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Darkchylde's Collection of Arizona Photography
ALSO BIGGER BOOK AND CHEAPER. FOLLOW LINK BELOW.
BIGGER AND CHEAPER - CHECK IT OUT!
THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE BECAUSE I KNOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE GONE THROUGH THE SAME THING. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I vividly remember this day as if it was yesterday. I find this odd because most times I can't remember what I did yesterday, but this day I remember.
I was like seven or eight years old and my grandma lived in Windsor Locks at the time. It was a "safe" neighborhood and times were different then. All of us kids used to play outside and roam the neighborhood all day without adult supervision.
I don't remember who I was with that day but there was a neighbor who was around thirteen years old who had a cool shed in his backyard. He was also the neighborhood paperboy. I remember he had flaming red hair. All the kids in the neighborhood used to go to his house to play in his shed.
This shed was in his yard, set away from the main house. It was surrounded on three sides by woods and was located down a hill in his yard. It was painted blue but almost all of the paint had worn away through the years.
When you entered the shed you went down three wooden steps to get to the open area. The shed had a large open area and along the walls were your typical yard equipment. It was cool and damp inside which is why we liked to play there on hot summer days. The floor was concrete but had a dusting of dirt on it.
On this particular day, myself and two other kids (I believe they were probably my cousins, but I don't remember this clearly) went to the shed with the neighbor boy to play.
The neighbor wanted to play a "game" in the closet that was located in the shed. This closet was full of shelves and had one light bulb in it that was controlled by a switch that was outside the door. The other two kids I was with didn't want to play so they left. But myself, being the curious kid that I was, decided to stay.
The neighbor told me I could pick out a game in the game closet and followed me inside. At that point he shut the door behind us, turned to me, pulled out his penis and told me to touch it. My heart leapt in my throat and I told him no. He was standing between the door and me. When I said no he left the closet and shut the door behind him and turned off the light leaving me trapped. It was so dark in there that I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. I started to cry and pushed against the door but he was pushing against it from the other side so I could not get out. I was screaming for him to let me out but he said not until I agreed to play his game. I was so scared that I finally agreed. He opened the door and I ran out the door, across the shed floor to the stairs. As I ran up the stairs to the outside I heard him say that if I told anyone they wouldn't believe me. I ran all the way home, never once stopping to look back.
I never told anyone about the incident because all the adults in my family always talked about what a great kid he was so I really believed that they wouldn't believe me. The worst part was that I still had to see him whenever I went to grandma's house and it always brought back awful memories.
I believe that I finally told my mother about it around twenty years later because even though I had forgotten the incident for so many years, it just popped into my head one day during therapy. I don't remember what my mother said about the incident but it was good to finally get the information off my chest.
I vividly remember this day as if it was yesterday. I find this odd because most times I can't remember what I did yesterday, but this day I remember.
I was like seven or eight years old and my grandma lived in Windsor Locks at the time. It was a "safe" neighborhood and times were different then. All of us kids used to play outside and roam the neighborhood all day without adult supervision.
I don't remember who I was with that day but there was a neighbor who was around thirteen years old who had a cool shed in his backyard. He was also the neighborhood paperboy. I remember he had flaming red hair. All the kids in the neighborhood used to go to his house to play in his shed.
This shed was in his yard, set away from the main house. It was surrounded on three sides by woods and was located down a hill in his yard. It was painted blue but almost all of the paint had worn away through the years.
When you entered the shed you went down three wooden steps to get to the open area. The shed had a large open area and along the walls were your typical yard equipment. It was cool and damp inside which is why we liked to play there on hot summer days. The floor was concrete but had a dusting of dirt on it.
On this particular day, myself and two other kids (I believe they were probably my cousins, but I don't remember this clearly) went to the shed with the neighbor boy to play.
The neighbor wanted to play a "game" in the closet that was located in the shed. This closet was full of shelves and had one light bulb in it that was controlled by a switch that was outside the door. The other two kids I was with didn't want to play so they left. But myself, being the curious kid that I was, decided to stay.
