"If you're going through Hell, KEEP GOING." - Winston Churchill. quote of the week. due to this older man at the gym. it was printed on his gym gear which i thought was weird but quite the motivation. custom maybe? it hasnt left my mind.

hope all is well.

so tiring looking at job post after job post after job post, day after day after day!! checking emails every so often, hoping the phone rings, argh! i know it isnt easy. its just frustrating cause everyday i feel sicker being at my current employer. i am tired of being in PAIN! physically and mentally. i dont like/didnt want to write a shitty blog but thats where my mind has been. even more discouraging are the posts you dont qualify for or no experience. i admit i have a shitty work background. i hate the fact that "warehouse" is my main background. i did sales for a very short time and it fucking blew. selling fish stunk![literally!].

a lot of "woulda, shoulda, coulda" thoughts...

recently i have said, fuck it, just throw yourself out there. so i put some resumes out there for "law firm office assistants", why not? i am very computer literate and im sure i can hustle for someone. its funny being on SG and all the people you talk to in different countries makes me wish i knew a language. i only received one reply from an employer, today actually. their posting did say "can speak fluent Chinese" because its some law firm in Chinatown, where im not sure but didnt think it would be much forced. todays email asked "could you speak Chinese", well i cant. so that makes me think thats out. but i much appreciate their reply. cause i hate when you get left in the dark even after many tries of contacting employers just to see if they received your application/resume. JUST TELL ME NO! haha but i am wondering if i shoud. i kind of want to and just be honest. you never know.. atleast there will be a answer..

and im sure my hairyness is not going to help me at all getting a job. long hair. beard. i have thought if it were to come to it and someone was willing to take me in, i would shave my beard. im sure i could get away with a ponytail or braid. and as desperate as i am, not this weekend but the following, March 31st is the Philadelphia Beard and Mustache Championship 2013. i am going and the ticket that i bought allows me to compete. im still undecided cause i know there a better beards out there than mine. but they have categories for all sorts of "full beard inches", which i could give a go. i kinda want to. its the 2nd Annual Championship, i never even knew there was a first one! so i am very interested. theres always a twist somewhere..

simply,
i wish something would go my way for once. i know I have to apply myself to get the things i want done. just feeling like this doesnt help.

hope you all are doing well

so i was at the bank this afternoon and there is this man that comes in frequently and usually the same time i am there. but he looks normal but disheveled not to a stinky point and also talks to himself. at first i always thought he had an ear piece cause he has a money bag like some business owners do for the commercial transfers. he never bothers anyone or does anything to harm himself or anyone around, he is just there to do his financial whatever. i will admit it does come off unnerving a bit cause you never know someone in that state in capable of. the woman in front of me kept her distance quite far. and of course peolpe give looks to see if you notice or if youre afraid. i am not. as i said ive seen him plenty of times. there was one occasion he complimented my Motorhead shirt and then he'll ramble back to who knows. so today he was almost next in line for the teller, then a man came up to him after he was done his business and put his hand on his back calmly but definitely startled the talkie talkie man, cause i wont call him "whacko". anyway, this man just tried to say "calm down, youre scaring everyone here" next, which i didnt expect he pulled his badge necklace out to the man, hes a cop. there was a bit of an uproar between the two but nothing physical, the cop was trying to settle everyones nerves in the bank. talkie talkie rambled something of "terrorists and his father was a cop" something about CIA. i did not catch on to the ramblings. finally the tellers stepped in, they know him and of course probably know more of his condition. in the end he does his business but of course still rambles and the cop left. the lady in front of me said "thank god, i was wondering if there was a cop or security here". i wasnt scared. to the point, am i a nut for thinking this situation was wrong? the man, talkie talkie, wasnt doing anything but "being" the condition and the out of nowhere cop kind of open the can of worms. i dont know, i just chuckled....

nothing really exciting going on in my life and i dont want to blog about the nonsense, other than that i splurged on the account in these few weeks.. hehe


the new DOWN LP! love this record and i had to have it on vinyl and it came with a shirt, FUCKETH THINE SELF! haha and of course the SG shirt i got some time ago.


my new favorite shirt! one my all time favorite movies ever! fucking love the Sally's eyes in terror!

does anyone believe in crystals? i became interested in them and starting reading on their individual properties. i was introduced through a bands posts on Facebook and Instragram, "HUNTRESS", wicked killer female fronted band! i bought some Lithium Quartz, it is a crystal that has aspects to the Aquarius, which i am. it seemed to suite me and figured what the heck..


ive been drawing more. trying to just free hand whatever my ideas are. i know im not the best but i enjoy it.

