i should be happy today. the healing of my injury has come to its end[thank dog!] but i am not. i was discharged from workman's comps therapy/doctor. no pain to my attention, maybe just some weird feelings but i feel i am good to go. and im hurting money wise, i know thats a road some people do in time of injuries but i am not putting myself in that category. just need to get back in the swing of things. though i will mention, the therapy wasnt quite up to what i do at work. they did the necessary for the muscle which i can feel total progress. so i am concerned of lifting mutliple packages at various weight and speed. as i said, i should be happy. ill be able to catch up on the things that need to get paid and whatnot, it is december. however, i think the stress has only begun. i have extreme hatred for my job and its idiot slaves. it is cause of them that this is now injury number 3 in my 7 years of busting my ass for them. i am a free spirit and speak my mind when needed but my temper can be my downfall. so as i think now, when i go there tonight, theyre going to shit themselves because i am unrestricted which they gain a sorter back. not to toot my own horn[everyone is replaceable] but i have been a sorter for 61/2 of my 7 years and im quite confident in my work and knowledge of it. but i fucking hate it. if they think im gonna go right back where i left, i think not. i am going to take my sweet fucking time. i dont need to go backwards. dealing with groin is a tender spot. and it definitely was a awkward/embarassing injury to deal with. and of course i did not want anything to happen to the "boys". and the fear of hernia, that would of meant surgery. anyway, there is some relief that i do not have to go therapy 3 times a week anymore. in this time, i believe it was a month and a week i dealt with this, my neuralgia definitely flared due to the aggravation of being injured. funny, cause i see that doctor also this week. i hate fucking doctors in general. sorry if i run off course, just in need of a rant. tonight should be one hell of a night to go back. since the holiday, they had 2 days of no service, thats means they have to catch up. not looking forward to it at all....
moving forward to the main source of my rant. it is peak time for any shipping business. more hours, more work, more bullshit. i really thought i would of been out of there by this peak season. and i can already see they are not giving my area the proper staff. so i will be on guard, for they will be trying to bang out as much as possible in such little time. my downfalls.. lack of motivation. i can talk myself into and out of things but my actions, well eh.. talk the talk but the walk not so much. and i hate it. i stride on being an individual. i get easily frustrated when someone mentions a job to me, i dont want to be like the rest of the neighborhood[mainly filled with electricians/carpenters, it seems thats the way out in this hood filled with addicts and drunks, it is a love, hate situation]. i regret not going to college. i know i can still go but do not want to use my employer to pay the half. i believe im here for better things. i hate the thought of living, doing something you dont want to or hate. "settling" because you have to survive. like as it mentioned to me countless times[i believe they hope i goto this level], to my cut hair and beard. this all might seem childish but i just dont get it why its a big deal in the world. i struggle with this and its probably why i havent gotten anywhere. we all have dreams, i dont want to give up on them, "settling". but i will be honest, it is hard majority of the time to do what i want because of the fear. in recent times i have realized how much i hoold back on myself. i never used to think twice. there are alot of negative sources around me that i believe that constantly haunt me. i am trying to just do.. do, do do. it is all about self satisfaction, right? in a way. [dont want to sound selfish cause i am far from it], youre the one that has to say, well today was an accomplishment. i dont have much positive forces, i think since i realize my problems, the hardest part is BEING the postive force. i always say "drop me off in Europe and im not coming back", that line just sounds so good to me. resembling a "get a way", a new everything. but back to reality. i need a way out of this hole of a job. i dont even care about taking a pay cut. i want to be happy. there is nothing new, nothing exicting to work there. i have to stop being afraid. since i am discharged, i need to get back into my normal routine. going to the gym, that i dearly missed, doing my vocal practices. and for real, i need to do. i apologized for a long rant, my life just isnt what i want it to be and im sick of feeling this way. well my head is starting to get empty, i guess i ranted it all out.. trying to think of some kind of high point to end this.. as always music is my life.. today i was drawn to this album by Death, "Human"