The neighbor told me I could pick out a game in the game closet and followed me inside. At that point he shut the door behind us, turned to me, pulled out his penis and told me to touch it. My heart leapt in my throat and I told him no. He was standing between the door and me. When I said no he left the closet and shut the door behind him and turned off the light leaving me trapped. It was so dark in there that I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. I started to cry and pushed against the door but he was pushing against it from the other side so I could not get out. I was screaming for him to let me out but he said not until I agreed to play his game. I was so scared that I finally agreed. He opened the door and I ran out the door, across the shed floor to the stairs. As I ran up the stairs to the outside I heard him say that if I told anyone they wouldn't believe me. I ran all the way home, never once stopping to look back.
I never told anyone about the incident because all the adults in my family always talked about what a great kid he was so I really believed that they wouldn't believe me. The worst part was that I still had to see him whenever I went to grandma's house and it always brought back awful memories.
I believe that I finally told my mother about it around twenty years later because even though I had forgotten the incident for so many years, it just popped into my head one day during therapy. I don't remember what my mother said about the incident but it was good to finally get the information off my chest.
Five Rules for Happiness
1.
Free your heart from hatred
2.
Free your mind from worries
3.
Live simply
4.
Give more
5.
Expect less
I guess you've heard the expression "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." Many people think happiness lies somewhere else. If they can just afford that trip, buy that brand new car, move into that big house in a nicer neighborhood or update their whole wardrobe, they will get it. Of course materialistic things can bring us happiness, but a feeling based on outer things is not the lasting kind. Rather than believing your mood depends on something uncertain, stay happy in this moment. When you choose happiness each and every day, no matter what life throws at you, you will feel at ease and enjoy life more.
The next time it's pouring, you loose your temper and complain about the bad weather, remember this quote by John Ruskin - "Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
"
So stay happy when you're home, when you travel. Approach locals and smile to strangers you meet on the road. People will smile back at you.
"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be".
ALL MY WONDERFUL SG FRIENDS COULD BUY SOMETHING AT MY CAFEPRESS STORE TO HELP ME GET TO CODE PINK IN CHICAGO! I take Paypal now. www.cafepress.com/cls314
1.
Free your heart from hatred
2.
Free your mind from worries
3.
Live simply
4.
Give more
5.
Expect less
I guess you've heard the expression "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." Many people think happiness lies somewhere else. If they can just afford that trip, buy that brand new car, move into that big house in a nicer neighborhood or update their whole wardrobe, they will get it. Of course materialistic things can bring us happiness, but a feeling based on outer things is not the lasting kind. Rather than believing your mood depends on something uncertain, stay happy in this moment. When you choose happiness each and every day, no matter what life throws at you, you will feel at ease and enjoy life more.
The next time it's pouring, you loose your temper and complain about the bad weather, remember this quote by John Ruskin - "Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
"
So stay happy when you're home, when you travel. Approach locals and smile to strangers you meet on the road. People will smile back at you.
"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be".
ALL MY WONDERFUL SG FRIENDS COULD BUY SOMETHING AT MY CAFEPRESS STORE TO HELP ME GET TO CODE PINK IN CHICAGO! I take Paypal now. www.cafepress.com/cls314
To start off, everyone in the Chicago area go to this:
Looks like its gonna be a blasty blast (as Dane Cook would say).
Dear Sh***, Take your "best friend" bullshit and shove it up your ass! If you think I'm going to wait for you until you are "ready" you are sadly mistaken. I don't know what your issue is but you tell me you are in love with me, then just fuckin date me already. We are not getting any younger and have know eachother 22 years. After all the crap you have put me through, if we didn't lose our friendship then - us dating is not going to ruin it. Sometimes you have to take a chance to get what you want and be happy. If you are not willing to do that, then I'm not waiting around and playing "house" with you until you are "ready". Your loss!
ALL MY WONDERFUL SG FRIENDS COULD BUY SOMETHING AT MY CAFEPRESS STORE TO HELP ME GET TO CODE PINK IN CHICAGO! I take Paypal now. www.cafepress.com/cls314
Looks like its gonna be a blasty blast (as Dane Cook would say).
