im sick. my friends bachlorette party is tonight. i am going to buy her a drink and then i am done. i am at work for 12 hours sick as fuck and i want to kill everyone. im sure there is a song that describes how i feel but i am too blah to find it..
i woke up to my son playing the piano this morning...he is 2. it was awesome...
maybe do some art this evening after party. supposed to hangout with ex...not baby daddy ex but ex before that..probably not a good idea. usually that just means we end up having sex. bad idea. must not do it...

Yeah I live in one of the 25 most dangerous neighborhoods in the US.

#15 Fort Worth don't tell me i'm not hood...
ill shank a fool
or sell you some fake crack
or pimp out some hooker


I love this town
When will my love affair with this city end?....

there is no god.

i went to an awesome show last night.
the first "band" was a kid who was 16. he had his guitar lying on the ground and started messing with his pedals and other noise producing equipment and then started playing the guitar with his teeth..he wasnt really playing notes..as this was a noise show, but he was really going at it and he broke 3 strings and they would hit him in the face and he was bleeding and he just kept on. then at one point he started humping his guitar. this kid is only 16. there were some kids there that he went to school with who were all staring at him like he was crazy. it was great. the second band sucked. and then came computer jesus refrigerator..they were spectacular. then i got DRUNK

Fucking debauchery. I told myself I wouldnt log on and I would get some sleep. I didnt get any sleep and I didnt log on. I wont tonight either, but I am going to get sleep. I am going to chug nyquil when i get home. 12 hr workday today. Ive had a total of 12 hours of sleep for the week. My account expires next month. It does. Just saying. I feel as though I should not renew. I will tho. I need a coffee and a slap in the face. I got new earrings they are dangly and make me feel womanly. Smexy. I hate when people cut themselves. I hate to see the open wounds. Keep that shit to yourself. If there is any love in me I won't let it show. If there is any love in me I wont let it grow. I'm angry. I dont really have any reason. Its beautiful outside. I think I may not be so blah if I could sleep at night. Possibly. So these gypsies keep coming into my work.
Yeah thats pretty much it.

I was downtown earlier today going to half price books with my son when we stopped at a light and there was a homeless man (althought the nicest dressed one i have seen in awhile) standing on the corner. There were actually 4 different homeless people asking for change at each light at our intersection. While sitting there 3 high school kids walked up to him, dressed as if they had just gotten out of church, and they were carrying a mcdonalds bag and drinks. The girl holding the food walked up to him and offered him the bag. He said something and the look on her face was priceless. "I can't believe I tried to do something nice for someone like you and you refused..." this is what I am sure she was thinking. Really though, if I was homeless and some self righteous religious kid came up to me offering me the lowest quality food as a way to make their day feel like they had greatly improved someone's life I would refuse as well. The kids looked so lost and confused as they looked around at one of the dirtier homeless people on a different corner, almost immediately I could see their faces change from dissapointed to scared. I will finish this thought/story later because right fucking now my shithead ex wont stop talking to me and I cant fucking write with his annoying bable in the back of my fucking head....AGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! What a god damned asshole....SHIT!

its been raining and thundering since early this morning.i love it. i hate that i am working. i hate the man with the glass eye...
to go out tonight or not to go out tonight?...this is the question..
SPAZM151 is playing..
mmmm stinky crust punk boys make my heart all a flutter....
fuck em. im staying in. going to attempt to sleep. maybe ill finsih a painting...probably should do that.

this is the jam.