I recently claimed that the things I had to do were legion, and the things I want to do are mostly impossible.
But that's not strictly speaking true, is it? Many things turn out to be possible. I wanted to celebrate my birthday in Vegas, and 17 people were willing to do it with me. I wanted to go to skydiving,and along with two friends I did, managing to lose 10 pounds in preparation. I wanted to see Thailand this year, and lo, I shall. Flights and two of my hotels are paid for, now all I need are three more hotel reservations.
All part of my efforts to transform my life from what it was to what I wish it to be. This, friends, is what we refer to as accelerating the awesome.
So enough wingeing about what cannot be. Time to make some things happen. So here's some more things I want to do. I declare them possible.
Travel.
Let's be honest, now... I ain't never gonna throw a birthday party on the scale of Ben's. Even when I've tried, I've had to use his apartment, making it really just a Ben party without the lavish theme or decorations.
But my birthday trip to Vegas... that's going to be a hell of a thing.
Also, it appears my birthday falls right in the travel off-season: after summer, well before Christmas. So why not use this time, The Christmas in September, if you will, to pursue my goal of going places I've never gone?
(Sidebar: yes, I've been to Vegas once, but I was six and it was a different place so it barely counts)
Hence I have already begun looking into a plan for next year. If I must turn 33, then I'm doing it in Egypt. That's right, next year in Cairo, bitches. People are, of course, free to join me, but I suspect the cost will be just as much of a turn-off as when I suggested people come to Thailand with me this time last year. It's okay, 2003 taught me that I can, in fact, celebrate my birthday alone if I'm somewhere sufficiently awesome.
Work
I'm applying for the communications coordinator job at the Epcor, and that's all there is to it. Anyone who wants to give my updated resume a once-over, give pointers, that'd be cool.
Love
You know what? Done worrying about it for now. I don't wish to sit around being depressed about being single. I shall simply reforge my life into what I wish it to be, full of excitement, adventure and legendary awesomeness (even if my awesomeness is constantly at risk of being overshadowed by my more charismatic colleagues--they can't help it, so why worry about it?). Should a woman come along who fits into that life, so be it. If not, well... I guess that's that.
Also I am DONE with crushes on 18-20 year olds. Done. It's been nothing but hassles.
But that's not strictly speaking true, is it? Many things turn out to be possible. I wanted to celebrate my birthday in Vegas, and 17 people were willing to do it with me. I wanted to go to skydiving,and along with two friends I did, managing to lose 10 pounds in preparation. I wanted to see Thailand this year, and lo, I shall. Flights and two of my hotels are paid for, now all I need are three more hotel reservations.
All part of my efforts to transform my life from what it was to what I wish it to be. This, friends, is what we refer to as accelerating the awesome.
So enough wingeing about what cannot be. Time to make some things happen. So here's some more things I want to do. I declare them possible.
Travel.
Let's be honest, now... I ain't never gonna throw a birthday party on the scale of Ben's. Even when I've tried, I've had to use his apartment, making it really just a Ben party without the lavish theme or decorations.
But my birthday trip to Vegas... that's going to be a hell of a thing.
Also, it appears my birthday falls right in the travel off-season: after summer, well before Christmas. So why not use this time, The Christmas in September, if you will, to pursue my goal of going places I've never gone?
(Sidebar: yes, I've been to Vegas once, but I was six and it was a different place so it barely counts)
Hence I have already begun looking into a plan for next year. If I must turn 33, then I'm doing it in Egypt. That's right, next year in Cairo, bitches. People are, of course, free to join me, but I suspect the cost will be just as much of a turn-off as when I suggested people come to Thailand with me this time last year. It's okay, 2003 taught me that I can, in fact, celebrate my birthday alone if I'm somewhere sufficiently awesome.
Work
I'm applying for the communications coordinator job at the Epcor, and that's all there is to it. Anyone who wants to give my updated resume a once-over, give pointers, that'd be cool.
Love
You know what? Done worrying about it for now. I don't wish to sit around being depressed about being single. I shall simply reforge my life into what I wish it to be, full of excitement, adventure and legendary awesomeness (even if my awesomeness is constantly at risk of being overshadowed by my more charismatic colleagues--they can't help it, so why worry about it?). Should a woman come along who fits into that life, so be it. If not, well... I guess that's that.