Dear Sh***, Take your "best friend" bullshit and shove it up your ass! If you think I'm going to wait for you until you are "ready" you are sadly mistaken. I don't know what your issue is but you tell me you are in love with me, then just fuckin date me already. We are not getting any younger and have know eachother 22 years. After all the crap you have put me through, if we didn't lose our friendship then - us dating is not going to ruin it. Sometimes you have to take a chance to get what you want and be happy. If you are not willing to do that, then I'm not waiting around and playing "house" with you until you are "ready". Your loss!
ALL MY WONDERFUL SG FRIENDS COULD BUY SOMETHING AT MY CAFEPRESS STORE TO HELP ME GET TO CODE PINK IN CHICAGO! I take Paypal now. www.cafepress.com/cls314
Anyone want to fly me here:
All these girls are such faves of mine and total sweethearts to me - I wanna go (*does puppy dog eyes and stomps feet*)! If not, then anyone in the area, GO and take lots of pics and give me all the details. Maybe it will be like me being there (yeah, right).
All these girls are such faves of mine and total sweethearts to me - I wanna go (*does puppy dog eyes and stomps feet*)! If not, then anyone in the area, GO and take lots of pics and give me all the details. Maybe it will be like me being there (yeah, right).
New Photos
New photos of myself. I realized I hadn't put any photos up recently. Just a sprinkling of the many looks of Darkchylde! Take a look, hope you enjoy.
New photos of myself. I realized I hadn't put any photos up recently. Just a sprinkling of the many looks of Darkchylde! Take a look, hope you enjoy.
Importance Of Looking Deeper
It's easy to get caught up in examining our actions instead of really deeply examining ourselves. This can be deceiving because our actions may be very spiritual_we meditate, are nice to people, take care of ourselves and others_and yet, we may not be penetrating to the issues below the surface. It's as if we've washed and shined the surface of our car without taking the time to check under the hood. We may appear to be in great shape, but if we aren't engaging in the deep, inner work of self-examination, the chances are good that we are not deeply aware of the real substance of our lives.
We live in a very appearance-oriented, externally focused world, so it makes sense that we place a lot of value on how our lives look, sometimes to the detriment of noticing how our lives really feel. When we get too caught up in what we are doing and lose track of our core, we sometimes begin to feel dissociated, as if we are not fully awake, alive, and grounded. This is a sure sign that it's time to engage in the hard work of going deep within to rediscover the foundation of our lives. Without the substance that comes from looking at ourselves deeply, and working through the difficult things we find, our spiritual lives can start to feel hollow or shallow, as if there's nothing at the center holding it all together.
Of course, the peace that comes with meditation and spiritual practice is an essential part of the whole picture of our development, but it serves us best in conjunction with the less settling, more chaotic work of digging around below the surface to see what needs to be healed, owned, or released. Then our actions are more than just an attempt to keep everything in control, looking pretty and nice. Fueled by the energy of a life in transformation, they become powerful expressions of courage and faith, further inspiring our own inner work and that of those around us.
Love you all my SG family. Oh - Nutrisystem update: Down 2 more lbs. thats 12 total in 5 weeks!!!
It's easy to get caught up in examining our actions instead of really deeply examining ourselves. This can be deceiving because our actions may be very spiritual_we meditate, are nice to people, take care of ourselves and others_and yet, we may not be penetrating to the issues below the surface. It's as if we've washed and shined the surface of our car without taking the time to check under the hood. We may appear to be in great shape, but if we aren't engaging in the deep, inner work of self-examination, the chances are good that we are not deeply aware of the real substance of our lives.
We live in a very appearance-oriented, externally focused world, so it makes sense that we place a lot of value on how our lives look, sometimes to the detriment of noticing how our lives really feel. When we get too caught up in what we are doing and lose track of our core, we sometimes begin to feel dissociated, as if we are not fully awake, alive, and grounded. This is a sure sign that it's time to engage in the hard work of going deep within to rediscover the foundation of our lives. Without the substance that comes from looking at ourselves deeply, and working through the difficult things we find, our spiritual lives can start to feel hollow or shallow, as if there's nothing at the center holding it all together.
