think that's how you hurt people. I find it somewhat necessary that lie to others. Not to the point of where you make them think you like them, but certain things shouldn't be said.

That's what tore the friendship apart between me and someone else. He wanted more honesty from me than I wanted to give, cause how I felt was hurtful. I thought his gf was annoying, unreasonable, overly sensitive, arrogant, and bossy. Not only that, but I was always the third wheel. I didn't want to share absolutely everything with her, I barely knew her. Her being around bothered me and was taking away from my friendship with him. But he didn't see it that way. I wanted us to be friends, his gf and me.

I had a though recently, one that I think would have shown him something. I should have gone to that wedding, because that would have shown I was a better friend to him than he was to me. But I'm glad I didn't, cause he is not the type of person I want in my life anymore.

After a year and a half, I still have thoughts about that. I doesn't affect me like it used to, but it was a major change in my life. He was like a brother to me, and I went to him for many things, and he did the same to me. But something about him being with her changed him, and I didn't want it.

He didn't support me being engaged to Antonet, I didn't support him getting married to her. There's no difference, because even though I was 16/17, he was still very young.

If I got married tomorrow, or even next year, I'd still think I'm young. I am. I'm only 22, I turn 23 in August. I still have a lot to do with my life, there's still fun to be had. I'm not ready to grow up. I'm not ready to settle down. I've taken on some responsibility, but that doesn't mean I'm maturing anymore than I would like.

They represented what I didn't want. Growing up, settling down, and closing off what other possibilities may happen. Getting married and settling down gives up your lease on life, and brings the burden of bills, going to work, and getting old. You have someone else to consider in your plans, plans that are limited when you want to do certain things.

If my band were to go on tour, would I want to leave a gf or wife behind? No. Would I want to wait until I was successful to finally have a significant other? No, but I don't want to be held back. I don't want to give up on the dream of playing music for a living. As my friend Kyle has gone through, girls will always be demanding of time and want to be put first. Maybe not the best thing to say on a site of girls posing. If I offend anyone, sorry.

So yeah. I won't give up on life and try to get things done as fast as possible. I don't want to get married or have kids until I am older. Possibly much older than those my age already doing that. I know a girl who is barely 21-22 and has two kids already. My ex has a 1 year old son and she turned 21 in March.

I'm in no rush for that stuff. I got plenty of time to do that later in life.

Here are some thoughts, but I won't post them on myspace cause the person this talks about is on my friends list and I don't want to upset him.

When push comes to shove, I will follow my band. Yes, I am in another band called Infinity Complex, but to me, that's not what I want to stay with all my life. It's good music, it's something I am willing to play, but it's not entirely who I am.

I am metal. I love Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold, Godsmack, and enjoy music like that. I want fast riffs, lyrics about death and shit. I want to use my double pedal and play fast, and just slam on my drums. More importantly, I want to hang out with my friends Matt and Oreo.

As long as I am able to, I will always be in a band with them. They are the ones who I want to go on tour with, write songs with, jam with, and just have fun. They are my kin, my peers, my comrades, my bandmates.

Sure, I'm in a band with Jonathan and Ashley. We've played music together, but when it comes to who we are, I'm not like them. To me, this is just a temporary gig, something to do, a way to pass the time, a way to keep my playing while my band, Shades of Grey, gets going and starts doing stuff.

Shades of Grey is just natural. There is no thought, no effort, and no fighting to figure things out. It flows, we just jam and write songs. The recording we did of Bunk, that was the first time I played that song. Yeah, you wouldn't think that if you heard it.

With Infinity Complex, it's not the same. I need to find my place, try not to step on anyone's toes, and do what Jonathan wants. I'm more like a session drummer, a hired hand to get some drum parts written for his songs. When we have practice, I put everyone into it, I don't hold myself back, but it's not me be completely honest.

I am Lars Ulrich, John Bonham, The Rev, Shannon Larkin, Kenny Aronoff, and all the other hard hitter metal guys out there.

Jonathan really enjoys having me around, really likes what I'm doing, and thinks I'm a very talented drummer. I appreciate that, but I will follow my band to where ever it goes. Shades of Grey is where I want to go. Infinity Complex is just a short trip.