Also I am DONE with crushes on 18-20 year olds. Done. It's been nothing but hassles.
These are the things I have to do.
Coming up soon is the award show for Calgary's non-professional theatre companies. I have several responsibilities here: I need to write the award script (not as hard as it sounds), coordinate three live performances, and shoot three video spots. On top of that, I have to plan a dinner for the people from my theatre group who plan to attend. All of this must be accomplished in the next two weeks.
I have to finish plans for my birthday trip to Vegas. Specifically, I need to book a dinner for 18 people. I can probably do this tonight or tomorrow.
I have to book three more hotels for my trip to Thailand.
I have to figure out how I'm paying for all this now that the video game I was writing has been canceled.
I have a great many tasks that need my attention at the job I'm no longer certain I like. On that note, I have to decide if I'm looking for a new job, and if so what.
I have to learn how to produce a play, if I am to do so this fall.
I have to make Funny Money, the play I am directing, as funny as humanly possible before it opens on Sept. 5th. That one's coming along nicely.
The bulk of this list needs to be done this month.
These are the things I <i>want</i> to do.
I want to kick back for a few days and just play Bioshock and Mass Effect.
I want to finish this noir detective script.
I want to see Jen again. Even if it's just once.
I want to find a new job, something with more writing and less grunt work.
I want to go to Vegas, then to Thailand, then leave this town and never look back. No warning, no good-byes, just a new start in Parts Unknown.
Most of this list is straight up impossible.
So if I seem... tetchy, that's why: the things I need to do are legion, and the things I want to do are largely beyond my grasp.
Coming up soon is the award show for Calgary's non-professional theatre companies. I have several responsibilities here: I need to write the award script (not as hard as it sounds), coordinate three live performances, and shoot three video spots. On top of that, I have to plan a dinner for the people from my theatre group who plan to attend. All of this must be accomplished in the next two weeks.
I have to finish plans for my birthday trip to Vegas. Specifically, I need to book a dinner for 18 people. I can probably do this tonight or tomorrow.
I have to book three more hotels for my trip to Thailand.
I have to figure out how I'm paying for all this now that the video game I was writing has been canceled.
I have a great many tasks that need my attention at the job I'm no longer certain I like. On that note, I have to decide if I'm looking for a new job, and if so what.
I have to learn how to produce a play, if I am to do so this fall.
I have to make Funny Money, the play I am directing, as funny as humanly possible before it opens on Sept. 5th. That one's coming along nicely.
The bulk of this list needs to be done this month.
These are the things I <i>want</i> to do.
I want to kick back for a few days and just play Bioshock and Mass Effect.
I want to finish this noir detective script.
I want to see Jen again. Even if it's just once.
I want to find a new job, something with more writing and less grunt work.
I want to go to Vegas, then to Thailand, then leave this town and never look back. No warning, no good-byes, just a new start in Parts Unknown.
Most of this list is straight up impossible.
So if I seem... tetchy, that's why: the things I need to do are legion, and the things I want to do are largely beyond my grasp.
Update on the phone calls.
A friend and I tried calling the toll-free numbers that have been haunting me as of late. The first one, the one that's been showing up more recently, was indeed the Bank of Montreal. So, that's awesome. But I believe my ex-wife has made the student loan payment, so that should shut them up for a while.
Now, the other number... that one turned out to now be out of service.
It also turned out to be in Utah.
So that's weird.
Not sure I like getting mystery calls from Utah. As most people know, I have issues with Mormons. Ah well. Intrigue over for the time being. It played out the way I expected, not the way I hoped. So it goes.
"I'd rather be lucky than smart."
-Doc Cochrane
A friend and I tried calling the toll-free numbers that have been haunting me as of late. The first one, the one that's been showing up more recently, was indeed the Bank of Montreal. So, that's awesome. But I believe my ex-wife has made the student loan payment, so that should shut them up for a while.
Now, the other number... that one turned out to now be out of service.
It also turned out to be in Utah.
So that's weird.