Of course, the peace that comes with meditation and spiritual practice is an essential part of the whole picture of our development, but it serves us best in conjunction with the less settling, more chaotic work of digging around below the surface to see what needs to be healed, owned, or released. Then our actions are more than just an attempt to keep everything in control, looking pretty and nice. Fueled by the energy of a life in transformation, they become powerful expressions of courage and faith, further inspiring our own inner work and that of those around us.
Love you all my SG family. Oh - Nutrisystem update: Down 2 more lbs. thats 12 total in 5 weeks!!!
Being late for an appointment or a date can seem like a small thing that really doesn't matter, but it communicates volumes, whether we mean it to or not. Being kept waiting is an experience that almost no one enjoys, because at best, it wastes their time, and at worst, it indicates a lack of regard. It's as if we're saying that our time is more important than their time, so we don't need to honor them by showing up when we said we would. When we are running late, it means a lot if we call and let the person know, especially if it's going to be more than ten minutes. However, if we are chronically late, it may take more than a phone call to properly address the issue.
If it's become a habit of ours not to be on time, we may want to look inside ourselves and see what's going on. It's easy enough to make excuses about our behavior, or to project responsibility on the other person, perceiving them to be uptight if they are irritated by our tardiness. What's more difficult, and more meaningful, is looking at ourselves and asking why it is that we always, or often, show up late. Sometimes this happens out of a lack of self-regard, as if we aren't really important anyway, so why will anyone care if we're late, or don't show up at all. Chronic lateness can also stem from being disorganized, or simply trying to do too much in one day. Another possible reason for being late to a particular appointment, or date, is that we don't really want to be there. We communicate our disinterest or boredom by not showing up on time.
Whatever our reasons, if we raise them to the conscious level, we have an opportunity to live a more conscious life. As we begin to understand the deeper reasons behind our inability to show up on time, we have the option to communicate clearly and consciously about how we really feel, rather than communicating unconsciously by being late.
If it's become a habit of ours not to be on time, we may want to look inside ourselves and see what's going on. It's easy enough to make excuses about our behavior, or to project responsibility on the other person, perceiving them to be uptight if they are irritated by our tardiness. What's more difficult, and more meaningful, is looking at ourselves and asking why it is that we always, or often, show up late. Sometimes this happens out of a lack of self-regard, as if we aren't really important anyway, so why will anyone care if we're late, or don't show up at all. Chronic lateness can also stem from being disorganized, or simply trying to do too much in one day. Another possible reason for being late to a particular appointment, or date, is that we don't really want to be there. We communicate our disinterest or boredom by not showing up on time.
Whatever our reasons, if we raise them to the conscious level, we have an opportunity to live a more conscious life. As we begin to understand the deeper reasons behind our inability to show up on time, we have the option to communicate clearly and consciously about how we really feel, rather than communicating unconsciously by being late.
SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT 
Most of us have probably come across the universal wisdom that the people who irritate us the most are expressing qualities that we ourselves have. This is why family members can be so vexing for so many of us_we see ourselves in them, and vice versa. This isn't always true, of course, but when it is, it's a real opportunity for growth if we can acknowledge it, because it is infinitely easier to change ourselves than it is to try to change another person, which is never a good idea. For example, if we have a coworker who engages in some kind of negative behavior, like complaining or trying to control everything, we can look and see if we ourselves carry those traits.
We may have to look to other situations in our lives to see it, because we behave differently in different environments. Perhaps we don't complain at work, because our coworker overdoes it, but maybe we do it with our friends. Maybe we aren't controlling at the office, but we're used to being in control at home, and this is why we feel so irritated not to be in control at work. Even if we look and find that we are not engaging in the same behavior that we see as negative in others, we can still learn from what we are seeing in this person. The truth is, human nature is universal, and we share many of the same tendencies. What we see in others can always help us to understand ourselves more deeply.
Having the ability to see something in another person, and automatically bring this observation back to ourselves, is like having a built-in system of checks and balances that enables us to be continually engaged in self-exploration and behavior change. When we see behavior we don't like, we can make a concerted effort to weed it out of ourselves, and when we see behavior we do like, we can let it inspire us to engage in imitation. Through this process, we read our environment and let it influence us to bring out the best in ourselves.