i wanted to be more elaborate with this but i noticed the paper wasnt the size i needed. the idea was to be in some form of a dungeon and she does a ritual. i found my pastels, which i am amateur at but i love the colors and how you can make things so realistic with them, especially in a flowers sense.

i started this the other day. i havent done a lino cut in some time and i was getting and itch to carve. so DOWN was next to add to my vest.


so yeah i have been more productive this week which is good. i am feeling better. if only i could cut out the main fortress of negativty, my job, id feel fucking great.

signing off,

from last night.

nothing can ever go simple/correctly in my life. fucking bummed.


album of the day. not necessarily the song titles but the aggression of this band is how ive been feeling. argh!!!

happy Valentine's day to all you ladies on SG!

simple little hearty rose i started yesterday, added the stem today.
i drew it for some family members and just for fun, i'd rather much use my creativity

and of course i had to make it more suitable to my taste, hehe!

so Happy Valentine's with my little roses! hope you all have a good day!

well my little birthday vacation has sadly come to an end, ugh.. i was beyond disgusted to go back to work last night. that wretched place was nowhere in my mind for over a week! what a wonderful feeling! and of course the never ending hunt to get out of that place is still on going. i really cant quit, due to money of course but i seriously dont want to be there or perform my job. its to that point. mental/physical torture.

home life has seemed to calm down. hopefully the madness of last week will not continue. it definitely did not help on my time off but things are a little better.

i guess i should tell a bit about my week. as i said i really had no plans. i just needed some time off from work and actually enjoy life and my birthday. the saturday before my birthday i drank a little bit in the neighborhood and then headed up myself to a friends bar where he bartends. always a good time and i enjoy that bar. i actually met up with an old friend of mine that i grew up with, we still hang now days time to time. glad i met someone, haha! so me, him and his girlfriend had some drinks at the bar, they ended up treating me! they wouldnt take my money. big thank you to him! we went back to his house for a few more and during the night he was telling me about how he got some Vinyl player hooked up to some system and wants to have a Vinyl party. he knows i collect and love my metal/music. so we listened to some records, drank and eventually it was time to hit the hay! i enjoyed that night, it was relaxed.

sunday, my actual birthday i met up with my sister here...

and i also spent alot of time coming here. for those its a part of uptown with the atmosphere of artists/individualism. a lot of small business and rock n roll/artsy stuff! cool bars, fun time! i would actually like to work in some shop up here!
so i met her, it is rare for me and her to be together. we clash alot! i think cause we are like-minded. we went to this bar Tattooed Moms, which i really enjoy cause of the atmosphere. like-minded people and music. we got a bit to eat and some drinks. she eventually went home cause she worked all day, so i walk down to my buddies bar again. hung there for awhile and then i went to other bar, The Ugly American which is the one thats a couple blocks down. met up with a friend and his girl, had a couple drinks. and then i headed down to a friends house for another few drinks while he was still awake. it was a good time!

mainly the drink of choice that week!
and i thought this tree beard dude was funny as i sat infront of it!


the rest of the week, nothing too exciting. either went to the bar myself or with a friend. me and friend went to Sugarhouse Casino and tried our luck. im not into gambling but i wanted to do something different and id rather be an old lady and play slots, haha! definitely not my scene.

ive had this idea of getting my left nostral pierced for awhile. only facial piercing i really wanted. if i had the cash i would of got some ink. so instead of procrastinating and thinking of consequences for once i just went and fuckin did it! and i really like it!

i suck at self shots! cant wait to be completely healed so i can put a ring in!

and that really concludes my little time off.

the Philly Tattoo Convention is this upcoming weekend. i plan on going on Saturday. itll be my first one. so maybe i will see some of you

hope everyone is enjoying their weekend! Friday kicked off my vacaton. though i am not going anywhere or doing anything special[wish i was]. just off from work and my Birthday is tomorrow!! nothing planned for that either. trying to get a gathering tonight to go out but my friends suck. i will probably end up going to a bar by myself. i do plan on goin out tomorrow also. sometimes i wish i had new friends, like some of you! hehe. home life makes not even wanna be here for my Birthday. not to be a downer but i have a reminder of how my/family life has changed. on my birthday, my father took a stroke, 7 years ago. i try not to think about it but since there has been some life of chaos in him lately its hard not to. but ANYWAY i dont want to focus on thats and drain myself of energry that doesnt need to be.