Not sure I like getting mystery calls from Utah. As most people know, I have issues with Mormons. Ah well. Intrigue over for the time being. It played out the way I expected, not the way I hoped. So it goes.
"I'd rather be lucky than smart."
-Doc Cochrane
So I keep getting brief calls from toll-free numbers, numbers preceded by 801 or 888. So brief I've yet to be able to answer them in time, and they've never made it to voicemail.
I know what I want these calls to be... I want them to be The Girl, calling me from a payphone, finally ready to talk after 6 months. Hanging up because she's still afraid to admit something. I want there to be a chance she's decided she feels for me what I feel for her, and she's trying to tell me, but is too afraid I won't feel the same to complete the call.
I WANT that to be who's calling. But it isn't, is it. No. It's probably telemarketers with insufficient patience. It's the Bank of Montreal calling about a late student loan payment (my ex-wife was a little slow last month). Or it's those survey people that called while I was telling vacation stories to a hoard of people a few weeks back. Or it's TD thinking that since I have a mortgage with them I obviously want even more debt so they should try to sell me a credit card. Or something even more obnoxious along those lines.
That's who it probably is.
But I still know who I want it to be.
"It sticks to me craw like a peanut butter made of hate."
-Arthur the duck
I know what I want these calls to be... I want them to be The Girl, calling me from a payphone, finally ready to talk after 6 months. Hanging up because she's still afraid to admit something. I want there to be a chance she's decided she feels for me what I feel for her, and she's trying to tell me, but is too afraid I won't feel the same to complete the call.
I WANT that to be who's calling. But it isn't, is it. No. It's probably telemarketers with insufficient patience. It's the Bank of Montreal calling about a late student loan payment (my ex-wife was a little slow last month). Or it's those survey people that called while I was telling vacation stories to a hoard of people a few weeks back. Or it's TD thinking that since I have a mortgage with them I obviously want even more debt so they should try to sell me a credit card. Or something even more obnoxious along those lines.
That's who it probably is.
But I still know who I want it to be.
"It sticks to me craw like a peanut butter made of hate."
-Arthur the duck
So I've had this bottle of 12-year-old Glenlivet scotch for over 6 years. Masquerade got it for me for my birthday back in ought-one, and I've been saving it for a "special occasion." I've had a few special occasions since then, but they never felt quite triumphant enough. Except possibly the Heracles tour, but I was nowhere near it at the time.
This Friday I came to two conclusions: 1) given all the triumphs I've had that I didn't toast with my so-called Victory Scotch, what specifically was going to be good enough for it, and 2) 12 year old Glenlivet is Victory Scotch? Really? No. Victory Scotch should be old enough to order its own scotch. It should old enough to have fathered a scotch that can order its own scotch. Therefore, it was time to drink that bitch.
This was the official explanation I gave for why I had to finish the whole bottle by the end of tonight. Which, with some assistance, I did. The second reason was that I have declared this to be a theme weekend. The official, public title is "Dan's Weekend of Whiskey and Hobbits," in which I down scotch straight up and rye mixed with Coke while watching Lord of the Rings. The less public, more accurate title is "Operation: Drink Myself Happy," in which I down whiskey until I feel good again.
But whatever you call it, Fellowship of the Rings is AWESOME when you're hammered. Today I was distracted by gaming: tomorrow, if Jody is still sick (which, for her sake, I hope she isn't), I'll wrap up the trilogy. And, no doubt, a third bottle of whiskey.
"Nothing matters like knowing nothing matters."
-Fiero
This Friday I came to two conclusions: 1) given all the triumphs I've had that I didn't toast with my so-called Victory Scotch, what specifically was going to be good enough for it, and 2) 12 year old Glenlivet is Victory Scotch? Really? No. Victory Scotch should be old enough to order its own scotch. It should old enough to have fathered a scotch that can order its own scotch. Therefore, it was time to drink that bitch.
This was the official explanation I gave for why I had to finish the whole bottle by the end of tonight. Which, with some assistance, I did. The second reason was that I have declared this to be a theme weekend. The official, public title is "Dan's Weekend of Whiskey and Hobbits," in which I down scotch straight up and rye mixed with Coke while watching Lord of the Rings. The less public, more accurate title is "Operation: Drink Myself Happy," in which I down whiskey until I feel good again.