Most of us have probably come across the universal wisdom that the people who irritate us the most are expressing qualities that we ourselves have. This is why family members can be so vexing for so many of us_we see ourselves in them, and vice versa. This isn't always true, of course, but when it is, it's a real opportunity for growth if we can acknowledge it, because it is infinitely easier to change ourselves than it is to try to change another person, which is never a good idea. For example, if we have a coworker who engages in some kind of negative behavior, like complaining or trying to control everything, we can look and see if we ourselves carry those traits.
We may have to look to other situations in our lives to see it, because we behave differently in different environments. Perhaps we don't complain at work, because our coworker overdoes it, but maybe we do it with our friends. Maybe we aren't controlling at the office, but we're used to being in control at home, and this is why we feel so irritated not to be in control at work. Even if we look and find that we are not engaging in the same behavior that we see as negative in others, we can still learn from what we are seeing in this person. The truth is, human nature is universal, and we share many of the same tendencies. What we see in others can always help us to understand ourselves more deeply.
Having the ability to see something in another person, and automatically bring this observation back to ourselves, is like having a built-in system of checks and balances that enables us to be continually engaged in self-exploration and behavior change. When we see behavior we don't like, we can make a concerted effort to weed it out of ourselves, and when we see behavior we do like, we can let it inspire us to engage in imitation. Through this process, we read our environment and let it influence us to bring out the best in ourselves.
Hi SG family. I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th, if you celebrate. Mine was pretty good. Full of family and food (which I couldn't eat of course), but I did good - the willpower was strong with me..lol. My day was good and bad yesterday. The good: I finally got to talk to my darling Pisces!!! So stoked. She is such a doll and called me and we talked and talked. I wish it was face to face, but that phone call really made my day. LOVE HER!.
The Bad: For anyone who read my blog about my friend with the heroin problem, well.....Im done with her. I can't save someone who doesn't want saving. Long story short. I was cleaning her house (don't ask, I try to help) and I got to the bathroom and found a used coke baggie, a full baggie and a needle pusher. She told me she was going for coffee with a "friend" who I had never met before. They were gone over two hours and the D&D is right down the street. So I sat there for like an hour with steam coming from my ears I was so pissed. I wanted to stay and confront her about it, but I was so mad and I knew she would deny it and lie to my face which would have pushed me over the edge and I probably would have hit her, so I left. On my way home I texted her, told her I found her shit, that she needed rehab, that I loved her but was not going to be her fool anymore and to please not call me. Of course she called, but I didn't answer.
Anyway, I'm done. My rope is really, really long. I have a lot of patience, but once you've pushed me to my limit, I'm done. And when Im done, I'm done - no turning back, no more chances. I'm sad, because she really needs help, and I'm basically the only real friend she has anymore, but I obviously wasn't getting through and can't deal anymore with the lies. So I think I made a good decision for myself. I just have to remember to NOT feel guilty, she did this - not me. I did everything I could.
Thanks for listening guys. I really appreciate it! Love you all!
The Bad: For anyone who read my blog about my friend with the heroin problem, well.....Im done with her. I can't save someone who doesn't want saving. Long story short. I was cleaning her house (don't ask, I try to help) and I got to the bathroom and found a used coke baggie, a full baggie and a needle pusher. She told me she was going for coffee with a "friend" who I had never met before. They were gone over two hours and the D&D is right down the street. So I sat there for like an hour with steam coming from my ears I was so pissed. I wanted to stay and confront her about it, but I was so mad and I knew she would deny it and lie to my face which would have pushed me over the edge and I probably would have hit her, so I left. On my way home I texted her, told her I found her shit, that she needed rehab, that I loved her but was not going to be her fool anymore and to please not call me. Of course she called, but I didn't answer.
Anyway, I'm done. My rope is really, really long. I have a lot of patience, but once you've pushed me to my limit, I'm done. And when Im done, I'm done - no turning back, no more chances. I'm sad, because she really needs help, and I'm basically the only real friend she has anymore, but I obviously wasn't getting through and can't deal anymore with the lies. So I think I made a good decision for myself. I just have to remember to NOT feel guilty, she did this - not me. I did everything I could.
Thanks for listening guys. I really appreciate it! Love you all!