I don't plan on staying in Infinity Complex forever. I'd be selling myself short and holding myself back. There just isn't enough room for me, for my playing, and just in the band. That band is Jonathan, his songs, his lyrics, his vision. I won't let myself be pushed aside.

Shades of Grey is all of us, Matt, Oreo, and myself. We play off each other. We are the biggest fans of each other. We are all the best and couldn't ask for more. I am in a band with 2 of the best guitar players ever. Matt is in a band with the best drummer ever. He's told me that himself. That is a friendship that can't be put together better. I love this band and the music we play. I couldn't ask for better people to be in a band with.

To me, Infinity Complex is expendable. There's no future in that band for me. Someday, I don't know when, it will die. It may continue, they might get a new drummer, and I hope it will, but there's nothing permanent in it for me, not when I already got what I want now.

I'm bored. I'm stuck eating chicken fried rice and drinking water. That's so damn boring. I want pizza, tacos, hamburgers, lasagna, roast beef and mashed potatoes and gravy. I want food! But my stomach is still upset from time to time. I'm trying to flush out my system and hope that it works.

Other than that, I'm bored. Kinda horny from time to time, but that's about it. I need to shower soon before I go to work. Get my check today, but I need to deposit a shit load of money and pay some bills. Had to quit a couple of websites I was signed up with, which was kind of depressing, but this one is damn good, and I should have lots of fun with it. I just need to meet some people.

So yeah. I think I know what I need to do for my bills. I just need more money so I can pay stuff off faster.

Good thing I don't have a gf, otherwise she'd get very upset with me not having money. But then again, I wouldn't be on here, and wouldn't need porn. If I do get a gf, I would leave this site, even though it's pretty damn cool.

Do I have any girls in mind? Not really. There's a cool girl I know named Deborah, very cool, very fun, awesome tits, but...we're a little too different. She likes nice happy music, while I like Metallica and Avenged Sevenfold. She likes sci-fi shows, while I can't wait to change the channel cause I watch them all the fucking time. But she does have nice tits.

The only single girl I know is Holly, but she's young, and she has things to go through in life. I still want to have fun, but....I don't know.

I think I need to make more friends on here. Well, make friends actually, I don't know anyone. I don't want to go to the newbie group cause that's so generic. I don't want generic, that's boring. I want someone to talk to that has the same interests as me and shit. That's how you make friends! That's the difference between friends and people you know.

So yeah. right now I'm bored, and kinda warm. Time to go take me a shower.

So, I've been kinda sick the past few days. Still don't know what it is, but it's weird. I'm fine if I don't eat anything beyond soup and crackers, but if I do, my stomach doesn't get upset, but I feel like I might puke.

Kinda fucked up. I don't know, I've just been avoiding eating if I can, which hasn't been much of a problem cause I don't feel hungry that often.

It's kinda fun not eating, cause I don't have to worry about what to eat, or if there isn't anything in the house that I want, or something. I just sorta exist and do whatever I want. I find I have more free time too cause I'm not using my time to eat. I had a bowl of soup and some crackers today, and I had to work today, but the rest of my time has been up to what I want to do.

I do miss eating, the flavors, the feeling of eating something, having something in my stomach, but I think having hunger pains is preferable to feeling like I'm gonna puke.

Which leads to the solution to my problem! If I eat something I shouldn't, the only thing I really need to do is burp! That is fucked up. I don't know why, but it seems to make me feel better. I can't just make myself burp, I have to let the burp come to me and stuff, relieve the pressure or something. I don't know, it's kinda like eating too much and then burping and feeling better.

So yeah, that's my life as of lately.

So, I write a lot of blogs....here's another

I think what makes this place so welcoming is that there aren't any dick heads in the groups that will make fun of you and shit. That's what keeps me out of other forums on other sites cause people just fucking suck. Here, you can talk about anything, and everyone is happy, and yeah!

I'm definately trying to get more out of this besides the pics. Don't get me wrong, there are some amazingly sexy and beautiful women on here. This is more of the type of place that I like. Cool people, punk, goth, rocker, whatever. None of that britney spears crap and whatever. No! Get some fucking balls and step up! Yeah!

Makes me want to go and pound the crap out of my drums it's so awesome here. Maybe tomorrow....