But whatever you call it, Fellowship of the Rings is AWESOME when you're hammered. Today I was distracted by gaming: tomorrow, if Jody is still sick (which, for her sake, I hope she isn't), I'll wrap up the trilogy. And, no doubt, a third bottle of whiskey.
"Nothing matters like knowing nothing matters."
-Fiero
Yesterday was a special occasion I call "2000 Days Since I Last Said 'I Love You.'" I separated from my ex on July 1st, 2002, and have thus been single for the last 2000 days. 2000 straight days of being afraid to admit an attraction to someone for fear of how wrong it could go. 51 straight nights sleeping alone.
Yeah, there was an incident. And the emo-ness of the previous paragraph is somewhat thrown off by the clear need to shout "What up!" and demand a high five. I'm not sorry.
So for the 1000 day mark (March 26, 2005--there's a blog about it if, for some freak reason, you're curious), my first ten minutes of consciousness contained enough heartbreak and aggravation to trigger a mild psychotic episode. My 12 hour shift at the Moviedome calmed me down some, as 12 hours in a concrete bunker are wont to do, and then Masquerade came by for a truly spectacular bender. This time around, I had a much shorter work shift (the advantages of office jobs) I got dragged out to the mall by AC, who then swung by for drinking and TV. However, certain... incidents last weekend mean that I have lowered my alcohol intake, so there was much less drinking than last time.
What I feel is interesting about this whole, sulky, boring-to-the-outside-world-I'm-sure 1000-day brood experience is that everything that was bringing me down on day 1000 is back for day 2000. The characters have changed, sure, but it's the same basic stories. In 2005, I had fallen for a friend I was sure I couldn't have, and was afraid to say anything for fear of damaging what relationship we had. Today: new girl, same shit. I even came to know her through the exact same circumstances as last time. In 2005, it was a plumbing malfunction (broken toilet) that pushed me over the edge. Today, I have no hot water and won't for several hours.
I am not, however, freaking out to nearly the same extent. No psychotic breaks, no ranting, no dream of happiness tearing my heart from my chest. To sum up, Day 2000 was far less dramatic than Day 1000... but also far less giddy in the final hours.
I know. I almost never update these days. Gotta warn you, that's probably going to get worse before it gets better.
"All of this has happened before, and will happen again."
-The Cylons
Yeah, there was an incident. And the emo-ness of the previous paragraph is somewhat thrown off by the clear need to shout "What up!" and demand a high five. I'm not sorry.
So for the 1000 day mark (March 26, 2005--there's a blog about it if, for some freak reason, you're curious), my first ten minutes of consciousness contained enough heartbreak and aggravation to trigger a mild psychotic episode. My 12 hour shift at the Moviedome calmed me down some, as 12 hours in a concrete bunker are wont to do, and then Masquerade came by for a truly spectacular bender. This time around, I had a much shorter work shift (the advantages of office jobs) I got dragged out to the mall by AC, who then swung by for drinking and TV. However, certain... incidents last weekend mean that I have lowered my alcohol intake, so there was much less drinking than last time.
What I feel is interesting about this whole, sulky, boring-to-the-outside-world-I'm-sure 1000-day brood experience is that everything that was bringing me down on day 1000 is back for day 2000. The characters have changed, sure, but it's the same basic stories. In 2005, I had fallen for a friend I was sure I couldn't have, and was afraid to say anything for fear of damaging what relationship we had. Today: new girl, same shit. I even came to know her through the exact same circumstances as last time. In 2005, it was a plumbing malfunction (broken toilet) that pushed me over the edge. Today, I have no hot water and won't for several hours.
I am not, however, freaking out to nearly the same extent. No psychotic breaks, no ranting, no dream of happiness tearing my heart from my chest. To sum up, Day 2000 was far less dramatic than Day 1000... but also far less giddy in the final hours.
I know. I almost never update these days. Gotta warn you, that's probably going to get worse before it gets better.
"All of this has happened before, and will happen again."
-The Cylons