hope you all had a good Thanksgiving to all who celebrate! mine was good. we had a few more people to the table this year. my uncle, sister and nephew, so the house was full. i dont think my mom has made so much food in the past! plus my sister and uncle brought food also. mainly desserts. my day started of straightening up my dungeon[basement] to be representable incase my nephew wanted to play Xbox or whoever stopped over. i waited to get whatever i had to get done to have a drink. didnt take long actually. i stopped over my club to catch some football[i really dont follow sports much, rather watch hockey if i have to!]. so i got a good buzz there and also enlighened some "senses" so i was feeling mighty well and starving cause i purposely didnt eat anything all day. and i tore it up! they were looking at me as i kept filling my plate. i think my sister knew of my munchies haha. oh well, it was delicious! my mom always has a good Thanksgiving dinner. between the beer and food, i could of died! i was glued to the couch for awhile. it was also my nephews birthday, 14. i dont know where the time has gone! i figured i used my brain and creativity to make him a card more directed towards him. hes shy and going through a phase[i hope] which he just shows no interests at all, even just simply answering a question. i understand his age, i was there and i also like my alone time but you gotta be social, plus its your family! so i drew him up a card, consisting of the Xbox controller language X B Y A. and the inside a cartoon kid typing the letters in to get the outcome "Happy Birthday!". it was a joke for him since hes quiet and all he does is play xbox! he enjoyed it, laughed and of course he liked the present for his wallet! haha.


[i lost track of my blog cause i went upstairs to eat more turkey and catch a marathon of Whisker Wars lol]

uhm.. so yeah, after the family fiasco i went to a friends house that seems to be continuing a Thanksgiving gathering for the 2nd year. its fun and its a chance to get out of the neighborhood though it is a unsafer neighborhood but ive never had any problems. anyway, its all about seeing friends or just finally gettin the friends together with some food and booze. it was a good time. came home with more munchies and ate, ate, and ate haha. then coma. lol it was a good Thanksgiving!

not much has been really goin on lately. 2 days off from work, which i am enjoying a brew right now when i'd be working.. this did come in the mail a couple days ago..

Acid Witch! sick patch what i could not pass up! one of my favorite from death/doom metal.

in in my own creations..

Death! water base test print. quite satisfied with it, just need a fabric print.

other than that, thats all folks!

my mini Das Boot mug that i stole, shhhh

if you have the get a way car, i'll be your accomplice..


feeling the madness of days..

been tuning out to the amazing first record of PENTAGRAM

so for some reason i slept 12 hours from the time i came home from work last night til this morning. i guess my body needed it. as soon as i got home and sat down i was dippin. i was gonna go out and have a few drinks but i gave in to sleep. though i woke up with a headache, probably too much sleep. made me a pork roll on whole wheat muffin, eh was alright. and i watched The Real Ghostbusters cartoon! ohh, childhood memories, ha!.. im in the mood today, i can tell, haha! completely aggravated with life. fucking broke and just feel overwhelmed with so many thoughts. not being fully healed yet is causing me to be angry at every angle. i want do things but i dont want to damage myself. so, yeah.. happy happy joy joy. ohhh, take me awayyy, somewhere new!

i managed to get this print done. this is only a water base test. i have black canvas but it gives the images that faded pixely look that i dont like..

quite satisfied with it

cheers

i finally stopped procrastinating and got this block print done!

one of my favorite death metal bands. i just have to hope it prints successfully![crossing fingers].
it is a linoleum cut. i will post the finish product. my hands are kinda hurting from my carving tools. and i still have yet found material for patches. thats what i really want to do... my next project, i would like to do the The Joker patch from the original Batman. the patch The Jokers crew wears on the bomer coats. fucking awesome. im gonna try to find a better picture than this..

this is somewhat of where im trying to go but i'd rather get a image of the legit one from the movie..

happy friday everyone! it has been a long week, well it felt like it to me! i saw DEICIDE wednesday night for the first ever. and i have been listening to them since i was a young death metaler. it was quite the crowd i wasnt expecting. i dont understand it, the past death metal shows i have been to, its dead! where did the old death metal crowd?? every death metal show i went to would be packed. i swear the opening bands ranged from 17-21, not judging but they looked young as hell! it was a weird crowd, little disappointed about that. but whatever, i was gonna headbang no matter what! it was at the Trocadero and they had brought a mini bar downstairs which i have never seen. but it did work for my benefit cause i was close as shit. i have a few pics i will post, and i am pissed because if i had a better phone my pics would have came out great! i still have the original droid i want the iphone 5 but funds are low. i tried to take some video also, ill try to find the best sounding. for my first time, Deicide sounded fuckin amazing! and in the midst of all this, between going, coming from work and then to the show, it was raining, sleeting and snowing! it was insane. fucking freezing! but i managed to catch the bus quick after work, cant say the same for the way home. waited about an hour! argh! im predicting a bad winter!