SO it snowed yesterday. definitely not a YAY! haha i am not a big fan of it. we didnt get much, just a few inches. and its fucking freezing!

my street..
my faces of winter..
before the snow

and BAM

you can tell i really like winter.. hehe

i decided to take my dog outside. he usually never walks with me for but this time he drug me to the park!


i couldnt get a good pic cause he wouldnt sit still!! haha hes a Westie..

i also got my hair trimmed. i hate going to Salons. i always feel like they cut more than what i say. my hair is probably going "yay health!"

so i sit here gettin dressed, gpondering what im going to do.. the Flyers are on.. none of my friends seems to want to answer phones, argghh.

some tunes of the day..

for DIME!

and my ADD of music has been attracted to this...

ill end up with this hilarious tune from Zakk Wylde

we're gonna have some FUN!... i hope

well i should start, i am feeling much better than my last blog. though its over staying its welcome! still some congestion and mucus which making me still have somewhat of a cough, ugh.. its been a lousy couple weeks. not much to blog about, plus i dont want to write a sappy blog because life hasnt been so great, but ill leave it at that.

im off from work this Friday and all of next week, winter vacation. which is in need! i need peace of mind but i dont see that happening even with home life but whatever. my body aches and i know what its from. and last night i wasnt even at work for me maybe 15 mins and i already cut my finger open and bled all over. thats what i get for when others dont show up on time to do their jobs, i have to suffer!

my Birthday is this upcoming Sunday[27th] and im not all that excited like i usually am. i have nothing planned. i am just glad i am not working, thats a gift there! im sure the usual drunkenness will take place.

i am not a big cake fan either but ive been looking online if there was such a thing as a Rice Krispie Treat cake cause i do love me some Rice Krispie Treats!

this looks mighty yummy with the fruit!

real winter finally came this week. its in the 20s. i hate winter! we got a small coating of snow last night. it has been a major set back on going to the gym. i really need to suck it up!

well i think thats all the sunshine(HA!) i got for now..

so ill be spending the weekend with an Upper Respiratory Infection. so far to seems to be great company. *coughs up a lung* my chest and throat feel like they want to squeeze every breath out of me. my ears feel like they want to explode especially the left cause supposedly it has fluid in it. fucking lovely. i guess its better than the flu thats going around also. i battled through work this week. wednesday is when it really hit. and not too mention i was way beyond over worked that night. i came home with a fever. no sleep that night. luckily got an appointment the next day in the afternoon and as much as i complain/despise about my job i still fucking went. im a fucking fool! i dont know how i was able to do my job, i felt completely out of it and coudnt stop coughing. thankly my coworker that has seniority over me let me leave first. no sleep again. so today i said fuck it, im not putting my body through hell for them and i get worse, so i took a sick day. only good thing of going in last night was i got my check. did my bank shit and picked up my medicine and had to put another in so ill pick that up tomorrow. i am exhausted. but for some reason im awake too. i want to watch a nice horror movie but ill probably pass out during it. though it sounds quite nice heh. i started antibiotics today, hopefully it kicks in quick. blaaahhh

home life.. well lets say for the past week or so has been anything but normal. but truthfully i dont know what normal is. just things going on that eat at my brain. it hasnt been a good week.

today for some reason i was into tryin to find doom/goth, dark symphonies/classical music. with clean vocals. would settle for instrumental also. didnt quite find what i wanted. anyone out there have any ideas??

on some kind of high note.. im new to the iPhone 5 and i still cant forget half the shit out haha! tryin to upload photos took me forever the other day. now i gotta figure out the WiFi thing cause it keeps giving me some alert about it.. i dont know ha.

well i hope all is well on your end, stay healthy!! have a couple beers for me!

just something i started. a bit of free hand but also i look up certain things on the net to get the detail cause my free hand is ehhhhh.. i know its nothin extravagant, just wanted to share.

i call it "Whispering Apparitions". i hope to get her to look ghostly. the title has been on my mind and its meant to be set to some kind of acoustic music. since i seem to have ADD of music and i practice different styles of singing. i love death metal vocals but also love the classic style of singing. so thats what im aiming at. i want to bring friends on it but i also havent signed up for the music school yet. i know ive been slacking and since i got some kind of cold, i havent gone anywhere. and im thinking maybe ill meet people more in tune with what im into. plus! i didnt know my sister got me a gift card to the place i am going to go. its for one lesson but i am going to continue. it was funny cause i thought she got me only a gift card to Blick Art Materials in the card for Xmas and i saw guitar strings so i was confused on the strings cause i dont play. so the other day i found out its what the place puts their gift cards in, haha. so there im kinda set but i wanna get over this cold and practice before i go.

anyway, this is the trace of the original so i can get her face to be exact. the mouth im not worried about yet cause i have to alter it inbetween the hands. i use transfer paper for that.


so thats what im doing. i wanted to get some image on paper for the name.

low note: this cold needs to go away! ugh