at one point, im not quite sure what made Glen Benton talk about it but it was hilarious, i believe he was tryin to get people movin but he said somethin of this nature "just because ex wife number 2 is from here doesnt mean i hate you, just her...... big tits will make you do anything!" i was cracking up, i found it hilarious

the end


im not quite sure on how to upload a video inside a blog, so i guess i will attempt in my video tabby thingie lol

but heres me walking to the bus in the snow. even though its blurry i like it because it looks like i have a lions mayne, which suits me well since its my last name

this weather is fucking nuts. snowing already in Philly! October was warm, pretty much no fall, now straight into winter it seems. no wonder why im sick! well its slowly oozing outta me, but im better! and its suppose to be 60 degrees this weekend so they are calling as of now, you never know anymore. it is fucking cold out there! i had a doctors appointment this morning to get a new primary and of course make sure my injury is what the work doctor is saying[i have a groin strain for those havent read my previous blogs]... i treated myself to an Acid Witch patch yesterday since they said it would possibly be printer one time only, its sick! im saying i treated myself because the funds arent so good lately. and i splurged again on a DEICIDE ticket for tonight. i normally would have bought a ticket a long time ago but i wasnt sure if id be able to get off work and with the injury. but with the injury i am getting done work early so i will be able to go. i am excited. ive been listening to Deicide for yeeaaarrss and have never seen them live! i should be able to afford a drink or two, i hope haha! im pretty much going straight from work. i do not look forward to waiting for the bus in this weather. oh well, its worth it! speaking of the weather, it is driving my hair/scalp nuts! my hair is down to my ass basically. any time it gets cold it gets so dry and itchy! need help! haha. well thats all for now, if i can capture any of Deicide i will try to post, well i will anyway. i need a new phone!

Happy Halloween!! to all! hope everyone is safe and enjoying the Samhain. ignite the flame and give life to your pumpkins, the dead have come to visit..



i am bummed i have to work tonight, first night back since the storm. i know its gonna be bad. im hoping to get done early due to my injury. i would like celebrate Halloween in some kind of fashion. thinking of maybe dressing as a Zombie again and going out. i didnt goto the bank this morning for nothing! haha.

so the day has just been listening to all my favorites that are horror related. The Misfits, Samhain, Danzig, you know the essentials. a bit of doom, death metal, psychobilly. cant forget Rob/White Zombie. i didnt get watch any movies today due the time of my therapy. though American Horror Story comes on tonight, guess im gonna have to DVR it. here ar some tunes i tend to listen to this whole month. its almost rejuvenating to me for some reason. i get a bit more lively this holiday. everything im into is celebrated this month, what not to be excited for?!

last caress is my all time favorite, and the Misfits are what got me into singing, i once was in a cover band and of course this was our tune


i love this cover from White Zombie, gets me groovin



well thats all i can do for now, i am running a bit behind on getting ready for work. hope everyone enjoys Halloween!! be safe and have fun!! trick or treat!

hope who all were affected by Sandy are well and hopefully not dealing with tremendous damage. Philly didnt get much of what they were expecting. though the news has said 2, i believe, deaths from the storm. trees are down. i mainly heard the gusts of winds last night against the windows. it was quite cold this morning, i had to pick up medicine. the shore seems like a wreck. i saw the pics of the roller coaster in the ocean and last i heard the ferris wheel collapsed, not sure how true. but thats intense. so shes supposedly over, just showers on and off today and tomorrow. i got a phone call from work this morning, still shutting down. im glad! i feel like shit with this cold i have and still not back to normal with the groin strain. that means tomorrow will be a bad and long night at work. hoping not because i am on workers comp, theyre only allowed to work me minimum. i would like to enjoy somewhat of my Halloween, though i feel miserable. wish i had somewhere to go to celebrate! maybe ill just hit a bar up. i am disappointed my pumpkin never made to Halloween. the weather just ate it away. this Halloween definitely had a different vibe, which saddens me. i Love Halloween. before i forget. Happy Devils Night! or whatever you may call it, "Mischief Night". hope all is well with everyone and enjoy the festivities of Halloween!!

so the east coast is awaiting Sandy's arrival. it has been raining lightly on and off so far. suppose to get worse by tomorrow morning. heavy rain and winds. theyve already shut down schools and from what i last saw down the shore, NJ is already flooding. i am near the Deleware river but ive never seen it flood tremendously. it has before towards center city/south st. i dont think it'll reach. and usually when they broadcast big storms or hurricanes, we usually just get pounded with rain and wind. but you never know.. you can only wait and hope for the best. i can hope for my work to be closed and my therapy appointment to be canceled, that'd make my day..
not be a jinx or anything but this came to mind for some reason..


ive just been pounding the ears with black metal, death metal today. Spotify is a glorious invention!! feeling quite lazy and it feels like a sore throat is coming. really want this injury to heal because it is quite annoying and stopping me from doing things. no pain, just sore and uncomfortable. more awkward therapy this week, lovellyy. so yea thats whats up... bored bored bored..